'AITA for telling my mother-in-law to get out of my wedding photo?' UPDATED 2X
"AITA for telling my mother-in-law to get out of my wedding photo?"
I (29F) was getting married to my now-husband (32M), and my MIL (59) was invited to the wedding, of course. I got a strange feeling because she continued trying to pick a wedding dress for me (when I had already picked one and said I did). I brushed it off, as I was excited and all.
She also tried to get her son to pick a large, fancy cake (that was only 20% cake). He said no, as I had told him we already made all the arrangements (music, decorations, clothing).
Fast forward, the day of the wedding, we had our ceremony and everything went great. Food and service was amazing, had an artist draw me and my husband while we kissed. I noticed my MIL to be wearing a white simple dress, and didn't think much of it (even though I was a little upset). To have context, she is the only one besides me wearing the color.
Later, when it was photo taking time, I was going to take a photo with my husband. We stood in front of the camera (we had no "official" previous photos besides the kiss), but my MIL walked into the photo. I told her politely to get out a little so me and my husband could take photos with the professional first. She didn't listen and stayed in anyway, and my husband didn't say anything.
Later, OP provided a quick update:
I took one of our photos and photoshopped her out of it, as I didn't have a chance to get a photo w him alone. I posted it on my instagram and my MIL texted me. She said I am disrespectful and family comes first through everything, but I said that it was MY wedding and I understood that but I wanted a photo with him alone and she did not allow that. My husband is upset with me for acting this way, saying im being dramatic. AITA?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
HootblackDesiato said:
It's not too late for an annulment. NTA.
ThinkingT00Loud said:
Your MIL was really, literally, inserting herself in a place where she was not wanted.
I'm a bit surprised that the professional photographer didn't tell her, politely--but firmly, to leave the frame. So, you had a photo that was not what you wanted. You made it what you wanted. Ok, good for you. If she wants to pull the respect card... you've got a couple of points to hit her with.
1. Wearing white to a wedding(?) really, who does that except those who chronically need the spotlight.
2. Imposing herself in a photo where she was asked no to.
As to being 'dramatic' or not... that all lies in the delivery. Setting a boundary is only drama if the other person tries to invalidate it.
Respect goes both ways. Best of luck in the future.
Edit - NTA, but I'm not really sure why you opted to get married to this guy, knowing that he was a mama's boy from the beginning.
IN.FO - you were unable to get a single photo without your MIL in it, just you and your husband? And your husband thinks you're behaving badly by being upset? Has he always been a mama's boy?
Yes, I would say so. He cancels a lot of plans because his mother wants to call him.
By 'single photo' I mean a photo with the professional photographer we hired. He took photos of the ceremony and was supposed to give us a final photo for the end, but was unable to get it without my MIL. There are other photos taken by other guests or my family members, but it was not 'professionally done' and I wanted one of us(because I paid for it).
RoyallyOakie said:
NTA...Your now husband should have told his mother to take a hike. He also should have told her to go change into another color. You now know how your husband is going to react throughout this marriage. You've got some decisions to make.
jmbbl said:
Oof. His first wife vs. mom decision and he chooses mom. NTA.
1962Michael said:
NTA. You deserve to have at least one photo of just you and your husband. Your MIL was extremely disrespectful to not allow that at your wedding. Your husband is also AH for not correcting his mother. I'm guessing that he is her only child, or at least her "golden boy."
She has spent his entire life making sure that whatever he does, it pleases her. Yes, family comes first. This will be a conflict for the rest of your marriage if your husband refuses to stand up for HIS family, which is now YOU AND HIM.
KronkLaSworda said:
NTA at all. Husband should have had your back. At weddings, there are photos with the new couple only, photos with each partners' parents and new couple, photos with siblings, with grandparents. An entire laundry list. MIL doesn't get to be in all of them.
Brainjacker said:
NTA but your issue here is your husband, not your MIL. It's his job to manage his family and he thinks you not wanting to take a couples photo - at your wedding - with your mother in law - makes you "dramatic." Good luck with that for the rest of your life.
Update from OP in the same post:
Me and my husband have agreed to an annulment, and my MIL is still calling me selfish. I have spoken to both of them and my husband is mad I called him a 'mama's boy' and I said his mother was encouraging emotional in^%$t. It was a big mistake that caused a lot, and i'm glad I didn't stay any longer. Thanks for all your support.