'AITA for breaking up with my GF because she wants full details of my wealth after 2 months together?'

"AITA for ending a relationship because she wants full details of my wealth after 2 months of being together?"

A couple of my friends thought that I acted wrongly here. I'm curious what other people think. I (40m) just ended a 2 month relationship with my now-ex (39f) - I'll call her "X".

I ended it because she pestered me to know about my finances, despite me saying that I wasn't comfortable letting her know something like that so early. Both of us were divorced once already, and we were both the person who asked for the divorce (neither divorce was terrible, we both divorced for emotional differences).

I try to keep my finances on the down-low, for obvious reasons. I've lost a few friendships, and had to break contact with more than one family member due to money (people who asked for help and blew it).

But this is pretty easy to do, because I don't live lavishly. I ride a bike most of the time, and I live in a relatively modest house. However, I don't work currently, aside from some volunteer work, so that's the one thing that stands out.

I made some really good (lucky) financial choices early in my life. I bought a house at 17 with money I saved from a young age (my dad arranged the mortgage under his name, but I paid everything and took over the mortgage when I was old enough), and I worked hard to pay off the mortgage by the time I was 24.

Long story short, this gave me a serious advantage with finances in my 20s, and I made a lot of investments, some of which paid off big time in the past few years (crypto). Today I don't work, but I'm not decided on being "retired", I have some projects that I'm thinking of turning into a business.

When X and I met, finances weren't discussed at all, and she seemed really down to earth. She even said a few times that money doesn't matter to her. I tried my best to keep my finances hidden from her, because I didn't want to have an inaccurate sense of her feelings for me.

After being together for about 3 weeks, the subject of my finances came up (because of the fact that I don't work). I told her about my young homeownership, and having my mortgage paid off, and that I have enough money to not work, but I didn't say anything else.

From that point, she seemed very fixated on finances, and her personality started changing. She constantly talked about lavish things she wants to do, like expensive trips, etc. And most of all, she did not give up on the questions about my finances. This continued consistently, and she would ask me specifically how much money I had, and how much I had invested, etc.

It almost became an argument once, she raised her voice about it, and quickly cooled herself off about it and changed the subject. I wrongly told myself that cooling herself off like that was a good sign of maturity (maybe it was).

Each time she asked about it, I set a clear boundary by saying that I didn't think we were at a stage of our relationship where we should ask eachother things like that. She would agree, and then slowly weasel her way back into the topic by the next time we saw eachother.

We weren't dating "heavily", I would say. We're not teenagers who spend every waking moment together, we saw each other maybe 2-3 times per week, and she would spend the night occasionally, and we spent 2 entire weekends together (maybe that's serious, but I don't think so).

And we hadn't yet ever discussed moving in together, or much less marriage. So we weren't at a stage where I felt it was appropriate for us to ask eachother things like that, especially when I had given her what I would consider to be enough information.

Anyways, I broke things off this past weekend, and it didn't go well. She was very emotional about it, which I didn't expect considering the fact that I thought the relationship wasn't very far along.

The only point I made in the breakup was that I felt like my privacy was being invaded because we had not reached any kind of relationship milestone that I would consider talking about things like finances. I told her that I could understand if we were talking about moving in together, she might want to know how financially secure I was.

I talked to a few of my friends last night about the breakup. They had all met her once, and they liked her. 3 of my friends agreed that I acted immaturely, and that I shouldn't have been so secretive.

One of my friends said "it's unfair to hide something like that, because everyone else at least has a ballpark idea of how much money someone makes as soon as they know what kind of job they have, and she didn't have info like that, which is unfair to her". I didn't agree with this, because it's foolish to make assumptions like that, combined with the fact that she said multiple times that money didn't matter to her.

I'm curious to hear what other people think about this. AITA?

What do you think? AITA? This is what commenters had to say:

Cute-Profession9983 said:

Who are these jack@$$ friends? You have experience with people changing when they find out about your situation. She just got a hint of it and was already planning on how to spend it.

OP responded:

Admittedly, the friends who felt this way are not my closest friends. We have a friend group of about 12 of us, and these few aren't as close to me as the rest of them. And it was really only one of them that was hard against my choice. The other two who were just like "well I wouldn't have been so secretive".

I get the sense that some of them have been burned by secrets in a relationship before, so I'm not going to judge too much.

Blue-Being22 said:

Two months?!? Two flipping months?!? She’s way out of line. That’s no time at all!

I can’t think of one way you were “immature.” Get some new friends.

P.S. (Two months! 2! Sheesh!)

worthy_usable said:

NTA. Real talk here, friend. If she asked you once to ensure that you aren't El Chapo's long lost cousin, I get that. Especially because you don't need to work for right now. That's fair. But to keep fixating on what she would like to do with your money? Nah. Hard pass. Time to move on.

Full-Reception552 said:

NTA - If she truly didn't care about money, then she wouldn't have pushed you so hard. Knowing you have enough to own your own home and support yourself while not working is more than enough information for a two month relationship.

Mother_Search3350 said:

You dodged a nuclear missile. 2 months into a relationship is waaaaay too early to be obsessed with someone's money and finances and investments . Definitely NTAH

jrm1102 said:

NTA - you’re 40 and “retired”. Someone you’re dating will absolutely have questions about whats going on. I think she was prying too much and you did tell her you werent comfortable answering. But I do think you need to maybe be a little more appropriately honest here if you want to move forward with someone.

I do get some gold digger vibes from her. But if youre not working, I can also see someone trying to figure out if youre not a deadbeat since youre not working. Ya know, it goes both ways sometimes. Maybe not this time though.

OP responded:

"you’re 40 and “retired”. Someone you’re dating will absolutely have questions about whats going on."

I definitely expect this kind of question when someone notices that I don't work.

"if youre not working, I can also see someone trying to figure out if youre not a deadbeat since youre not working"

Indeed, but she knew that I had enough money to live from the proceeds of my investments.

And she knew that I volunteer for non-profit orgs, I didn't share this in my post, but knew that I work as CFO for two different non-profits, and I do some manual labour work for a local charity that provides food for low income families.

I also keep my house very clean, I exercise often (I bike as my main source of transportation). There definitely wasn't a reason to suspect I was a deadbeat, or lazy, etc.

Whole_Craft_1106 said:

You’re 40 with no job. How do you explain that? Clearly that comes up quite early. Maybe she thought you were full of it.

OP responded:

She knew the general story. She just didn't know how much money I had, and she wouldn't leave that alone.