'AITA for breaking up with my boyfriend and thinking of suing him after he spent my life savings?'
"AITA for breaking up with my boyfriend and thinking of suing him after he spent my life savings?"
Business-Midnight-86
Hey everyone, I really need some perspective here because my head is all over the place. I (27F) recently broke up with my boyfriend of two years, Jake (29M), after discovering something that honestly still makes me feel sick.
For context, I’ve worked super hard to get where I am in life. I lost my dad when I was really young and grew up watching my mom struggle to make ends meet. That motivated me to be really careful with money.
I work in marketing now (for an OnlyFans agency don’t judge), and I’ve been lucky enough to save up quite a bit. By the time this all happened, I had just over $30k saved, plus a couple of credit cards I only used for emergencies.
Jake and I always had different financial situations. He’s had trouble holding down stable jobs, but I didn’t mind helping him out now and then. I loved him and figured relationships are about supporting each other, right? I thought I could trust him.
A few weeks ago, I went to check my bank account to move some money into my savings, and it was empty. Like, completely wiped out. At first, I thought there was some kind of mistake or fraud. Then I checked my credit cards they were maxed out, too. Altogether, he’d burned through over $50k.
When I confronted him, he admitted he’d been secretly transferring money from my account and using my cards for months. He said he wanted to “treat me” and “feel like he could give me the life I deserve.”
But the charges? They weren’t for me. He’d been buying designer clothes, the newest tech gadgets, and spending ridiculous amounts at high-end clubs... for him and his friends.
I was shaking when he confessed. I couldn’t believe the person I thought I knew could do something like this. He broke down crying, saying he never meant for it to go so far, and he’d pay me back. But how? He’s broke. He doesn’t even have a stable job.
I told him to pack his stuff and leave my apartment. We’re done. But now I’m stuck trying to figure out what to do. I’ve worked so hard to build my savings, and now I’m drowning in debt because of him.
I’ve been thinking about suing him, but some of our mutual friends are telling me that’s too extreme, that it would destroy him. They say I should just give him time to pay me back. But how can I trust him after this? Part of me feels guilty for even thinking about taking legal action against someone I loved, but I don’t know what else to do.
This is my future he’s destroyed. So, AITA for breaking up with him and considering suing him if he doesn’t pay me back? Or should I just cut my losses and move on? I’m so confused.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
Zscalerrguy
Please report this to the police.
Business-Midnight-86 (OP)
Reporting him is at this stage the best option for me I don't thing he has any intensions paying me back ever , he just used me for my money 😢
Candid_Process1831
NTA! He was using you for your money he is the real AH make dure to get you money back sue him!
Regular_Emphasis6866
You put your bf on all your credit cards and your bank accounts? You should close all the accounts asap. I guess this is a super hard life lesson, but it isn't criminal. Quite the hard lesson to learn. You're not a ah, but extremely naive and screwed unless he is actually willing to pay you for any of it, which he doesn't have to.
ZapatillaLoca
I'm going to give you the only piece of advice my mother ever gave me : Love is grand, but keep the checkbook in your name. You gave your freeloader boyfriend access to your money, and you're surprised he spent it all on himself?
Also, who doesn't check their account regularly..and didn't you notice his new nice stuff??Anyway, you were taken for a chump..Doubtful that you'll ever get a dime back. Hopefully, you won't make the same mistake again.
Ineedabreak4083
If he was on the accounts I’m pretty sure you have no case because you gave him a legal avenue to access the money as if it was his. Please learn from this that until you are married in a safe and committed relationship you should never even consider putting names on each others cards accounts etc.
Don’t buy a house with someone you aren’t married to, don’t co-sign loans and if they need help assume you won’t be getting any money back if you give it to them. What happens when you break up and neither wants to move or god forbid they pass away and it goes to next of kin.
I’m sorry this happened to you. He sounds like a real piece of work. I would also freeze your credit because he clearly doesn’t have issue spending money in your name.