'AITA for not wanting my former bully at my engagement party? I was a heavier girl.'
"AITA for not wanting my middle school bully at my engagement party?"
My fiancé is long time friends with one of my middle school bully’s husband and when he said he wanted to invite him, I specifically said I didn’t want his wife to come because she used to bully me. When he told his friend about this, the friend got upset because his wife remembers us “being friends” and doesn’t understand why I wouldn’t want her there.
For backstory, this girl and I were friends in 5th grade. Shortly before the school year ended she became friends with another girl who didn’t like me, which turned into the two of them treating me like sh%t along with several other girls. They ended up becoming the “popular” girls in middle/high school.
I was always a heavier girl and never had a flat stomach and had curves. I went from being a “chubby” kid to a “fat girl” in middle school. I was probably a size 9-12 while other girls were a 0-4. By 7th grade this group of girls had become very close and ridiculously mean. I was a target because of my size, and eventually these girls honed in on me.
They gave me the nickname “MaCow” (because my name starts with “Ma” and would moo at me in the cafeteria when I would try to eat lunch. They did this on more than one occasion. They would tell other people at my lunch table to guard their lunches because I might eat it before they could.
Eventually I stopped eating at school and I developed extreme self hatred because I was bigger. I developed lifelong eating issues because of it. By the time high school came around the bullying died down and I ended up being on the same sports team as the main girl in question so we were civil towards each other due to being on the team.
We were never friends again and I never considered her a nice person ever again despite spending a lot of time with her at practices and competitions. She never apologized for taking part in being so awful to me and even if she didnt like how the other girls in her friend group were treating me she never stood up for me or said anything to them. I’ve always harbored bad feelings towards her because of what happened in middle school.
Fast forward to now, and my fiancé is saying that me not wanting her at our engagement party is causing issues with his friends because of her stating that she thought we were friends and not understanding why I wouldn’t want her there. Her husband is upset with my fiancé and me for saying she isn’t invited.
I know it was a long time ago but she never apologized and is now claiming not to remember any of that happening. So am I the ahole for still being hurt over it and not wanting her there?
Here's what the top commenters had to say about this one:
PrincessPindy said:
Just because that is how she remembers it doesn't make it true. If your husband doesn't believe you or doesn't have your back now...when will he?
barberc5 said:
NTA you need to tell your partner exactly what happened so he actually knows. Bullying is a vague term that a lot of people are unfortunately able to overlook because high school sucks for everyone and everyone always thinks that they’ve got it bad. Tell him the truth and he should take your side. If he doesn’t, well that’s another issue
KRHARMAN said:
NTA she knows exactly what she did she is not sorry and is pulling the same bullying sh$t from High School. She just doesn’t want to be called out on it now. It’s inconvenient for her. After all it’s a party she doesn’t want to be excluded.
She would probably come and do the backhanded compliments crap if she were there. If your fiancé can’t understand your position from what you’ve said you have to ask yourself if he will ever put you first? It should be either I will be here or her but not both.
If he tries to downplay it tell him she traumatized to the point of it changed how you saw yourself. If he says Aw come on junior high, say I am NOT okay with it. If you can’t understand have the party without me.
dheffe01 said:
NTA, I would tell your fiancé he can pick one of you to be at the engagement party and if it takes more than 2 seconds for him to decide on which one then you are calling off the engagement.
soph_lurk_2018 said:
NTA your fiancé’s friend has his wife’s back. Your fiancé needs to have your back. You don’t want someone who made your life hell at your wedding. That’s fair.
ImJustAquiToRead said:
NTA. At all! And I must say, it’s interesting that she’s saying she “doesn’t remember” it happening, as opposed to “that didn’t happen”/denying it happened.