Loyalty test backfires when insulted woman dumps boyfriend for putting her trust on trial. AITA?
"AITA for 'breaking up' with my boyfriend after he set me up for a loyalty test?"
I (25F) have been dating my boyfriend (28M) for a year now. Our relationship has been amazing until one day, he decided to put me through a loyalty test for a YouTube video. The entire test felt completely real. The entire time, I didn’t flirt and made it clear I had a boyfriend, despite the decoy’s multiple advances.
Then, all of a sudden, the whole crew came out. My boyfriend, in particular, was smiling and happy. When the YouTuber told me that this was a loyalty test and that I had passed, I sat there confused and stayed silent. When my boyfriend tried to hug me, I pushed him away and walked off. I was completely shocked and humiliated.
I knew this was going to be on YouTube, so I didn't want to react the way they probably wanted me to (yelling, crying, making a scene). I simply said, "The relationship ended the minute you decided to put me on a loyalty test."
My boyfriend tried to stop me, saying I was being dramatic and that I had no reason to be mad since I had passed. That just made me angrier, and all I wanted to do was go home.
The next day, he called wanting to talk in private, which I agreed to. However, he had already told his friends, our mutual friends and my own family about the situation. During our conversation, he would call them or pull up their text messages so they could back him up.
They all said I was overreacting and that I should be happy because now that he knows I would never cheat, we can finally settle down and be together. Yes, I love him and have considered that in the future, but I felt completely invalidated.
In my opinion, loyalty tests are a lose-lose. Either you cheat or you don't, but either way, it proves that your partner doesn't trust you. I was completely confused because I thought I had given him zero reason to doubt me.
So, when I asked him why he did this, he admitted that it was only because his ex had cheated on him multiple times in the past with her coworkers. (This meant he had lied, because he had told me their breakup was mutual and drama-free.).
Also, I never realized he had trust issues because I’m such a homebody and work from home. Now that I recently got a new job and was leaving the house more and meeting new people, it put me in the same situations and settings his ex had been in.
At the end of our conversation, he asked if we were breaking up, and I told him I needed space. That was two days ago and I'm still being bombarded with people saying I’m being irrational for being mad about this.
The only thing he has said in those two days was that because I "passed" I shouldn't even worry about the video coming out since they only post the fails, as if that was my concern.
Maybe I'm overreacting, but I need some outside opinions because everyone around me is making me feel like I'm crazy for being upset. So, AITA for "breaking up" with my boyfriend over this?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
NTA. Your boyfriend went behind your back in a way that left you feeling deceived, used and humiliated. These are the actions of an ex, so I'd recommend you just block him now. Any 'friends' saying you're overreacting are his friends, not yours and your family need to learn what respect is.
Eh, I would have told him he failed my loyalty test, but we can only hope to be that badass in the moment of deceit.
NTA. He didn’t just loyalty test you. He arranged to have it filmed so you could be humiliated. Because it’s still humiliating even if you “pass”. Not only that but he is weaponizing friends and family to harass you about this. He’s making it clear he feels very comfortable making everyone else have input on your relationship.
And that their opinions matter more than yours does. What happens when the two of you disagree about the wedding arrangements? Or home buying? Or kids? He has done so much instead of just having a conversation with you. At every stage of this he involved others instead of just having a conversation with you.
You are under no obligation to entertain him or the YouTube public with your discomfort and shock. Use used you publicly to get screen time. He was disrespectful in like 5 different ways. He broke your trust. Dump him.
These people saying you shouldn't be upset bc you "passed" are completely missing the point. This isn't about you. This is about your bf's lack of trust in you and his decision to put you in an awkward position and be filmed while doing it. NTA.
NTA Tell him that you may have passed but he failed. He failed to trust you thereby making a tiktok video to test you. He failed to be truthful when he told you that him and his ex broke up amicably when it was really because she cheated. He failed to show he can be trusted.
You may have passed his loyalty test but he didn't pass your loyalty test which included undermining you and allying himself with total strangers for the views. And when you permitted him to speak to you about changing the grade (to keep the metaphor) instead of taking the time to throw himself on your mercy, beg forgiveness etc.He again involved other people in your relationship in order to prove you wrong.