Bride bans mom from wedding, 'she called my fiancée's hobby disgusting.' AITA?

"AITA for uninviting my mum from my wedding for calling my fiancée's hobby disgusting?"

I (26F) have been seeing my fiancée (26F), we will call Hope, for 7 years. She is on the autistic spectrum and has a special interest in insects, especially spiders. She likes to go outside, collect some insects, bring them home to study or draw or sometimes even embroider before letting them back into the wild.

She makes sure to take care of them to the best of her ability. As someone who is deathly afraid of spiders it took some time to get used to but she has helped me get over the fear (to some extent) and it has been lovely to live with.

This comes to a week ago when I had my parents over for dinner. Hope came to the kitchen to help me with the food while we left my parents in the living room. At some point my mum somehow wandered into our office, where Hope keeps her insects she studies. We heard her shriek and a thud.

We rushed to the sound and we saw my mum standing over a squished spider with a book in her hand. I asked what happened and she said she saw a spider so she killed it. I don't understand how the spider got out of its jar since it has only happened once in the 7 years me and Hope have been together.

My dad stepped in to try and sweep the spider up but hope stopped him and was visibly upset over the spider, borderline in tears over it. My mum was disgusted at the sight of Hope scooping the spider up and asked why she was upset over a stupid spider. I quickly explained Hope's hobby.

My mum yelled that it was a disgusting hobby to have and pushed that it was her special interest and it makes her happiest. My mum just scoffed and said being autistic shouldn't be an excuse for having a disgusting hobby.

I told her to get out and that she was no longer welcome in our house. She started to put up a fight when my dad stepped in, quickly apologized and dragged her out the house.

That night she was very upset about the sequence of events and she asked me if I thought she was disgusting. I comforted her and told her that even though it isn't a common hobby that it wasn't disgusting and even beautiful in its own way.

Our wedding is in a month so I asked her if she still wanted my mum at our wedding and she said she wasn't sure if she would be comfortable with my mum there but she doesn't want me to have a bad or no relationship with my mum so she said she'd live if my mum was there.

I don't want my soon to be wife uncomfortable at my own wedding so in the morning I sent a text to my mum saying she was no longer welcome at the wedding.

I received some awful texts about how I was betraying the family as well as some texts insulting Hope- words that I don't want to repeat on here, honestly these texts solidified my decision but other people in my family have been messaging me calling me an ahole and to just get over myself so I am starting to second guess myself and think I am overreacting slightly. So AITA?

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

Rotten_Tomato520 said:

NTA. You are an amazing partner to your fiancé. Your mother however, she is definitely the AH and how she responded to your message on not allowing her to your wedding, that is what’s disgusting. And enjoying insects and spiders is not disgusting, they are definitely interesting and sometime beautiful. Stay strong and don’t let your mother get to you.

LunaMay196 said:

NTA. Living creatures aren't disgusting, and caring about them isn't disgusting either. I think the lack of empathy and the hate for animals, big or small, is what is disgusting. Your mom should have more respect, towards everyone.

WolfGoddess77 said:

NTA. I'm absolutely terrified of spiders, so I can relate to your discomfort, but I think her bringing home insects, caring for them, then releasing them when she's finished with whatever project she's doing is kind of sweet. She clearly has a very soft heart.

It's not like she's bringing home rotting carcasses or anything. Your mother was out of line, saying all of those things about her. And to be honest, I don't think Hope being autistic has anything to do with her hobby. She just likes insects and arts and crafts, and has found a way to combine the two.

archetyping101 said:

NTA. Your supposed POS car is clearly more reliable than his car which broke down. Your POS car is what he's asking to sit in to go home. So I guess it's not a POS. But since he thinks so, he can find another ride.

It's like insulting someone's food and then calling you selfish for not sharing the food he's complaining about. Enjoy walking or taking transit home, Mike.

NTA - While not for everyone, the study of insects (entomology, which often includes spiders) or just spiders (arachnology) is a perfectly reasonable hobby. Here in Japan most general stores and dollar stores sell equipment for kids and adults to catch and keep various creepy crawlers, though beetles are the most popular.

Dschingis_Khaaaaan said:

Your mother massively overreacted and made some very uncalled for statements about your fiancée and her perfectly reasonable hobby. That could have been excused as momentary discomfort being around spiders like that but her follow up behavior solidifies that she is in fact an AH and not accepting of your fiancée.

Good on you for standing up for her. I wish you both a wonderful wedding and a lifetime of happiness together.

Stunning-Campaign973 said:

NTA. That spider did NOT get out on its own! It was dumped out and subsequently squashed. What is unforgivable is the cruel remarks your mother made about your beloved and her hobby. I am sure that your father apologized BECAUSE HE KNEW

THAT SHE HAD DELIBERATELY DUMPED OUT THE SPIDER AND THEN KILLED IT! Your family members who are lambasting you and insulting Hope are the disgusting ones! I hope that your father is able to attend the wedding.

NTA. Spiders are awesome. You don't need anyone at your wedding who won't support your partner 100%. The only one weird and disgusting is your mom. Good for you defending your partner and I wish you two the best wedding ever!

Sad-Crab-7002 said:

NTA you totally get who the person you are going to marry is. Same on her part as she understood the situation and left it to you. That speaks volumes. Wish nothing but the best for you both.

anonymousreader7300 said:

NTA. What an incredible partner you are to your fiancée. She’s so lucky. Keep doing what you’re doing and you two will be great