Bride bans fiancé’s 'difficult' cousin’s brand new boyfriend from wedding, 'she will be alone.' AITA?

"AITA for refusing to invite my fiancé’s cousin’s brand new boyfriend to our wedding?"

We are getting married and I (33F) am paying for a good chunk of the wedding. I personally wanted to elope at this stage of life and take a long vacation in Europe. My fiancé (37M) wants to have a blow out wedding. We decided to compromise and have a wedding in our home state and keep the guest list to 80 and under. Especially since I’m paying for a majority of it out of pocket.

His mom started out this wedding planning process saying, “You should do whatever you want. It’s about YOU. Don’t let anyone influence your decisions.” Turns out she means that as long as SHE is the biggest influence on our wedding.

Beyond insisting she wear a CREAM colored dress, sharing our wedding website with people without asking if that was ok, wanting her son’s hair to be styled a certain way… she’s been extremely difficult.

Her latest endeavor has been inviting people to the wedding without our approval. She’s invited 5 of her friends without asking and her excuse was that “I just assumed that they were invited. They invited me to their children’s weddings.”

The newest problem is that her niece (40F) who lives across the country just broke up with her boyfriend in October of last year. I’ve met the niece a handful of time and she’s a great girl and we want her at the wedding. But her ex boyfriend was awful and I was happy that they broke up tbh.

She let us know that the niece is dating someone new and she should be given a plus one. I refused to give her one and told my fiancé: NO. He’s been telling his mom no, and she’s saying we’re not being very nice and that the cousin will be alone. My argument was that we’ve never met this new person, they just started dating, and she will NOT be alone she will be around family.

I guess her siblings are all married, so in that sense she will be alone. I also am trying to save us as much money as possible and never wanted to have a huge wedding anyways. So one less person is a win in my book. But I still feel like my justifications are sound and I’m right for not budging on this. AITA?

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

DinoSnuggler said:

NTA. Time for your fiancé to have one final conversation with his mom letting her know that she doesn't get any input in the guest list or anything else, and if she oversteps she's going to lose her own invite. She's already going to look pretty silly when all these randos she's invited don't end up getting invitations. Because you're not sending them invitations, right? RIGHT?

lycamm said:

NTA. Girl, you are already paying for a wedding you didn't really want and your fiance can't control him overbearing mom? Are you sure you want to go ahead with this?

Number-2-Sis said:

NTA...stop all wedding planning Let them know the planning will only resume under the following conditions A) MIL will NOT wear a cream color d dress B) the five people your MIL invited ARE NOT invited to the wedding C) cousin does not get a plus one, there will be plenty of family there so she will not be alone. If these conditions are not met, cancel all wedding plans, elope, and enjoy a nice honeymoon.

imamage_fightme said:

NTA, but if you are marrying this man in the manner more in line with his wishes, he needs to reel his mother in. If he is unwilling to manage her during this wedding, get ready for a lifetime of her overstepping your boundaries.

Famous_Account272 said:

NTA - it's YOUR wedding do what YOU want, MIL does not get a say unless she is paying the bill!

ChemistOdd3406 said:

ESH. You shouldn't be paying for most of the wedding, especially since you want to elope. Having decided to invite his cousin, you don't get veto power over who she dates or brings. As for the suggestion that you would deprive another adult of a plus one, if that's how you feel then just don't invite her. At this point I would be questioning the entire wedding.

This has very little to do with the cousin or her dating choices and a lot more to do about the dynamic between you, fiancee, and his mom, as well as some money issues that I see in the distance.

If you really want to call the bluff and tell them they can invite whoever they want but they have to pay 100% over the 80, which they should share 50/50 with you. I would go to the mat on this and not get married at all if they won't become more reasonable. But let the cousin bring her damn boy toy to the wedding.

AJLNTZ said:

NTA. You should have went with your first instinct to elope and have a blow out vacation. Is it too late?!