'AITA for breaking up with my boyfriend because he wanted me to sing?' 'I do not want to share it with any man.'
"AITA for breaking up with my boyfriend because he wanted me to sing for him and his friends?"
I started singing after my grandfather died; he was and is the biggest man I have ever known. I was 12 when he died, and singing helped me a lot. I needed something to pour myself into. I started professional opera training about 5 years ago. I'm 21 now; my ex is 28.
While singing is a huge part of my life, it's not my only passion. I'm a law student and finished art school, which I attended for 12 years concurrently with regular school, so I love painting too.
No man has ever heard me sing. I have never performed anywhere, sometimes I sing for my girl friends and female family members, For me, it is the most intimate thing, and I do not want to share it with any man. I have this one thing for the one that I'm going to marry.
My ex knew this. We were together for 3 years. From January this year, he started talking about me singing to him and how excited he was to hear my voice and listen to me. We aren’t married, so I would say, "haha, maybe one day."
We went to a wedding last month, it was a wedding of his friend. On our table were his childhood friends that I have never met before. He introduced me, they asked questions about me, and I said who I was. I said I'm a law student and I love painting. He added that I was a professional opera singer, to clarify, I’m not, I’m training as a professional tho.
In about 15 minutes, the bride came up to me and asked if I could sing to them, I’m assuming someone from our table told her about me. I declined, of course. She seemed disappointed, but was respectful about it.
My ex called me a b-h on our way home and said that I'm not as special as I think I am, said I had no right to ruin his friends wedding (I haven’t ruined anything, the conversation happened between me and her very quickly and quietly, wasn’t a big deal) and he said he bets my singing isn’t worth waiting for.
I never asked him to wait for me to sing; I simply said my husband would be the only man who'd hear me sing. I broke up with him that night. He has been apologizing, but I blocked every account he made. My mum said I overreacted. Am I the ahole?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
Afke1968 said:
Nta he knew how you felt and still he pressured you. Your mom shouldn’t say that you over reacted. You reacted. Period.
greyhairedwrinkle said:
NTA. You’ve clearly established a boundary and he pushed it with you in front of people. What was he thinking? Dance monkey dance?!?!
He is actively disregarding your wishes and boundaries. And in addition he is pushing it infront of other people and I’m almost positive that he was expecting you to fold due to pressure. This is a very big tell in my books. He has shown you his qualities and respecting boundaries is not one of them.
artbyoka said:
NTA he first doesn’t respect your boundaries and then next he’s rude af when he can’t get you to break your own boundary. That’s disrespectful.
Intelligent_Might812 said:
NTA. He’s a disrespectful over grown man child who threw a temper tantrum because he didn’t get something he wanted.
Bonnm42 said:
NTA sounds like you made a very wise decision. That man was displaying all kinds of red flags. Also, don’t listen to your Mom. I’m sure she means well, but that is some crap to say you’re overreacting. Remember you need no reason to end a relationship you don’t feel confident in. However, you have a really good reason. Your Ex sounds like TA.
jellie_babie said:
NTA as you set clear boundaries and he was an AH to you after the wedding, but this sounds really odd. If you're training to be a professional, do you/will you not need to sing in public?
What is it about men that makes you not want to sing to them? And how would you feel if he had some skill, like painting, but refused to show you because you're a woman?