Bride and groom announce that they already eloped at the wedding reception, 'people FREAKED OUT.' AITA?
"AITA for announcing at our reception that we’re already married?"
I (30F) got engaged to Jack (31M) last year. From the start, wedding planning was a nightmare. We were excited to celebrate and begin venue searching, but Jack broke his knee and couldn’t walk for months.
During Jack’s recovery, his brother Paul got engaged to Eva. Immediately, the family’s attention shifted. Paul and Eva got an engagement party, they got to tour venues, go dress shopping; we were just...the other ones. By the time Jack recovered, we realized that not only did we not want to compete with Paul and Eva, but that a traditional wedding wasn’t in our budget. It would be cheaper to elope in Greece with close friends and family, then honeymoon there.
Happy with our decision, we told the family in May that we would get married in Greece in December. Everyone was excited--for exactly six days, until Paul and Eva shared their date: one month before ours.
It felt intentional. Paul has a thing about being the eldest and married first. And surprise, everything then turned to them. Band or DJ? White or beige linens? Who will be the flower girl? Everyone only cared about Paul and Eva’s big wedding, not me and Jack’s.
It felt like everything was going wrong. Only one member of the bridal party (Taylor) said she’d go to Greece. Even my mom wouldn’t come. Paul and Eva were determined to upstage us, nobody cared about our wedding, even the bachelorette party sucked (but that’s another story.) So, Jack and I decided in July to do a private courthouse ceremony—something just for us instead of everyone else.
Jack and I still eloped in Greece alone. It was perfect, and we had a little of our budget left, so decided to throw a small reception for friends/family back in the US when we returned. There, we shared our secret: that Jack and I actually married in July.
People FREAKED OUT. Eva blurted, “what was the point of Greece?” and fumed the rest of the night. Our friends were quiet and kept to themselves. Taylor left early for an "emergency." Even my mom left early.
Later, Taylor called and said she felt “hurt” she wasn’t “included in the real wedding.” She was included; she found out about our real wedding when my own family did. She was invited to the reception and the bach, the two most intimate and expensive celebrations of my life.
She used a lot of therapy-talk, like “your day isn’t about me, I just wanted to be a part of it." But nobody else complained, including my family, who are more important to me than anything. if they didn't feel excluded, why should she? My coworker thinks IATA. She said people traveled for our reception on late notice just to be told they weren't important enough for the real wedding. But nobody cared about our wedding, they just felt entitled to it after the fact.
EDIT:
There were 3 events: 1) courthouse (July, just us), 2) ceremony/honeymoon in Greece (Dec, just us), and 3) reception in US with family in Jan. We unfortunately had to uninvite my in-laws and Taylor from Greece after my mom couldn't attend.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
BoyoDee said:
You know what, YTA. For starters, I’m convinced this whole thing with Paul and Eva is entirely in your own head and you made a nonsense casserole over nothing. Life does not stop for anyone else when Jack is recovering and Paul and Eva can have their wedding whenever they went. It’s not like there’s a line or anything on who can have weddings first. You sound like you really crave attention and your words and actions throughout the post are super off putting.
As for the actual conflict, idk why you decided to wait until right then and there to announce that, or at all. It sounds so weird to attend a wedding only for one of you to randomly throw out “oh yeah we actually got married months ago lol” Really just sounds spiteful and a reason to stir up drama nobody needed.
lihzee said:
YTA for bothering to announce it at all. You caused all this drama and no one even needed to know, it really didn't matter beyond you acting like it mattered for some reason. It feels spiteful.
carr1e said:
YTA. I'll give a personal anecdote that's similar. My parents were married two months before their ceremony and reception. Why? My dad was stationed at an Air Force base, and they both wanted my mom to have the rights of a military spouse on base...specifically, to shop at the commissary, use the gym, library, etc. Sounds silly, but this was in rural central Illinois and base privileges were a big deal in a city with jack sh$t to do in it.
No one in the family knew about it, and only my sister and I knew about it when we were old enough because my parents would celebrate both anniversaries. My parents never told anyone, and we took that to their graves as well. They kept it to themselves, because the information served no purpose and might have hurt the ones they loved who made a beautiful event for them. You might have considered this approach as well if the intention wasn't to spite people.
OkJuice9821 said:
Oh no, another couple got engaged and married in a month when it’s supposed to be YOUR WEDDING YEAR????? They’re clearly out to get you, there’s no other explanations! Yeah, people will probably be more excited about an event they’re able to go to with a lot of active planning than one they won’t be at.
Especially if once they’ve made the effort to travel to celebrate you on late notice, you make it seem like they weren’t important enough to know the real plans. It’s 6+ months after you got married - they’re probably wondering why the party was late notice/not better organized. It seems like they made the effort to be there and at every step you’re discounting their efforts. YTA.
I-hear-the-coast said:
YTA. I mean you planned a wedding in Greece, but the ended up uninviting people. Did you not think that affected their lives? They were making plans on the basis they’d be in Greece during that time. A destination wedding is always going to have a very limited guest list, but you were hurt not everyone could come as if it was right next door. You had a bachelorette trip, which probably did cost your friend Taylor some money? Curious if you paid every cent of that.
I don’t think people are required to have guests at their wedding, but you should have told people beforehand that rather than “uninviting” them to your wedding, you realised the folly of your plan and how inconvenient it was for anyone else. Apologised and stated you’d go back to the orignal plan of Greece as your honeymoon. Apologized again for constantly going back on plans, but asserting it was all over. You’d do a private ceremony, honeymoon, then a reception to celebrate. Instead you hosted a party saying “aren’t you happy for us!!!”
Creepy_Minimum666 said:
YTA. What a bunch of self-absorbed BS.
fluffyfunhouse said:
YTA….and also you sound exhausting. This didn’t need to be announced. It was unnecessary and kind of petty.
fluffyfunhouse said:
YTA….and also you sound exhausting. This didn’t need to be announced. It was unnecessary and kind of petty.