'AITA for breaking up with my ex-boyfriend without warning?' UPDATED 4X

"AITA for breaking up with my ex-boyfriend without warning?"

My ex boyfriend is making my life miserable So here it goes, I (23f) was in relationship with Chris (26m) for 4 years. We were best friends. Everything was perfect like fairytale. We both had well paying jobs. And we had a great apartment I mean it was his but I used to pay half the rent. I thought this was it. I definitely knew we were gonna get married. But then tragedy struck.

One of my coworkers got fired from job because she filed a harassment case against our manager. I knew he was capable of doing it and she had proofs so I backed her up. But then she got fired from work and I knew I was the next one to get fired. Everyone was talking about it. All of us knew I was getting fired and that eventually happened. But I was not sad.

Was already searching for new job told my boyfriend he was very supportive. That night he went out with his friends he asked me but I was tired. Everything was fine 2 days later I got message from his friend .He said my boyfriend slept with his girlfriend. At first I thought it was prank or joke but no he was right. He told that they didn't have affair but they did sleep together. It was a one time thing.

He even showed me the photos. His girlfriend confessed him as she felt guilty. He broke up with her. Asked me to do the same. I was shocked, didn't know what to do. I thought of asking my bf then I got message from him saying I want to talk to you. He said he'll come home and if you are at home stay there I'll be there in 15 min. This confirmed everything. I was crying and then I packed my bags and all my stuff.

I left a note saying I know that you cheated and I'm breaking up with you. I did this because I didn't want to face him. If I stayed there he would have manipulated me .He always did this when he wanted something .I went to my sister house n went to sleep. I switched off my phone. Told sister everything n said not to tell my bf I'm here.

He was calling everyone in my family and friends to ask about me I already told my family. My bf even visited my sister house I think he knew I was there. My sister kicked him out. I was totally numb. Didn't know how to feel what to do. I was not even crying anymore just sitting there total blank. My sister bf told me I can stay here as long as I want. He is a great guy.

Few days later I was waiting for my sister suddenly my ex bf came there and sat next to me. Here how the conversation goes...

Chris: Hi how are you

Me : good as you can see.

C : you're looking great .Looking very beautiful

M: what do you want now. You cheated n now here to tell me reason or excuses

C:I didn't do it on purpose it just happened. I'm Sorry I will never do that again. I love you. It was my biggest mistake I was not in control. You can slap me or punish me but don't leave me. By the way he was crying uncontrollably during this but nothing really worked for me. He was begging literally. M : OK I forgive you. Now leave.

C: But what about our relationship

M: What relationship. I told you I'm breaking up with you. You asked for forgiveness I accept that.

C :you can't do this. You know I messed up I'm regretting it now. I'll die if you didn't come back.

M: I really don't have time for this now. You asked for forgiveness you got it now there's nothing to talk about.

I left as I was barely controlling my tears. I was just putting out a strong face just to show him. He came again next day same discussion. A week later he said I left my thing in his place. It was a frame filled with our pictures which I gifted him. He was doing that on purpose. I took all the pictures out and kept the frame. Everyday he is here.

Yesterday I told him that stop doing this nothing going to happen. Just go and accept the truth. Today he didn't talk but he was still there. I was out shopping and he was everywhere like every single store I went to. I certainly don't care but that's weird. He just following me at this point. I don't want to see his face everyday. I don't show doesn't mean I don't have feelings.

I cry like everyday and night. And seeing him everyday makes it worse. He is ruining my life at this point. He is saying I broke up with him without any warning. So am I wrong for not waiting for his explanation??

Here's what people had to say to OP::

Lilpoopiesquat said:

He cheated without any warning. You get what you give. On the other side I didn’t not handle my last break up well. We were still consistently communicating for a month after and I was going insane. After that we went no contact and it’s been 6 months and now I’m in a healthy place again.

I know it’s not in your control, but try to do anything and everything to maintain no contact. Eventually, hopefully, he’ll lose steam and go no contact.

Dizzy_Eye5257 said:

I think it's time to call the police and apply for a restraining order. It's gotten totally out of hand.

BeverlyToegoldIV said:

No, you did nothing wrong, tell him to leave you alone and if this continues you should talk to the police. This is stalking/harassment.

And tuna_tofu said:

He CHEATED without warning too so...

Update:

Thank you so much for all the suggestion. I'm going to get a restraining order. I also called his friend whose girlfriend he cheated on with he said he will surely help me. My sister bf is coming back tomorrow .Also we are going to my sister's friends house to sleep.Just for today as we are alone in here. Her husband is cop.

Second update:

The girl who he cheated with called just hours ago. She n her bf got back together. They are going for a open relationship. And apparently my bf convinced his friend to forgive her. My sister totally went nuts on that bitch. But Why is his friend still talking to him n he also wants to help me. Are they all together and making a fool outta me. My sister did record the call.

