'AITA for breaking up with my fiancé over his opinions on my 'revealing clothes'?'
"AITAH for breaking up with my fiancé over me wearing 'revealing clothes'?"
Okay, so this might sound like a small issue, but it’s been a huge deal for me, and I’m really torn on whether I overreacted. I (27F) have been with my fiancé (30M) for 3 years. Things were mostly great at first, but lately, we’ve been having some problems around the way he controls what I wear.
Here’s the situation: My fiancé has this rule where he refuses to let me wear anything that shows too much skin. We’ve had multiple conversations about this, but they always go the same way: him telling me it’s “disrespectful” and me trying to explain why it’s a problem for me. I’ve tried to be patient, but the whole thing has been getting under my skin more and more.
To give you a better idea, I’m not talking about anything extreme. I don’t go around in bikinis or anything like that. I’m talking about dresses that are a little shorter (just above the knee) or tops that show a tiny bit of cleavage. I’ve always been confident in how I dress, and I love wearing things that make me feel good about myself. But he keeps saying it’s inappropriate and that he doesn’t want other men looking at me.
At first, I thought maybe I was just overreacting. But then he started saying things like, “You don’t see me out there trying to get attention from other women, so why should you be showing off for other guys?” It started to feel less like a preference and more like an issue of control.
One time, he even told me that if I really loved him, I’d respect his wishes and stop wearing certain clothes because it made him “uncomfortable.”
I tried to compromise and wear more “modest” outfits, but even then, it wasn’t enough. It wasn’t just about the clothes anymore; it was about him telling me what I should and shouldn’t wear based on his insecurity. I started feeling like I was walking on eggshells, constantly worrying about whether he would approve of what I put on.
The breaking point came last week. We were getting ready to go out for a dinner date, and I picked out a dress I really liked. It was simple but had a slightly low neckline—nothing too revealing, just enough to make me feel cute and confident. When I showed him, he immediately said, “Are you seriously wearing that? I’m not okay with you going out looking like that. It’s disrespectful.”
I asked him, “Why is it disrespectful? I’m not doing anything wrong. It’s just a dress.” He replied, “It’s not about what you think is okay. It’s about what I think is okay, and I don’t want other guys looking at you that way.”
That was the moment everything clicked for me. I realized that this wasn’t about respect, trust, or love. It was about control. It wasn’t just the clothes—it was how he wanted to dictate my choices, how he was more concerned with how other men viewed me than trusting me to make decisions for myself.
So, I ended things. I told him that I couldn’t be with someone who didn’t respect my autonomy or trust me to make my own choices. I told him that I needed someone who would support my self-expression, not try to suppress it out of insecurity.
Now I’m second-guessing myself. Maybe I made a rash decision, but at the same time, I don’t think I should have to shrink myself to make someone else feel secure. AITA for ending things over this?
What do you think? AITA? This is what commenters had to say:
SadFaithlessness8237 said:
NTA, glad you got away from this controlling jerk. It would escalate until you weren’t even allowed out of the house without him AND wearing an outfit selected by him.
There’s nothing inherently wrong with a desire for your SO to dress as to not be flashing everyone, but from what you described you could be dressed as an Amish woman would and it would not be acceptable to him. Ridiculous behaviors deserved dumping.
salukiqueen said:
You were spot on in your assessment of him and in your reaction. That was only the tip of the iceberg, people that controlling don’t stop at the first thing it’s always a snowball to see how much you’ll let him control. First your clothes, then your hobbies, then your friends, then the shows you watch. If you need someone to validate you here it is: you made the right call.
SadFaithlessness8237 said:
NTA, glad you got away from this controlling jerk. It would escalate until you weren’t even allowed out of the house without him AND wearing an outfit selected by him.
There’s nothing inherently wrong with a desire for your SO to dress as to not be flashing everyone, but from what you described you could be dressed as an Amish woman would and it would not be acceptable to him. Ridiculous behaviors deserved dumping.
OP responded:
lmao, but really thanks i agree
sideways_apples said:
NTA!!! You just escaped an abusive relationship in the making. That control.... is about you bending to become his dream sex toy, and a nun to the rest of the world, regardless of anything about you. This is an abuser.... you did the only thing that you b needed to.
And OP responded:
LMAOO, but all honesty thank you your making me feel better about my choice.