Bride asks if she'd be wrong to have 2 weddings to exclude Christian family members.
Ah, the ancient question that has haunted engaged couples for years: is a wedding really for the people getting married, or is it for the families and guests?
So, when a conflicted bride decided to vent to the moral compass of the internet otherwise known as Reddit's 'Am I the As*hole' about whether or not she would be wrong to have two weddings to please certain Christian family members, people were ready to help weigh in.
WIBTA for having a second wedding?
So, I'm getting married next year. My man and I have divided out families into two groups. The Capital C Christians(C3's) and everyone else.
We're both from fairly conservative families that live really close, so we see uncles, aunts, cousins, etc on the reg and anytime there's a squabble in the family is blows up to stupid proportions. My man actually works for one of those uncles.
When we were first planning we were trying to come up with fun ideas. My Man of Honor works on a dude ranch and they have this really awesome outdoor space that they do weddings at, and there's three local food trucks that do amazing catering jobs.
I don't really like traditional white wedding dresses, so we were looking at more colorful ones for me and suits for him. Really just having fun with our friends and family you know?
Then we realized that the C3's in our families would flip out about it not being godly enough or whatever. No white dresses, no churches, no priests telling me to obey my husband, have a Man of Honor instead of a Maid, etc.
We felt out some of those relatives too, to see if they'd be more open minded? Nope, at least four people went on tirades about not getting married in churches. We can't exactly exclude all of them or the drama would get us our own NBC show.
So we got the idea that we would have a second wedding. A stiff, traditional wedding at the church with just our family around us, and then a second wedding (more like a hyped up reception at this point, but we both think of it as our Real Wedding) at the ranch with all of our friends and the family members that we actually get along with.
My sister, one of the C3's, found out about it on accident from our brother and is furious with me. She thinks we're being horrible for excluding half our families from our real wedding and is threatening to tell everyone about it.
She told me that my wedding is for our families to be bound, not for me to throw a party. She had her wedding in the same church last month and it was nice enough, I'm not trying to be special or detract from her wedding.
I'd rather just have a courthouse wedding if that's what it comes down to, but my sister was so hurt and it's becoming such an awful thing that I'm starting wonder if she's right and we should have just gone along with tradition in the first place.
EDIT: Only the members of the wedding party knew that the second wedding wasn't just a reception.
We were going to sit through the church vows, and then exchange our own at the second wedding as a 'reaffirmation' or whatever, since none of our friends would have been at the church wedding, just family. We will self-solemnize the week prior.
Here's what the jury of internet strangers had to say here:
Sir-HP23 said
You’re wondering if your sister, WHO IS CURRENTLY BLACKMAILING YOU, is right? Yeah NTA.
atealein said:
NTA. Don't allow your sister to blackmail you (yes, that's what she is doing) into changing your plans. If you cave to her requirements now, your entire family life will follow with this at the start.
Your sister is hurt? BOOHOO it isn't her choice or decision. She had the wedding she wanted, she doesn't get to dictate yours. Honestly, call her on her BS and tell her if she causes you any more drama you will NOT invite her. SPECIFICALLY her. From your entire family.
TeamShadowWind said:
NTA but just don't invite the C3s if it'll be that much of an issue. At the end of the day it is YOUR wedding, not theirs.
FKAFigs said:
NTA, but the church wedding silly if you’re not a C3 yourself. Don’t start your married life with a lie to keep the peace. Sometimes it’s ok for unreasonable people to be upset.
If they really love you, they’ll come around. If they don’t, block buttons are a thing. You’re making a new family the moment you marry, there’s room to drop the worst of the old.
Fancy_Avocado7497 said:
NTA - how long are you going to be held hostage by somebody elses religion and choices? at what point do you begin to be a person entitled to the same choices are your parents and siblings?