Bride bans fiancé's best friends from wedding, 'this REALLY triggered me.' AITA? 'Please be honest.'

"AITA for telling my fiancé that I don’t want his best friends fiancé at our wedding?"

My fiancé (30m) and I (28f) just got engaged a few months ago and are now in the beginning phase of wedding planning (talking about what we want it to look like, who we would invite, etc.).

Basically, one of his best friends, I’ll call him Joe (29m) is engaged to an old friend of mine, I’ll call her Jill (27f). My fiancé and Joe met through me and Jill a few years ago when we were still cool. I have known her since elementary school and she was one of my best friends up until high school, where Jill and a few mutual friends became jealous when I started dating the boy we all had a crush on.

This caused them all to turn on me and start to bully me, in person & on social media as well as spreading terrible rumors about me around school. The bullying was so bad that I dropped out of high school and was severely mentally ill. Jill and another girl were the worst of them all.

Years later, I let everything from high school go and was willing to be civil in the presence of Jill as we had mutual friends that would invite us to parties or to go out at the same time. Jill and I pretty much just acted like nothing happened in high school and got along seemingly fine.

I never made an effort to be “friends” again with her again, but it was amongst these hang outs where my current fiancé met Joe (her fiancé). 2 years ago, I had a falling out with the mutual friend who was the link between me and Jill reconnecting due to that mutual friend being inappropriate towards my fiancé on multiple occasions.

Well, despite Jill having zero involvement with this falling out, she decided that since our mutual friend didn’t like me anymore, now she doesn’t like me again either. Over the past 2 years my fiancé and Joe continued to get closer (I too, adore Joe, he is a great guy and wonderful friend to my fiancé).

Also over the past 2 years, I’ve been hearing from some mutual friends just how much sh- Jill talks on me, even to this day. A few months ago, I even had my fiancé talk to Joe about it because I was told by our mutual friends new girlfriend that she was initially afraid to meet me due to how Jill falsely described me to her.

This really triggered me, like full mental breakdown and panic attack. It felt exactly like high school again and all the feelings I thought I got over just swarmed me. Well, Joe said he spoke to Jill about it and she replied to him that she “has no issues with me” and “she just talks like that to please the mutual friend."

Anyways, a few days ago, I started to engage the convo with my fiancé about how Joe will obviously get an invite to the wedding, but I will not be comfortable with him bringing Jill. This is suppose to be one of the happiest days of my life and I don’t want to feel insecure, uncomfortable or anxious just because Jill will be there.

I even told him I am 100% ok with having a personal conversation with Joe about my feelings. My fiancé is on the other end saying how uncomfortable it would be for him to tell his best friend that he can come to our wedding but not his fiancé and that he’s afraid this will cause an issue between him and Joe.

I absolutely understand where my fiancé is coming from, I know that would be an incredibly uncomfortable convo to have with his best friend, however, our wedding is about me and my fiancés relationship, not him and Joes. Like, am I the ahole here? Please be nice but honest.

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

Bitter-Picture5394 said:

NTA. But why is your soon to be husband more worried about telling some dude he has only known a few years that his girlfriend can't come to the wedding of the woman she's bullied for decades, but not afraid to tell his soon to be wife that she has to have her bully at her wedding? That's some f'd up priorities, no?

Also, Joe isn't a great guy. He knew his girlfriend was talking crap. She didn't even try to deny it, she just blamed it on trying to appease her friend (which is pathetic in it's own right) and he was cool with that. He doesn't respect you or your relationship with your fiancé.

RewardHungry2419 said:

NTA. Ask your fiancé for the name and address to his childhood bully(s). You know, so you can mail them an invite to the wedding.

SteveRogers822 said:

NTA. Your fiancé needs to choose you over Joe’s potential hurt feelings here by having your back. Jill was quite the pill to you over the years, why should a bully from the past be present at one of the biggest moments of your life?

No_Jaguar67 said:

NTA he don’t have your back. He’s not husband material. Don’t hitch your future to a guy who won’t stand up for you.

Dismal-Sleep-6996 said:

NTA. OP, you are not the vulnerable, manipulated, bullied little girl anymore; you are an adult woman with a beautiful life ahead of you and you need to address Jill directly.

Do not deprive yourself this opportunity to stick up for yourself! No one else could ever vindicate you the way that YOU can. She is continuing to bully you, which will eat away at your self worth. Don't give her any purchase over your life again.

Cevanne46 said:

NTA. This person bullied you to the point that you were suicidal and openly continues to do so - even if she says its only for mutual friends sake she admits your behavior. Your fiancé's response is that it will be uncomfortable for him.

Uncomfortable for him to make sure you're not worried about being mocked and bullied on your wedding day. Uncomfortable for him to make sure you don't have to see your bully on your wedding day.

Life is full of uncomfortable situations and marriage is about looking after each other through it. Don't marry someone who will avoid uncomfortable, even when it means letting you be hurt.