"AITA for breaking up with my boyfriend over a penny?"
I (25f) and my boyfriend (25m) have been dating since high school. He knows I have my weird quirks and rituals due to my OCD and it has been a prominent thing in our relationship. He knew this before we started dating and it has never been an issue before. I love him so much and I may have overreacted but I don’t know.
For some context, I was diagnosed with OCD when I was around 7 years old and not like where I have to be tidy or anything. For me specifically, I do things in sets of 2, and I have reoccurring thoughts, bad anxiety, etc, etc.
At first, I feel like my boyfriend was really supportive. He’d make comments here and there and poke fun at it like, “Did you do it twice?” or something like that. It never really bothered me up until recently.
He tries to do things that he knows will upset me and make me spiral just for fun. One thing I like to do is pick up pennies for good luck. Not that I like believe in luck, but I just always do it and I feel like I need to do it.
So a few weeks ago, he was talking with his friends and they had brought up something and I guess they caught me in one of my little habits, it’s one where I have to crack my knuckles a certain way. His friends kind of laugh and ask me what I’m doing.
My boyfriend goes, “OCD freak.” I knew he was joking, but like why is he trying to embarrass me in front of his friends. A different time, he asked me why I had to be so embarrassing.
So the other day, we were walking downtown and I pick up this penny and he notices. When we get beside the river, he takes my penny and throws it in there. I started freaking out and obviously my mind spiraled with thoughts that weren’t true, but still scary like “you’re gonna get bad luck.”
I literally started to tear up and he told me I’d be fine. I asked him why he would do that and he said it wasn’t a big deal. I told him that he knew before we started dating that my OCD was a huge part of who I was and that little things like this really set me off.
He told me to not be so sensitive so I brought up everything he had been doing for the past few weeks and I told him if he couldn’t accept this part of me, then I didn’t want to be with him.
I ended up getting my mom to pick me up and I haven’t seen him since (it’s only been 2 days). He keeps texting me and apologizing, but I don’t know if I should keep him in my life or not, his weird snarky replies about my ocd and like taking my penny and throwing it. It sounds stupid, but it really made me upset.
EDIT: to the one who said I needed therapy, just so everyone knows, I AM IN THERAPY! OCD is a mental disorder that you cannot just simply rid of, until you have it, you won’t understand it! No.
EDIT 2: I wanted to come on here and clear of some things. I’ve read your comments and I want to thank everyone who gave me advice. No, I have not come back yet. I told him we’d talk sometime this week, but that I felt firm in my decision.
Several hours later, the OP returned with an update.
First of all, this post was to judge if I was the AH for leaving my boyfriend over this. People have taken it and questioned the integrity of my disorder, told me to “get help,” and I shouldn’t make it my whole life.
It is a mental health disorder, I have been to 2 psychiatrists, 3 therapists, and so many doctors to try and help. The knowledge you guys have, is limited. This means, these little rituals are the easy end of my disorder.
Something I had to live with being okay with having OCD, no one can make me feel bad for having it. I had to learn I was not a freak. It took me aback though when someone this close to me could treat me this horribly.
I would NEVER fake OCD for an internet story.
I simply wanted to see what should be done in my situation.
To the people telling me to get help, again, I assume you aren’t medical professionals. I have gotten plenty of help and have learned many coping techniques, this does NOT mean that my OCD just vanishes, it IS apart of me and it will always be.
If my boyfriend did not like this part of me, then he shouldn’t have gotten with me since I have been so open about it. Another thing, when I say it’s a huge part of me, it does not mean I make it a big deal to others.
It is a big deal, but to myself. When I’m having episodes, I don’t take it out on others and make them deal with my problems, it’s something I’ve learned to deal with alone. It’s me, it’s who I am, but i don’t let it define me and my relationships.
My OCD is not like an overbearing mother who comes between relationships, but sometimes, it will certainly get triggered. Please, if you’ve never been through it, you don’t understand it.
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
NTA, it wasn't the penny, it was just the last straw.
He has been tearing you down to his friends for weeks and called you embarrassing to be around. NTA.
Tearing me down to his friends, would have been enough for me.
NTA. He knew about your OCD from the start and now he's using it to mess with you for fun. That's messed up. The penny thing and calling you a freak in front of his friends isn't okay. He is just being a jerk.
Anything that doesn’t make you feel right act accordingly. Your feelings are what’s important and if they can’t understand or be supportive, you know what you have to do.
Why do people insist on tearing down each other? OP is in therapy and these little rituals sound SO harmless, why must her EX boyfriend force his own miserable take on her?
This reminds me of my ex that once held my hand when we were at a flea market. He never did PDA, so I was so excited. Until I saw a cute dog (just a pet, nothing saying service animal) and he proceeded to squeeze my hand so hard and said "you don't need to go pet the dog".
OP, don't take him back. You don't need someone actively trying to put you in a box, trying to make you feel like you're embarrassing. Your person is not going to call you a freak, so this clearly isn't your person. Pick up the penny, pet the dog. Live your life.
One of my children has OCD. I would never do anything to intentionally trigger him! That is cruel. We go to an OCD specialist twice a month and I am in there with him so I can learn how to help him work through the thoughts and compulsions. I feel like if your boyfriend truly loves you he would want to help you instead of triggering you. Dump him.