Bride bans sister's in-laws from 'nuclear family only' Thanksgiving, 'holidays are supposed to be inclusive.' AITA?
"AITA for telling my sister that her in-laws can't come to Thanksgiving at my house, where my mom will meet my fiancé's parents for the first time?"
My fiancé (33M) and I (31F) are really close with my immediate family (my sister and my mom). We visit them often across the country, take vacations together, etc. My sister's in-laws are also very present.
We've spent lots of holidays with them, vacationed together as a group, etc. Since my sister had her first kid a year and a half ago, we've seen them all even more often than usual. All the while, my fiancé's parents and mine have yet to actually meet.
They live far away from each other and varying attitudes about 2020 precautions made it impractical for us to coordinate a meeting over the last several years. They were actually supposed to meet last Christmas, but then we actually got sick and had to cancel.
Fast forward to now: we had the idea to invite our parents and siblings (and their partners + kids) to our place (a plane ride away for everyone) for Thanksgiving. We're running out of chances to get everyone together before our wedding next spring, so it seems like as good an opportunity as any.
Today my sister asked me if her in-laws could come, and I told her that since it's the first time our parents are meeting we don't really think it would be appropriate, so no.
I tried to explain it clearly and honestly, but she got angry with me and said "holidays are supposed to be inclusive" and if we're not going to invite her in-laws then maybe she (and her husband and kid) will just stay home and spend the holiday with them instead. AITA for feeling that this particular Thanksgiving plan should be just our nuclear families?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
Even_Enthusiasm7223 said:
I love her argument that holidays are supposed to be inclusive so she's pulling herself away from yours because you can't include people who are not related to you or your husband.
That is the first time you're a parents and your fiance parents are meeting and you don't want other people to interfere with that particular moment. You should just tell her well. I'm sorry you're not going to be there. Enjoy the holidays with your in-law's. Nta.
mocha_lattes_said:
NTA. Tell her you will miss her and her family if they can't make it and you totally understand if she wants to spend this Thanksgiving with her in-laws. Just be overly nice and understanding about it. If she is coming from a good place then she will be sad but understanding. If she is rude then she is just being entitled and you get the upper hand of killing her with kindness so no one can fault you.
IAndaraB said:
Oof. NTA. Does she think that after you get married, all of all of your families are all going to spend every holiday in the same place? Stick to your guns. If she wants to throw a wobbly and not come, that's on her. Shame your fiancee's parents won't meet them, but that's not the point of the arrangement.
Rawrsome_Mommy said:
NTA. As the host you get to decide who’s invited to your house.
jojo_jones said:
Soft YTA. It's aholely/ selfish to gatekeep a holiday for your own desires. Can't your families arrange to meet another time that's not special for everyone? Can your parents fly out a few days earlier or later for bonding time?
It's your house, but it's everyone's holiday and you've requested everyone travel to you. Plus, the travel is significant enough that everyone is flying to you. Being a flight away from home, it's not like your sister can have lunch with you and dinner with her inlaws.
You are making her choose between Thanksgiving with her inlaws or Thanksgiving with your inlaws. She's obviously picked hers, and now her family is split over a holiday that's about togetherness.
ResponsibleSpite1332 said:
I don’t know what judgment to give here. Your reasoning is kind of weird. It feels like you’re gatekeeping your future in-laws for some reason. Whereas your sister was happy to include you in things with her in-laws.
If you don’t have the space for it, I get it. But you shouldn’t be surprised if they decide to stay home for the holidays. NAH I guess? But I kind of think you’re more in the wrong.