Bride asks if it's rude to insist on seeing mother-in-law's outfits before wedding events. AITA?

"WIBTA if I asked my MIL to show me her dress for our wedding events?"

I am getting married this July. We are having a fusion wedding (I am Indian; he is American). His parents are graciously paying for our wedding (they are wealthy). I generally have a great relationship with his mother, although she does suffer from “main character energy” - she likes to be the center of conversation.

We let her, largely because she is funding the vacations and dinners we have with her. My husband’s siblings have complained that at their weddings she has dressed too extravagantly - more so than the bride or what befits the occasion. There is no risk of that at our wedding as Indian brides are hard to beat.

At the same time, I have shown her my outfits for the wedding excitedly but she is refusing to “reveal” her outfits for either of the 2 events to anyone. She is having a custom outfit made for the wedding. For the welcome party, my DIL revealed she’s wearing something crazy and “shiny” but wasn’t allowed to say more.

I haven’t pressed her too much, but have asked her lightly and been refused. This isn’t a big deal to me, but it’s also strange that what she’s wearing is the big surprise for my wedding.

For the welcome party, it would be easier to outshine me as I’m wearing a more minimal outfit. I would like to press her a bit more firmly but don’t want to be rude.

Here's what people had to say about this one:

LowBalance4404 said:

NTA, but here's the thing. You can't really outshine the bride because she's the bride. If anyone tries, they just make themselves look like a fool. I've been to a wedding where the mother of the groom looked like she was going to the Oscars.

There was a bit of eye rolling in her direction and a lot of people distanced themselves from her during and after the wedding. You could always ask your fiancé to ask her.

Over-Ad-6555 said:

You said it yourself...Indian brides are hard to beat as are Indian weddings. Maybe have a couple of backup options, if you think it's necessary. Honestly, unless she's wearing white, if your wedding is leaning more towards traditional American, she's really only going to make herself look like an attention seeking idiot. Would love to see pictures of you and her, after the wedding.

MajorAd2679 said:

ESH. Beggers can’t be choosers. You know she outshined the previous brides and still you took her money to pay for your wedding. You’re fully aware of what she’s do so no need to whine about it. If you didn’t want ur, you should have paid for your own wedding.

tendervittles77 said:

Have your fiancé handle his mom. He should be the one running interference, not you. NTA for your concern, but protect yourself from your main character MIL by not engaging with her directly. I’d also suggest leaving this be. The mom is overbearing and attention seeking, and this sounds like something that could really blow up.

Adarie-Glitterwings said:

NTA - sounds an awful lot to me like she's planning on wearing a wedding dress.

International-Fee255 said:

NTA. But you made a mistake showing her your outfits because now she knows what she's up against. Beware this will be a running theme throughout your marriage.