Bride bans mom from wedding over 'inappropriate comments' about fiancè's brother. AITA?

"AITA for uninviting my mom to my wedding after inappropriate comments about my fiancè's brother?"

I (25F) am getting married in July of this year to my fiancè (27M) and I couldn't be more excited. However, what's supposed to be a moment of celebration has completely turned into something else entirely.

It all started a month ago when my fiancè and I moved into a new place. We moved a little bit further away from our families, but still close to home. My mom stopped by to see the house for the first time, and my fiancè's little brother (19M) happened to be over at the same time. During her visit she had to use the bathroom.

I told her where it was, but stayed downstairs in the living room. She ended up getting a bit confused and walked into the spare room instead, which is where my fiancè's brother was changing out of his clothes. (He had just gotten done playing basketball outside.)

She came back downstairs a little flustered and embarrassed, apologizing for walking in on him etc. He came downstairs as well, told her it was fine, and we all kind of laughed it off. Fast forward a week ago, the incident long forgotten in my mind, we're at dinner with both of our families and my mom gets drunk and brings it up.

She starts talking about how it was an "unexpected surprise," made comments about how happy he would make his future wife, etc. Him and his parents were very visibly uncomfortable, so I spoke up and told her to stop saying things like that and called her out for being weird. She stopped but it was clear that it made a big impact on everyone.

The night ended shortly after that, so we went home and my fiancè was very visibly upset by the things my mother had said. Rightfully so. We've been together for years and never once had she ever made any jokes like that about his brother. She has always had issues with handling her alcohol, but never to this extent.

I sent an apology text to both his parents and his brother, who were nothing but gracious and kind and told me it wasn't my fault. I also texted my mom and told her she should apologize as well. She sent back a rude text, saying she had nothing to apologize for and everyone was being a bit sensitive.

I decided that night to uninvite her from the wedding. Her lack of accountability is a big concern for me, and so is the lack of respect toward my fiancè's family. The wedding is going to be a safe, loving, and celebratory space. I have enough to worry about, and I don't want my mom being just another thing added to the list.

Now she's upset, and my family is getting involved saying I'm "breaking up the family" and "choosing his family over my own". My mom even said I must not have wanted her there to begin with if I was able to uninvite her over a drunk moment. AITA?

Here's what people had to say about this one:

alicewllsnxo said:

Absolutely NTA. Your mom didn’t just make an awkward drunk comment - she sexualized a 19-year-old family member in front of his relatives, refused to apologize, and is now playing victim.

You’re not “choosing his family over yours” - you’re choosing respect, safety, and accountability. If she can’t offer a genuine apology or understand the line she crossed, she doesn’t need to be part of such an important day.

MyLadyBits said:

NTA. I once inadvertently encountered a friend’s son coming out of the shower room nude. It was a quick step into his room and he had no idea I was walking up the stairs. I turned around we both apologized and this is the first time I’ve ever mentioned it to anyone. Your Mom behaved inappropriately. She should apologize and accept she’s made your in-laws uncomfortable in way that has consequences.

ca77ywumpus said:

NTA. If she got so drunk that she made sexual comments about a 19-year-old at a family dinner, what is she going to be like at the wedding? She "broke up the family" the moment she decided to objectify a teenager.

InterruptingChicken1 said:

NTA. It sounds like you cannot trust her not to get drunk at your wedding and say or do something insulting/embarrassing/inappropriate and ruin your day. Tell any family members who are enabling your mom or excusing her behavior that any other alcoholics who get drunk and say such things are also uninvited to your wedding.

Master-Heart8956 said:

Being drunk is NOT an excuse to behave poorly. I have always referred to it as liquid courage because it makes you think it’s ok to say things that should be left as “thoughts”. When you’ve had enough you lose your filter.

If she knows she gets this way she shouldn’t drink then none of these moments would happen. She decided to drink, she decided to open her mouth about the incident, she needs to suffer the consequences. NTA.

Owenashi said:

NTA. If this is how she gets while drunk at a regular dinner, how's it going to be if she gets that way at the wedding reception. And it's not so much that as that she refuses to apologize for how she acted.