'AITA for telling my sister that her new BF can't bring his child to my wedding?'
"AITA for telling my sister that her new BF can't bring his child to my wedding?"
I (F33) am getting married soon and the wedding has been planned for the last 2 years. My sister (F36) has just split with her husband and started a new relationship with one of her colleagues (we will call him Brandon), who I have briefly met a couple times before but don't know very well, he's nice enough but my future husband has never met him and like I say I don't really know him myself.
My sister mentioned to Brandon that she is my maid of honor and that I will be getting married in November within the first week of their new relationship. Before my sister and her husband (let's call him Rhys) split they were both invited to the wedding, as they'd been married for 15yrs so Rhys was a big part of the family.
Brandon automatically assumed he was invited to the wedding in Rhys' place, which I didn't like but sort of accepted that she'd want a plus one, and Rhys wouldn't want to come now anyway given the situation, so I let it go.
She then informs me that Brandon has told his daughter Kelly (F10) who he co-parents with his ex that they're both coming to my wedding so Kelly is really excited. I reminded my sister that we are having a "child free" wedding which was communicated to everyone who was invited to attend...
We ourselves don't have children, don't want children, and don't want children at our wedding which all our family and friends have been fine with. I've met Kelly, and she is unfortunately a complete brat, and definitely not a child we would want at our wedding regardless of if we're having a child free wedding or not.
My sister thought our refusal was down to the cost of adding her as a guest when we've already reached maximum numbers, so initially offered to pay for her place. I told her it's not about the money but because firstly I don't like Kelly and secondly Brandon overstepped by assuming his child could come without even trying to talk to myself and my FH first.
I also calmly told her that she knew we were having a child-free wedding and should have told him straight away to avoid this happening. As it's also not fair to our other friends and family members who have arranged childcare for their own children to respect our wishes.
She's now calling me an AH because it's "going to make things difficult" for her when she tells him that he can't bring Kelly as she's excited about going to a wedding. I told her that wasn't my problem as I am not responsible for him trying to muscle in on a family event he wasn't even invited to in the first place.
I've offered to talk to him for her, to keep the peace, but she said I'd just end up being "more of an AH to him" than I am already for telling her that her new boyfriend's child can't come to my wedding.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
FuzzyMom2005 said:
NTA. You didn't have to tell her you don't like Kelly. It's enough that you're having a child free wedding. It's not your problem he made this assumption. It's not your problem your sister didn't automatically correct him.
Let her tell him. If he doesn't want to cone, so be it. If she decides to step down, let her. Do not give in for any "keep the peace" arguments. You will regret it. If you think he'll bring his daughter, make sure there's someone to turn them away from both the ceremony and reception. He may try the "but she'll just eat from my plate" trick.
Organic-Fennel5640 said:
NTA. It’s a child-free wedding. It’s your day and a big one without family being rude. And she is being a d. There’s nothing else to talk about. It’s your day and that’s a stipulation. She overstepped also by assumption. She put herself in the awkward place.
R4eth said:
Nta. Kelly is a brat because I bet you anything, in the wake of the divorce, one or both parents decided to stop saying no to keep her happy and be the "cool parent" rather then be a real parent.
Brandon is proving this by the fact he just assumed he was invited, then, when was talking about it wth his spoiled kid, kid demanded to come with and he couldn't say no because he's forgotten how to stand up to his kid. The point is.
Not your monkey, not your circus. Your wedding, your rules. Period. Tell sis if he shows up with the kid, you will be kicking all three of them out. Zero tolerance. And follow through by hiring security.
MerelyWhelmed1 said:
Of course you're NTA. But your sister and her boyfriend sure are. No kids means no kids. But don't worry. By November your sister may have moved on.
Tressame17 said:
NTA. But don’t be surprised if he brings her anyways. Be prepared to have someone turn them away - or to have all your other guests wonder why they paid for a babysitter.
cdaisycrochet said:
Your wedding, your choice, no explanation required. Child free means child free, your sister knows that, and if Brandon chooses not to come, that's fine, and same goes for her. If your own sister would skip your wedding for a new boyfriend, that speaks volumes about her, not you. NTA.