'AITA for breaking up with my boyfriend of 10 years after he proposed during my best friend's wedding?'
"AITA for breaking up with my boyfriend of 10 years after he proposed during my best friend's wedding?"
Suspicious-Tree-642
My (36F) best friend Amy (37F) just got married last week. I was her Maid of Honor and I worked to the bone to make sure her wedding was a success. For the most part it did went well.
My friend looked beautiful, the food was great, the flowers and decorations incredible. She was so happy and it made me feel proud I was part of the group that work to give her such an important day.
Amy and I have been friends since we were in elementary school. We've reached all our milestones since together, went to the same college, even live in the same neighborhood. She's the closest I have to a sister and even our parents joke we're reborn twins.
Needless to say, Amy is one of the most important people in my life. At the end of my Masters I met Danny (31M). He hired me as a tutor and after a few sessions asked me out. I had never dated someone younger, but he was very sweet and I liked him, so I said yes.
We've been together since. He had an older brother, Bobby (39M) who was introduced to Amy in a house party I hosted a few years later. The two were immediately taken with each other and they started to date. Eventually Bobby asked Amy to marry him.
During the wedding preparation, Danny casually mentioned how it would be a cute idea to propose during his brother's wedding. Bobby agreed, but both Amy and I immediately shut it down. I told Danny I found that kind of thing tacky.
A person's wedding is a special day for them and tainting it with stealing the attention was just wrong. After that they stopped talking about it, so we kept going with the preparations.
At the wedding reception, Bobby suddenly stopped the music to make an 'announcement'. He said the day was very special as he was marrying the love of his life and kept singing praises to Amy.
I thought it was a cute gesture so I just moved to sit on my chair to listen to the speech. Then Bobby said a sentence that made me dread what was coming: 'And now the day is more special thanks to my brother's announcement'.
Suddenly Danny was in front of me, kneeling with a box. Amy was in tears and ran out. I screamed at Danny, telling him he was a jerk and went after Amy. At first she was angry at me, think I was involved in it. So were the other bridesmaids.
Thankfully one of the girls had seen me call out Danny and told the others about it. I told Amy I would never do this to her. We hugged and we all got out of the venue to Amy's suite. We found out later through one of the men's mother that Bobby gave Danny permission without speaking to Amy about it.
I called Danny that same night to tell him we were through and I wanted him out of my apartment by the end of the week. I sent my mom to pick up my dog and parrot, just to make sure he didn't do anything to them or take them with him.
He ended up taking my TV and game consoles (I had them since before he moved in), but his mother was nice enough to bring the consoles back. For all I care, he can keep the stupid TV.
Amy is now trying to get her marriage annuled since she feels she can't trust Bobby. The boys' mother has been nothing but a saint to us. She even paid back to Amy the money she spent on the wedding and told her to use the honeymoon with one of her friends.
So Amy and I are now packing to go to Australia. She and Bobby had postpone it for a month so they could get a whole month of vacation. I am a freelancer that works from home, so I'll just take my laptop.
Since this whole fiasco, Danny has been blowing up my phone. Some of his friends have joined in this to, claiming I'm an AH for throwing out a ten years relationship over a mistake.
That he only wanted to make a cute gesture to prove how much he loves me. Except the cute gesture was taking over my best friend's wedding after I had said how much I dislike that kind of stuff. Still, a part of me feels I'm overreacting. So reddit, am I the AH in this?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
Super_Selection1522
You both told them no, and they did it anyway. Neither of you wants to deal with that sort of crap for the rest of your lives. You've both dodged a bullet. NTA.
canuckleheadiam
Add Danny stealing her television and game console to that.
NTA.
Cookiemamajr
NTA. I don’t understand why people are so stupid as to do something that they have SPECIFICALLY been told not to do, then try to defend themselves by saying “but I thought you’d like it!” Their mom gets it!
Thisisthenextone
So he wanted to prove how much he loved you by doing something you already told him you'd hate? No. They wanted to peer pressure you into accepting. NTA.
The OP responded here:
Suspicious-Tree-642
I have a feeling you are right. I'm honesty not big on PDA. I hate public proposals and big gestures. Even if we did marry, I would have asked for a very small or no ceremony at all.
Foreign_Operation_10
NTA, they made you and Amy props in their show. Bobby and Danny are the types that don’t value the personhood and preferences of others. They expected you (and Amy) to melt under the romantic gesture like a crappy romantic movie. Gross. Did they learn this from tv? Fortunately not from their mother, she sounds like a legit gem. Bummer she won’t get to be your MIL.