So, when a conflicted bridesmaid decided to consult the moral compass of the internet otherwise known as Reddit's 'Am I the As*hole' about her refusal to give her friend a massive discount on a wedding cake, people were quick to help deem a verdict.
I (32F) have a friend “Ashley” (33F) who is getting married the first week of November. We’ve been friends since we were kids, and I’m also a bridesmaid in her wedding.
We’ve been talking about wedding stuff for the past year as I recently married in April, so it’s been fun doing wedding stuff together until Ashley dropped some bad news. The person responsible for the cake for her wedding is moving and is no longer able to do it. She was refunded her money but now out of a cake.
I am a cake decorator myself. I was a teacher, and this is my first year as a school administrator, but I’ve held jobs in high end bakeries and make cakes for fun out of my house. I don’t have a cake business as I don’t want one.
Ashley asked me if I can do her wedding cake. I at first declined as I never do cakes for large events but with the date coming up and her not being able to find anyone, I caved.
Ashley wants a four-tiered cake with four different flavors and 100 cupcakes, 25 of each flavor. The decorations will require me to order specialty molds and I’ll have to hand paint some gold onto the cake, as well. Total cost came out to $825, $100 more than the previous baker.
Ashley was upset and said I was overcharging but I showed her the breakdown (I used the same pricing system as one of the bakeries I worked at and it wasn’t even the most expensive one). I told her I would do it for the other quote if she was strapped for money but Ashley then asked me to do it for only $150.
When I asked why, Ashley said since she’s my friend, she should get a good deal and she could use the money to upgrade the hotel for their honeymoon, to think of it as my ‘wedding gift’ to her. I told her she was getting a good deal as I was willing to go to the price point of the previous baker.
But she mentioned that I did my sister’s cake for free several years ago and do free birthday and anniversary cakes for my [immediate] family all the time. I told her family and friends are not the same.
Plus, I had more time to do my sister’s cake as I had less responsibilities as a teacher back then compared to what I do now. She told me I needed a friend discount, so I said, “The discount is you get 0% off 100% of the time and if you keep bothering me, I’ll even add tax.”
Basically, Ashley didn’t like that response and has told the rest of the bridal party what I said, so I’m getting pressure from 9 additional women to drop the price, though some say to half it instead of dropping it to $150.
My parents paid for my wedding, so their main argument is I don’t need the money nearly as much as Ashley does, which they only know because they saw me using my parents credit card several times when out wedding shopping.
Only her maid of honor (her sister) thinks Ashley is being unreasonable. My husband thinks I should drop out of the wedding and not give her anything, but he also doesn’t like Ashley or her fiancé (he thinks she’s a spoiled brat). AITA?
Edit: I’ve only paid for my dress for her wedding. I’m also doing my own hair and make up myself. But the only money I’ve spent so far for her wedding on my end is for my dress and shoes.
Edit 2: To clarify, baking is a skill. Paying for just ingredients and molds would be maybe $150-$200 but is already factored into the cake cost you buy. What most [home] bakers base their price on is the intricacy of the design, the difficulty, their clientele location, and, most importantly, time. Then cakes are priced with that combined with the serving size.
She has 120 guests. A serving is $4.75/person, so $570. Because 100 doesn’t divide by 12 but is still a large number of cupcakes, I discounted the cupcakes from 3.50 per decorated wedding cupcake to the price of a regular plain cupcake with no decorations, which is $2.50.
So the cupcakes were $250. Total price is $820. I upped it to $825 so the extra $5 could pay for the box to deliver the cake, which I don’t normally have in my house as I don’t typically make cakes that big.
The entitlement from this bride is pretty out of control here, especially since she was willing to pay another bakery the full price.
NTA (Not the As*hole). If they all want you to drop the price they can all throw in 100 bucks. A wedding cake and 100 cupcakes for a wedding isn’t the same as Aunt Betties 58th birthday. That’s pressure times 10.
NTA. And I agree with your husband. You should give Ashley a $700 gift? On top of what you probably already spent? No. Her entitlement is not your problem. Plus, the harassment is unacceptable. And the longer she waits the less chance she's going to get her over-the-top cake and more likely she'll wind up with a sheet cake from Wal-mart.
NTA. If she wants to only spend $150 she can have a $150 cake. Your husband is right. Or how about this all these girls demanding a discount can make it themselves or all pitch in to pay for it.
NTA. Friendship doesn't entitle you to take advantage of someone. That expense isn't gift equivalent in price by a long shot. I'd just tell her you've changed your mind and you're sorry but you no longer have the time. If she and the other bridesmaids give you shit then bow out and have a spa day for yourself on the day off the wedding. Friends don't treat real friends this way.
Everyone agreed unanimously here that this bridesmaid isn't at all wrong to reject this bride's request for a heavily discounted cake. People deserve to be paid for their labor regardless of your personal relationship to them. This bridesmaid should charge her a $25 complaining fee. Good luck, everyone!