Bride asks if she was wrong to tell 'stunning' SIL she upstaged her at her wedding.
Everyone knows there are 3 universal rules for wedding etiquette: don't wear white, don't abuse the open bar, and don't do anything that would take any attention away from the bride and groom...
So, when a frustrated bride decided to consult the moral compass of the internet otherwise known as Reddit's 'Am I the As*hole' about her sister-in-law's behavior at her wedding, people were quick to help deem a verdict.
AITA (Am I the As*hole) for telling my sister-in-law that she upstaged me at my wedding?
I (30F) recently got married to Matt (30). Matt has a stepsister, Tiffany (28F). I have met her less than 10 times in the five years I dated Matt as she doesn't live nearby and is not close to my husband. However, she was invited to our wedding.
I should mention that Tiffany is very attractive. She is pretty, with a currently fashionable body type, she also dresses well and spends money on her appearance.
This is well known and even though I've only met her a few times whenever she is brought up by my in-laws she always mentioned as being very invested in her image. I don't begrudge her this at all.
The ceremony went fine, but afterwards, while my in -aws were congratulating me, my FIL commented that I looked beautiful, and in the next breath mentioned Tiffany did, too. His wife caught his eye and shook her head, but I ignored it. When Tiffany came over to say congratulations, she looked stunning.
Her dress was beautiful and fit her perfectly, her hair and makeup looked like they'd been done professionally, and she was wearing a pair of obviously designer shoes.
Her outfit was totally appropriate for the event, but I was still weirdly upset by how she looked and immediately felt self-conscious next to her.
Even Matt told her she looked great, and they rarely talk. For the rest of the night, every single male guest at the wedding asked about Tiffany, who she was, how I know her, if she was single, etc.
By the speeches, I was fed up and almost in tears, and even the best man mentioned her in his speech off the cuff. I let it go, went on my honeymoon, and tried to forget the whole thing.
We came back about a week ago, and this past weekend had dinner with my in-laws. Tiffany was visiting, and we learned that she had got engaged. She showed us her comically large ring and said she was planning to have the wedding next year and that it would be a black tie event.
Before I could stop myself, I jokingly said that I was pretty sure I'd already been to her wedding, I was the one in the white dress. She asked what I meant, and I thought there was no point in lying so I just admitted I felt she upstaged me at my wedding.
She laughed and said you can't upstage a bride. I asked if I could wear white to her wedding then and she shrugged and said 'if you think it'll help'. She then apologized if I felt her outfit was inappropriate. My in-laws moved the conversation on and we went on with dinner.
When we got home my husband blew up on me, saying I embarrassed him by being petty and jealous of Tiffany. He said he doesn't even like her but even he knows she can't do anything about what she looks like or the clothes she can afford, and I made myself look bitter and childish, and him by association.
I admit it wasn't my best moment, but I thought he would at least understand how I felt given that he heard everyone's comments that night. He's demanding I apologize to Tiffany and his parents but I don't think I said anything that heinous. AITA?
Is this bride angry that her sister-in-law is attractive?
It would be one think if she rode in on a white chariot, got engaged during her reception and delivered an impromptu during the vows, but she can't help the way she looks.
Of course, the jury of internet strangers were eager to weigh in on this glorious wedding-related family drama. Here's what people had to say:
AprilL4163 said:
YTA (You're the As*hole). By your own admission outfit was completely appropriate for the event. She didn't wear white, announce her engagement or pregnancy during your wedding, strip or bang the best man in the coat closet, she simply attended. Apologize and work on your insecurities.
IReallyLoveNifflers said:
YTA. You are petty and insecure. Your comment of the 'comically large' ring just adds jealous to your list of unfavourable qualities.
ed_lv said:
YTA. She did nothing wrong at all, you're just coming across as petty and jealous. You admitted that she wore a dress that was completely appropriate for the wedding, and while it was OK to feel like her presence upstaged you, telling her that was completely unnecessary.
Prudent_Border5060 said:
Yta. Honestly you sound jealous and petty. She is a beautiful woman who has the income to afford designer clothes. The only one that runied your wedding is you. By acting this way. We shouldn't be competing against other women. You were marrying the man of your dreams but you soured it by this behavior. Look at the good things in your life.
So, there you have it!
Everyone agreed unanimously here that this bride is 100% and completely in the wrong to even feel upstaged by her sister-in-law, but to tell her weeks after the fact? Unhinged behavior. Good luck, everyone!