'AITA for considering breaking up with my fiancée because she talked bad about my sister?'
"AITA for considering breaking up with my fiancée because she talked bad about my sister?"
throwaway827262511
I 36m have been together with my fiancée 38f for 4 years, we are in the middle of planning our wedding and are just about to send out invites. However, I am not so sure I want to go through with the wedding anymore.
For some backstory, my sister 32f got pregnant at 18 and her boyfriend left, she had her baby at 19. Her daughter is now 13 years old and she is one of the smartest, most well behaved and one of the greatest kids I have ever met.
My sister had a rough time, but with the help from our grandma, she managed to get through college and land a great job. She has done so much great things and her being a young single mother never made her a bad person.
My fiancée has always been quite distant with my sister since she found out this. A year into our relationship we were hanging out with my sister, drinking and talking. She, from nowhere, blurted out “Sooo, why did you just not abort her?”.
It caused an argument but me and my sister forgave her for it because we chalked it up to her just being drunk. But she has always had these backhanded things to say to my sister, but my sister always assured me it did not matter.
Last Saturday, she was on the phone with her friend. She was in the living room and I was in the kitchen, I think that she either talked loud without noticing or just did not know I could hear her.
She was talking about my sister being a failure, that if she ever had a daughter that did the same she would make sure that she was shunned and would make sure that the baby died.
She said that it was sad that my sister was “such a stupid fing bi0tch” and decided to ruin her life over a kid that it is not even all that. She went on and on, laughing and saying hurtful things about my sister.
I was disgusted with her. I talked with her about it on Monday and she went off on me invading her privacy, that I had no respect for her and that I had no right to listen to her conversation.
I told her if that were her true feelings and she said that I was even more stupid than my sister if I didn’t realize that she has always felt that way. We ended the conversation there and she has been acting like if nothing happened.
Would I be a jerk if I cancel our wedding because of this? Is this even a valid reason. I love my sister and I know that she is not a failure, but hearing her talk about my family in that way hurts me and I did not think that about her. How can I spend the rest of my life with someone who thinks that way about my own family?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
CampusTour
NTA. Run dude, what she said to your sister and what you overheard was some borderline psycho nonsense. And yeah you didn't realize it earlier, because she's been hiding it. She feels secure since you're about to get married, so the mask slipped.
If it really was a "didn't you know I always felt this way" she wouldn't have reacted the way she did when she found out you overheard. Would she have gone off about her privacy if you overheard her talking about picking up milk on the way home?
If it wasn't, the reaction would have been more like "Yeah, and? I've made no secret about how I feel about your sister." No, her reaction was for something you weren't supposed to hear.
Fortunately you did. GTFO dude. What she thinks and says about your family is enough. Where this will escalate to over the years if you get married should scare you.
judgingA-holes
I agree with all of this. Just want to add that you now know how she would also treat your future children in a situation like the one your sister was I'm. Are you okay with how she said she would treat and act toward your potential future daughter?
Gnd_flpd
Whoever you fell in love with was "her representative" , the judgmental ass bitch you just heard bad mouthing your sister is the real deal. You may love her, but I don't see much love or even respect coming from her, especially with her comment to you here: "She said that I was even more stupid than my sister if I didn’t realize that she has always felt that way."
She barely has any respect for you and I'm willing to bet she has said something similarly disrespectful to your sister, but you sister did not tell you, probably because you appear to be so whipped you're just considering cancelling the wedding, hell you should have kicked her to the curb after her insulting comment!!! NTA.
Jervic94
NTA. Breakup with her. Your fiancee is a cunt. When people show you who they are, believe them. Apropos of nothing she said your niece should've be aborted and your sister is awful.
Cute-Profession9983
This is a PERFECT reason to cancel your wedding. Her mask came off.
phyrsis
NTA. You can break up with anyone at any time for any reason, and it's absolutely understandable to not want to be in a relationship with a mean, horrible woman.
Comfortable-Bug1737
Why didn't you break up on the spot? What weird, jealous behaviour. A 13 year old that isn't even all that! I feel for your sister.
SuccessfulSeaweed385
You would be the AH if you don't cancel the wedding immediately.