Woman sobs and begs at ex-fiancé's doorstep after 'cruel prank' costs her everything. AITA? NEW UPDATE
"AITA for breaking up with my fiancé and also refusing to speak to my family because they defend her?"
I (31M) broke up with my ex fiancé (31F), about 6 months ago. I had being with her for 6 years and it was going extremely well, we were due to marry in a few months and I was excited to have children with her. Honestly I do still love and miss her but trust is important too and I don't think I could trust her again.
My ex fiancé was very well loved by my parents and siblings. Anyway one day my then fiancé thought it would be funny to prank me so she got one of her work friends (who I had never met) to knock on our door one day and when I answered the door this man who she knew from work claimed that he was married to my fiancé.
He claimed that he had married her a couple of years before I met her and that she had walked out on him and was now planning to commit bigamy with me. She acted like it was true and pretended to be shocked to see him before they revealed it was a prank. As soon as this was over I told my now ex fiancé that it was NOT funny and I didn't think I could ever trust her again so I left her the same day.
Anyway my family who is very fond of her tried to convince me to get back with her, they were angry with me and accused me of overreacting and my parents in particular claimed that what she did was funny and I should have just 'laughed it off'. I basically told them all that unless they would accept that I did the right thing and apologize to me I wouldn't associate with them.
This was 6 months ago and I have staunchly refused any attempt from my family to reconnect even though they are upset that I'm not speaking to them, I have continued to maintain that, if they want me to forgive them, they need to accept that I did not overreact and I would like them to apologize. But they have still refused to do so. So, I'm still not speaking to them.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
NTA. This is way beyond a "prank." She deliberately orchestrated an elaborate deception involving marriage fraud, had a stranger show up at your door, and maintained the lie until the reveal. That shows a concerning lack of judgment and respect for both you and the institution of marriage itself.
NTA. I am laughing my ass off thinking of what HER reaction would have been had you done the same thing to her. As for your family. they can eff off, too. You dodged a bullet.
NTA , but turn about is fair play, maybe hire a couple of actors to show up at your parents house claiming you had a child a few years before meeting your now ex and have them demanding money and support for this kid and mother you abandoned and see how funny it is when it is revealed it is just a prank. They just might understand your point of view after they themselves experience such a prank.
Pranks are supposed to be funny. did she even give a real apology? That is actually really really sad. I feel so bad for you. NTA.
Capital-Ship-7726 (OP)
She did apologize but that's not enough to make me trust her.
That "prank" is just not funny. I really don't understand pranks. I would have probably reacted the same as you. I'm sorry that your family hasn't come around. You are totally in your right to not speak to anyone for whatever reason you might have. Time to accept that maybe this NC might be permanent...
Your family is shameless. They rather you married that idiot than accept the fact her stupid prank was unacceptable and ridiculous.
I don't know why people do these stupid over the top pranks. Who are they supposed to be funny too? I have one that is just as bad if not worse. These so called jokes are not funny and people can hurt.
I honestly hate when people do so-called pranks to hurt their partner. Like fake cheating, etc. Hurting your partner is not funny because that hurt, and that drop in your stomach doesn't go away just because they revealed it was a pranks. I hope she's embarrassed.
The interesting thing is that when people decide to prank somebody else, they cause shock, and they cause suffering. And then they think it's funny. And then, because they're so self-centered, they think that because they knew all along it wasn't real, it shouldn't be a big deal to the person that they hurt. But they intentionally harmed somebody. For fun.
Three days later, the OP returned with an update.
Okay update on this situation. The majority of comments helped me realise I was in the right. I took the advice someone gave me and decided to show my ex and family how it felt.
Yesterday as revenge I messaged my ex telling her to meet me at a restaurant and messaged my family telling them the same. When they all arrived I was watching from a distance, my ex looked very excited to see me and when her and my family noticed each other they all looked confused.
I messaged them all "it's not so funny now is it?". My ex began to cry and my Mum went to comfort her. I then left and went home. My siblings later messaged me saying that what I did helped them realise that they were wrong. So I rang them and had a proper civilised chat with them. It seems they may have learned their lesson and I may have sorted things with them.
My parents are still furious, but hopefully they will come round especially now that my siblings see my point and will no doubt talk to them. My ex came to my house later that day, she was banging on the door, sobbing and begging to speak to me and saying she loved me.
I felt a spark of pity for her after all I do still love her. But she has made her bed she can sleep in it. I ignored her and eventually she left. Today I'm removing all traces of my ex from my life. Anything I have that was a gift from her I will give away. And since there is no time like the present I'm going to start dating again.
There is a girl (F26) at my work who has been pursuing me for a couple of months, I previously haven't felt ready to date again but, like I said, no time like the present. Also, I need to properly move on and the fact is, I do feel the same way about this new girl. So, I'm going to ask her out when I see her in a couple of hours. Thanks for your support.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's update:
So pretty tame prank. Seems like your parents just don’t get it. Sell what you can before you give it away. Do something fun with the money. Take your time with a new relationship. Hopefully she is more mature. Good luck. Update me!
I agree with you— OP Cutting ties and moving forward is never easy, but it seems like you’re doing what’s best for your peace of mind. Hope things work out with the new girl fresh starts can be a good thing! Wishing you the best as you keep moving forward.
I'm honestly confused about what was that 'revenge'? And what made your siblings change their mind when you didn't even do anything that was remotely close to what your ex did 🤔
Capital-Ship-7726 (OP)
My siblings changed Thier minds because it helped them see why being tricked and feeling betrayed is not funny.
NTA, but you seriously need to not date and be single for a while. Don't rush into anything. Take the time to forget your ex and get in the right head space first. You don't want to go from one crappy situation to another possible one. Don't ever go with someone from work. That could lead to another disaster if it doesn't work out.
Capital-Ship-7726 (OP)
I have been single for 6 months, I won't rush, if she says yes I will go at her pace.
I mean I understand you've been single for 6 months but based on this Revenge plot prank I'm pretty sure you're not ready to date. You should be single for a while longer.