Bride buys 'yo-yo dieter' backup bridesmaid dress in case she can't fit into the one she chose. AITA?
"AITA for buying my bridesmaid a backup dress in case she couldn't fit into the one she chose?"
I'm getting married this year, and asked a close high school friend to be in my wedding party. We've been friends for a long time, see each other almost every other week, and generally get a long super well and have never fought until now.
Since high school, she's always been a yo-yo dieter and will cycle through gaining weight and losing weight. This is something that I have never talked to her about, nor do I have a strong opinion about as it's her body. The most I get involved is that when she brings up trying exercise more, I'll invite her out on hikes with me, walks, etc.
When I asked her to be my bridesmaid, she was ecstatic, and everything was great until she mentioned to me that she bought her bridesmaid dress three sizes smaller than her current size. She said that my wedding was going to be a great motivator to lose weight.
Three sizes was quite aggressive in my opinion, as it would put her in a weight that she hasn't been in since college. I didn't say anything though as I wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt. After a couple of months of seeing no progress though, I quietly bought her the same exact dress in a larger size.
Come this past week, she called me in tears saying that she didn't think that she could fit into her bridesmaid dress and felt horrible for ruining the dress code. The one she picked was now sold out, and she was panicking that she couldn't get another dress in time.
It was at this time that I mentioned I actually bought her the same dress in a different size, and was happy to gift it to her free of charge since she already paid for the first one.
When she heard this, she blew up and accused me of being a bad friend for never believing in her. She said that my doubt was offensive and that I must have been planning for this to happen.
I told her that I just cared about her, and obviously wouldn't have mentioned the dress if she had lost the weight. But she herself brought up that she couldn't fit in her current dress, so I wasn't sure what she's mad about.
She's now threatening to drop out of the wedding party, and some of our mutual friends think I was kind of an AH for not being supportive enough. But I also don't know what they expected me to do either.
Here's what the top commenters had to say:
Artistic_Thought7309 said:
“She's now threatening to drop out of the wedding party” - Well, tell her you’re sorry she feels that way, and that you’re accepting she needs time to process this, that you hope once she does so, she will still want to be in the wedding party but that you’ll understand if she will feel otherwise.
And then go on with your life, with her in or out of it. Just don’t fall for the drama trap with more drama. I think you’ve been a thoughtful and considerate friend. NTA.
JenninMiami said:
NTA you buying the dress just in case she didn’t lose the weight shows how much you support her and want her to be in your wedding. She was ridiculous to buy a dress several sizes smaller…what was she thinking?!
Upper-Title-4033 said:
NTA. Maybe you were. Maybe you didn't trust her. But that instinct was also correct. What did she expect from you? To find a different bridesmaid? Frankly I think she was being a bad friend from how she behaved. Playing fast and loose with your wedding isn't okay.
Blkbirdcdn said:
NTA! My maid of honor did the same thing. Only it was one size smaller and guess what? She couldn't fit into it - so off to fabric land we went to find some fabric close enough to compliment the dress and my seamstress turned her dress into a lace up corset back.
I'm about to be a matron of honor for a friend and I will be buying the size I wear now. If I lose weight great but it's too important of a day to risk letting my friend down over sometime trivial as a dress size.
BriefHorror said:
NTA I just honestly don't know what to say except insecure people can't take even the most mild dent to their self esteem.
Medeya24 said:
NTA. I was a maid of honor and was going to get a dress 1 size smaller. My BFF convinced me to get the current size in case something came up. I lost the weight but on the day of the wedding I tried to unzip the dress only to find out that the zipper was broken.
I was PANICKING. It didn’t even occur to my dumbass to try on the dress before the wedding. Thankfully bc I lost weight I was able to get into the dress without unzipping it, I was so lucky! Trying to lose 3 dress sizes before the wedding is insane.