Bride bans sister from wedding 'because of her attitude.' 'We used to be best friends.' AITA?

"AITA for not inviting my sister to my wedding because of her attitude?"

I (24F) have an older sister (27F) with whom I don't get along. We have different moms and the same dad but she spent most of her childhood with my mom and siblings and we used to be best friends.

As we got olde, I realized that she grew colder and more distant to me and would often make rude comments about my body and mannerisms. These remarks were always random and uncalled for and it got to the point where she got me crying so my dad got angry at her and since then she barely talked to me. This was 10 years ago.

Her mom who used to talk to me became very bitter towards me (Even before my sister made me cry) and I was deeply hurt because she was an adult and someone I used to look up to.

Later on, I found out that she hated my mom for "stealing" my dad even though she and him were separated a year before my parents met. This information broke my heart because I realized that this woman despised me for something that happened before I was born.

Two years ago my sister had her son and she didn't tell my dad and me she was pregnant until she was 8 months along. When she had the baby she wouldn't take our calls so we figured she needed space; I was even planning on seeing her when the baby was older but she didn't contact us for 7 months.

Then I found out that she visited her friend who lived down the street from us to show them the baby, stayed the night then went home without even stopping by. I didn't meet my nephew until his 2nd birthday.

A few months later, her mother died from an illness and I went halfway across the country with my brother to show support to her but she and her side of the family gave us such a cold shoulder while we were there that my brother ended up leaving early. Since that day I decided to keep my distance from her since she doesn't want me around and blames me for things beyond my control.

Fast forward to now, I got engaged to the most amazing man in the universe (M26) and we are currently planning our wedding. When the topic of guests came up we decided that we wanted 50 guests in total. 25 from his side and 25 from mine.

When my mom looked at the list of people for my side she asked why my sister's name was not included. I told her that we were limiting the number of guests because of financial reasons and we both preferred a small wedding.

She said that It would look bad if I didn't invite her but I said no, and stood my ground. I want my wedding day to be the happiest day of my life and I don't want someone there who makes me miserable.

My sister reached out via my dad to ask what was the color theme of my wedding and I told him to not let her know the date of our wedding until after my fiance and I were married. Is that a cruel thing to do? AITA?

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

No_Construction_1096 said:

NTA - Your wedding, your rules. You aren't malicious with your decision not to invite her, you just don't see her as someone close enough to you to be included in those 25 people. And understandably so.

If she didn't want to keep contact with you and nurture your relationship, even though you tried, then that's it. Now go and have your wedding with Captain Amazing and enjoy yourselves.

onecrazywriter said:

NTA If she's not invited, she doesn't need to know anything about the wedding. She didn't want to include you in special moments of her life, so she shouldn't expect an invitation to yours.

McflyThrowaway01 said:

NTA. Are you sure she did, and it's not your parents lying to make you think she is actually interested? Either they are lying about it to make you change your mind, or she is that out of touch with reality to believe she was invited and is not going to support you, but for her own selfish reasons.

Tell your dad that she has treated you like crap your entire life, and you even still tried to support her and be there for her, only for her to ignore your existence. It doesn't matter if she is family, because she has never treated you as family, and you are DONE with excusing her behavior.

You are an adult and you can choose who your family is and is not. She has been allowed to do the same. You don't have to like it but you must respect it.

Cusper2002 said:

NTA— stand your ground and do what’s best for you. You have tried time and time again to rebuild a relationship with her and she’s disregard you and made you feel insignificant every step of the way.

YOU did your best. YOU can’t change being born and your sister is an adult that should know better. You don’t need her or her negativity anywhere near your day. Save it for those who’ve been there and have witnessed you and your soon to be husband's love. Congrats to you both!

Individual_Metal_983 said:

NTA. She clearly doesn't want to have you in her life and I suspect that she only wants to be involved because she wants to do something nasty. I doubt anyone will notice her absence but if it "looks bad" that's on her.

BrittyApples said:

NTA. If she wanted to be included in special moments in your life, she should've shown you the same courtesy. At the very least, she owes you an apology for the way she's treated you. She should've made some sort of effort to patch things up if she expected to attend your wedding. Her lack of self-awareness is insane!