Bride bans vegan brother from wedding, 'he thinks my cake is murder.' AITA?
"AITA for banning my brother from my wedding because he’s vegan and thinks my wedding cake is 'murder?'"
So here’s the deal: I (28F) am getting married next month, and I am super excited! I’ve been planning this day for what feels like forever. My fiancé and I have chosen a beautiful venue, dressed up the decorations, and yes, we’ve ordered a stunning, three-tier chocolate cake that is going to be the centerpiece of the reception.
Now, my younger brother (24M) is a radical vegan. He’s always been over-the-top about his dietary choices, which is fine, but recently he’s started condemning anyone who eats animal products. He even goes around preaching about how “sugar is just as bad” and calling traditional recipes “murderous.”
Last week, he called me on the phone and freaked out about the cake, saying it would be a “disgrace” to celebrate a love that “advocates for the oppression of animals.” I was totally taken aback!
After a few days of deliberation, I decided to uninvite him from my wedding. I told him that I wouldn’t tolerate any negativity or judgment on what was supposed to be the happiest day of my life. I just want to eat my cake in peace! My parents are furious and say I’m being unreasonable, but honestly, I feel like he crossed a line. It’s my wedding day! AITA for protecting my celebration from his extremist views?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
zeeelfprince said:
I don’t get what he was expecting. It’s a wedding; there’s going to be a cake, or some kind of dessert, and being both vegan AND sugar-free would be a monstrous expense, plus it would either taste terrible, or be very hard to find a baker who can do it well...
And they can charge whatever they want to at that point, because it’s such a specialized need. Did he offer to pay for a replacement dessert or just complain and go on tangents about your “murderous” cake? Eta, NTA.
Pandoratastic said:
NTA. You can spin this to make it sound like you're the one keeping the peace in the family. Tell your parents that you're trying to do the right thing for your brother.
You realized how thoughtless is was to invite him to an event where he would be subjected to seeing a "murder cake" so you withdrew the invitation out of respect for his beliefs. After all, you would never want to cause friction in the family by putting him in such a position.
llqlee95 said:
NTA. It’s your wedding day, and it’s completely reasonable to want to enjoy it without someone making a scene or turning it into a debate about dietary choices. Your brother’s veganism is his lifestyle, and that’s totally fine, but it’s unfair for him to impose his beliefs on you or anyone else, especially at a personal event like a wedding.
You tried to set boundaries by making it clear you didn’t want negativity around your cake choice, and he still reacted dramatically. Weddings are stressful enough, and if he’s likely to cause a scene or make you feel bad about your decisions, it’s better to protect your peace.
Your parents might feel caught in the middle, but it sounds like you’re just trying to avoid unnecessary drama on your big day. If your brother can’t respect your choices and celebrate with you without bringing negativity, it’s okay to draw that line.
Biggus_Blikkus said:
As a vegan: NTA. While I kinda do understand why it can be hard for him to see many other people enjoy things that are against his ethical beliefs, he has no right to push you to cater YOUR special day to his lifestyle.
I wouldn't want such a preachy prick at my wedding either, and people like him are the exact reason why so many people think all vegans are judgemental, extremist nutjobs. So he's not just being a d towards you, he's actively harming the vegan community as well. Ironic, ironic.
Mapilean said:
NTA. This is called FAFO. He is perfectly free to arrange a vegan wedding when his turn comes, but he has no right to disrespect other people's dietary choices. Usually, when vegans tell me I eat corpses I answer that I prefer that to eating animals alive. Congratulations on your upcoming wedding!
Antique-diva said:
Tell your parents they are furious at the wrong child. They should be furious at your brother, but somewhere in the line they failed in rausing up your brother. He's going to alienate a lot of people if he's going to attack everyone who eats normal food. You're NTA, but your brother and parents are.
New_Pea1637 said:
NTA. You don't have to let him ruin your day just because you share some DNA.
NoCardiologist1461 said:
NTA. Apart from his rant being totally unnecessary and downright annoying, there's a good chance he will sabotage the cake and "have a funeral for it," or do something else to disrupt the day.