I know it's not needed but still .Why did his friend do that or maybe he's planning something else I don't know. I know this is not necessary information for my case. But this happened n I thought I'll share. Sorry if you feel this was not relevant. And I'm getting a restraining order. As of now I have not gone anywhere. Sister still with me trying to cheer me up.

Third update:

First of all thank you so much guys for all your support and advice. Alot of people agreed with me that I did was right thing. I didn't owe him anything he messed up the relationship right when he cheated. Also someone said it was looks like it was written by a kid, sorry English is not my first language. So I tried my best.

I slept most of time today as I was little down. When I woke up my sister's boyfriend was here.my sister told me when I was asleep she got text from my bf. She showed me the messages. It was long text basically everything he wanted to say. I'll just write the important things.

He started with the cheating part. He said I'm ashamed of myself ,how did I do this blah blah... But he's still adamant on I didn't do that on purpose thing. He regrets everything. He has written some details of what happened but I don't feel comfortable sharing that. Then said he didn't tell me because he thought I'll leave him that means if his friend had not told I would've never known he cheated.

Most interesting thing here is he is still pushing that I was not in control reason. So he added that his friend n gf got together because they genuinely love each other. They wanted to solve this issue and they looked past the things and came to conclusion that their relationship is important. They know everyone makes mistakes. Everyone deserves second chance in life.

Their relationship is strong so they survived this disturbance. He said I'm throwing away 4 years relationship for a mistake that he clearly regrets. He understands that my trust is broken but he'll try to gain it back. I don't know how he'll do that, following me doesn't make me trust you buddy.

He said I'm angry n hurt that's I took those decision and left him. I should have heard him first then have taken the decision. His uncle has been sick so he's going to visit him. So he's saying is I'll get lot of time to think when he's gone n try to understand his situation. He is always around so I'm bothered with him. He said our relationship didn't have any troubles before because we understand each other.

That's what relationship are. If everyone thinks like me then no couples would have stayed together. Every relationship has flaws but it survives because they are willing to make sacrifices. And that he still loves me very much. Will do anything to get me back. He can even wait years for me. He will not follow me again but he wants to talk to me after he comes back. Yay good luck with that Chris.

My sisters bf said he thinks that my BF is not going anywhere. he just wants us to think he's gone so that we can stop thinking about involving cops. Then we get relaxed he'll start doing that again. He's clearly still trying to act innocent. Honestly even if he telling the truth I have made my decision and I'll not change it. Regarding the restraining order we discussed everything and figured it out.

I didn't get much time today because my sisters dog got massive diarrhea so we cleaned the house n took him to vet. He is okay now. So that's all that has happened. I'll update you guys if anything happens again. Thanks for supporting me and showing your concerns.

Fourth and final update:

So it's been a long time. For people who don't want to read previous one long story short my bf cheated on me his friends gf, I left his home with a note that I'm breaking up with him. But according to him I didn't give him chance to explain himself. Then he stalked me and made everyone worse.

Lot of things have happened since then my ex didn't contact me for 6 days no calls, no message I really thought that he was finally gone. But on 1 Sept around 9pm I got call from one of our mutual friend saying that my ex tried to commit suicide. His friends were there they stopped it. It was mess but he is fine now just hurt a little. I was scared n crying never thought he'll do something like that.

When I was kid my neighbor had killed herself I didn't take it well. I was traumatized since then I'm very sensitive. I cried the whole night didn't sleep didn't eat. Next the common friend she visited me after seeing him she told that he's okay. But he looks like he doesn't take care of himself. Also I was called whore, bitch and many other names by his friends.

She said I should go to see him. My sister disagreed with this as it will give him hope that I'll come back to him. my sister she called my mom told her everything .They know how I take these things cuz after my father passed in 2021 I was depressed. I literally gave up didn't eat, was just sleeping not talking to anyone. It was very hard for me to leave it behind.

I got my life back together after all that just for this to happen. My mom said she will fly here as soon as she can. She came here in 3 days later with everything ready.she wanted me to go to Boston with her. So my uncle have a house in Boston. His gf was there. He bought it when they were together now they broken up the house is empty. He uses it whenever he goes to Boston.

He often says to all the relatives that if you wanna go there you can live in my house. He told her that we can go there for few days. Mom wanted me to take out of here. She was not wrong bcz my Birthday was in few days. I didn't wanted to go bcoz I have everything here but I guess it's time to move on. So for my ex I left him voicemail and card I know it's stupid of me to do that but I can't leave like this.

I'm in Boston right now with my mom. My sister didn't get leave so she gonna be there with her bf. I also feel sorry for all the trouble I caused them. They are gonna come here as its my birthday tomorrow .I really don't know how to feel. I just want to be alone. But I can't say anything as I don't want to ruin or spoil anything. I have done enough.

I don't have job, lost my 4 yr relationship I have to start everything from the beginning now at least my mom is here. I'm not feeling good here but it's time to accept it and continue. Maybe things will get better I wish.