Bride betrays mom's wedding wish, 'she started shaming me.' AITA? 'It's trashy.'
"WIBTA if I went against my mom's wish because of her comment about my wedding dress?"
My fiancé and I are planning for our wedding later this year. For background, both of us are Asian so both families are very strict. I have a lot of tattoos. My parents don’t like them and my mom really hates it whenever I wear something that shows my tattoos.
My fiancé’s family has seen the tattoos on my arm but not on my back (about 1/2 of my back). I don’t know how they feel about it but my fiancé doesn’t care and he thinks my tattoos look great (btw, fiancé also has a couple tattoos). Another thing is my fiancé is a doctor, most of his family and friends are doctors.
My mom said lots of older people from both families will be attending and lots of them are doctors so she wants me to wear something more conservative. I bought a long sleeved, high-neck wedding dress that basically covers most of my tattoos because I considered my parents’ feelings.
I like the dress but it’s not really myself so I ordered a custom designed dress to wear for the first look then change to the other one for the reception. This dress is a little more revealing (strapless, sleeveless, corset style) so my back tattoos will be showing.
My fiancé thinks I should just wear this one to the reception because he wants me to wear what I truly want. I told him I don’t know how his family will feel about it but he doesn’t care.
I was pretty much set on wearing the high-neck dress at the reception even though fiancé keeps telling me to wear the other one. But this morning when I told my mom I ordered a 2nd dress, she started shaming me.
She said it’s trashy to show my tattoos in front of everyone, I’d look ugly in that dress because I have a big scar on my chest (It took me a long time to be okay with wearing V neck because of this scar), and how it would be disrespectful to my fiancé and his family. I was heartbroken.
I feel like these are very mean comments, especially about my look on my wedding day. My fiancé is very upset for me. He insists I wear the custom made dress to the reception. He doesn’t care what anyone says. I’m considering wearing that dress too but I don’t know if I would be the AH, especially when it could potentially embarrass my parents in from of everyone.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
heatseekingdinosaurs said:
NTA - wear the dress YOU and your partner want to see you in. Who gives a damn about your mom thinks she had her wedding a long time ago, it's your turn now. The only two people who have an opinion that matters is you and your partner.
m33chm said:
Your parent’s embarrassment is their problem, not yours. Shame on them for being embarrassed over some tattoos. It is YOUR wedding. Wear what makes YOU feel beautiful. NTA.
CrazyOldBag said
NTA. YOUR body. Not your mom’s. YOUR tats. Not your mom’s. YOUR wedding. Not your mom’s. YOUR dress. Not your mom’s. The tats are part of the person your fiancé fell in love with and wants to marry. If he has no issues with it, your mom can clutch her pearls all she pleases.
Tell her if she’s so ashamed of you, you completely understand that she won’t be attending your wedding so she won’t be embarrassed. Tell her you’ll miss her, but you’ll send pictures. Mom needs to get over herself. Have a beautiful wedding (the way YOU want it!) and a wonderful life!
kittendollie13 said:
NTA. Tattoos are very common these days. I don't think anyone would bat an eye. Wear the dress you love. Congratulations on finding a good man who stands up for you!
iheartwords said:
NTA. OP this is your wedding for your marriage. Do what fulfills you and your fiancé’s wishes. Things will only get worse if you bend to your parents’ will. Your parents will have to adapt to you living as a grown woman and a wife.
Sarcastic_Sushi said:
100% NTA. The only opinions that matter about your wedding day are yours and your future husband's. Wear whatever makes you feel pretty and confident. It sounds like your fiancé doesn't care what his family or doctor friends think, and really he's the only one you need to impress.
And your parents don't get to have input unless they are footing the bill for the whole wedding and even then, they are only welcome to give suggestions, but it doesn't mean you have to take them.
Ok_Homework_7621 said:
NTA. Remind your mother it's your wedding and not hers. If her friends and family are so sensitive, maybe it's time to start uninviting them to spare them the shock. You're getting married, it's the perfect time for both of you to start working on some boundaries with your families. Teach them to keep their opinions to themselves unless explicitly asked.