Bride asks stepdad to walk her down the aisle, bio dad tells her 'I'll have to practice my walk.' AITA?
"WIBTA for inviting my [20F] Dad [36M] to my wedding and not asking him to walk me down the aisle?"
So I will be getting married next August to my wonderful fiancé [20M], David. We are in the middle of finalizing our guest list to send our save the dates. I’m having some mixed feedback from family and friends about the situation with my biological Dad.
For some family background context for myself, my parents had me very young. They did not stay together, and weren’t prepared for a kid. My Dad and I don’t have a bad relationship by any means, but he wasn’t really consistent in my life until I was a pre-teen.
He was always there for me as best he could be and a good Dad although I never lived with him. But, he and my Mom have a good friendship and were always friendly when I was growing up. He always helped out financially and he would take me to Disneyland once a year from the ages 12-18, came to my birthday parties etc. He’s a good dad overall.
However, I was raised mostly by my step-dad Jonathan. My mom married him very young (they’re still together) when I was 2 years old. I just wasn’t around my bio Dad as often. Jonathan worked from home and so he really did the majority of raising me. My mom was a nurses assistant at the hospital and worked crazy hours, so pretty much my whole majority of childhood memories are of Jonathan.
He taught me to ride a bike, packed my lunch every day, and he was the one at EVERY concert and basketball game, even now he still comes to my recreational league games. We have a great relationship. It’s almost like Jonathan is my Dad and my Dad is an uncle, if that makes sense.
I’ve decided I want Jonathan to walk me down the aisle, but almost all of my friends and family keep saying “Your Dad should do that! You will regret having anyone but your Dad do it!” Even my fiancé thinks it would be a better idea to have my Dad do it. And I keep getting told that if I’m not going to have my Dad walk me down the aisle that I just shouldn’t invite him because it will humiliate/shame him to watch Jonathan walk me down.
I haven’t really spoken to my Dad about this yet, he knows I’m getting married but hasn’t really asked about it much, but I think he assumes he will be doing it. The only passing comment I’ve gotten from him has been “I’ll have to practice my walk with you."
It’s got me a bit anxious to sort it out and let everyone know who is doing what. Jonathan has been asking me about the wedding all the time, he loves my Fiancé too and is really involved and I think it would just really mean a lot to him to do this. But, I love my bio Dad a lot and I still want him there. WIBTA for inviting my Dad to the wedding and not having him walk me down the aisle?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
lillien-li said:
NTA but why are you not going to compromise and have both of them walk you down the aisle? My best friend has two Dad's (stepdad and biodad) and both of them are really important people to her so she had both of them walk her down the aisle. It looked really beautiful and every one had tears in the eyes.
AltruisticArticle670 said:
NTA, I agree your dad should walk you down the aisle, I just think Jonathan is your dad. A dad is the one that raises you, not the one that begets you. Looks like your biological father is a nice chap, but that's not an entitlement to a special part of your life. Another option: you could have them both walk you down the aisle, if you want to!
Jaded-Permission-324 said:
NTA, because it’s your wedding. There’s another option: you can walk down the aisle unaccompanied.
forgeris said:
NTA. You choose who comes and in what roles to your wedding. But you must talk to your dad as soon as possible and explain this all, it can't be a wedding day surprise to him. If your bio dad doesn't agree with you he can always skip your big day, but then you will know for sure that he doesn't care about you but only about himself.
Notdoingitanymore said:
NTA. You are allowed to choose who walks with you down the aisle. I think both of your dads would be a wonderful way. It is your choice. Period.
Impossible-Most-366 said:
NTA, you have to be true to yourself and not satisfy some social expectation. However, is it possible to have them both? I world be so proud of I could. You were lucky to have two dads around.