'AITA for offering two different kinds of cake at our wedding?'
"AITA for offering two different kinds of cake at our wedding?"
My husband, Josh (29F) and I (27F) just had our wedding a couple weeks ago and we mostly got good feedback until today we have heard that a lot of people have been smack talking the cake behind our backs.
Josh and I originally were going to have a smaller wedding at a resort. We were fortunate enough to be given some money to invite extra guests, so we decided to expand the wedding and have some of our second cousins and their kids, and some friends that we otherwise don’t get to see as often.
We are on a budget, so we decided to keep the “fancy” cake (the cutting cake for the pictures, not the real cake) for immediate family and the pastor and a few members of the wedding party that we have known for the longest. We gave them the cake in boxes to take home though so they wouldn’t be eating it in front of everyone else.
(Minus the pastor because he flew out from a ways and he is vegan so he couldn’t eat the dinner and we wanted him to have something to eat before it got too late.)
We got a couple sheet cakes. One was vanilla and buttercream with rosettes and then there was another sheet cake of pineapple chocolate chunk especially for Josh’s side of the family (because they spend a lot of time in Florida).
We found out from talking with family that there was a lot of full slices left behind on people’s plates of the pineapple cake. (Which the servers would not take home with them, so we noticed you can see it in a lot of the pictures.) We were having too much fun to notice at the time, we loved catching up with all our guests!
Apparently Josh’s family did not like the cake like we thought they would and there have been some unkind words behind our backs. We got a text from Josh’s uncle that wasn’t meant for us to see and it really stung. Some of them just walked out of the wedding early.
We are unsure where to go from here and what to say. The cake did not go off like we hope but we think they are being unnecessarily mean.
(By the way, there was a full dinner, three kinds of cheese— even Monterey Jack— available, and an open bar that didn’t close until late. So I feel like we were pretty good to our guests on a shoestring budget!). AITA?
Let's see what readers had to say:
"I am unsure if I should let the pastor know now it may have had dairy." Oh my god YES you should let any vegans know that you contaminated their food. YTA
blushingbride228 OP responded:
Any ideas of how I could word it? I feel awful and I don’t want to say something that will make him feel worse. Should I write it as part of the thank-you card or email him?
swishbaby writes:
NTA, but I'm a bit confused as to what Josh's family "spending a lot of time in Florida" has to do with deciding to have a pineapple chocolate cake. I lived in Florida for almost a decade, and I can tell you with complete confidence that there is zero connotation between Florida and pineapples.
I think you're confusing Florida with Hawaii.... lol. But beyond that, the combo of pineapple and chocolate just sounds yucky, and I think that's likely what people are speculating on. Honestly, I wouldn't sweat it. Everyone will forget about it shortly, I'm sure. What matters is if you enjoyed your wedding.
chroniqqq writes:
YTA you didn’t get a vegan meal for your pastor who flew a long distance to officiate. You openly distributed three cakes which very clearly were of different levels and chose who got what.
You served one side of the family before the other. You assumed that people could trade cake flavors with strangers.
You decided that chocolate-pineapple would be the best flavor for his family because they’ve spent time in Florida (what?!). Honestly I’d say you’re a bad host rather than an ass because you seem to have meant well, but your planning decisions are inhospitable and indefensible.
tumad writes:
NTA, I could never understand why people felt the entitlement to complain about wedding catering.
I'm not sure about the US but my understanding is that guests contribute very little towards the cost of the dinner?
Where I'm from (east-Asian culture), the wedding guests all give red packets to cover the cost of their own dinner + more, which is at least US$150 per person attending. Even then I do not expect to hear any complaints about food.
Where to go from here - just ignore. It's over. no point dwelling or confronting anyone.
fafff writes:
I’m going to be laughing at “even Monterey Jack” for days so thank you for that. ESH - you went about this a very strange way. Usually when there are multiple dessert options at a wedding people get to choose.
You could have had the servers ask people what they wanted, or serve the cake from a buffet table. Granted, you would have run out of vanilla buttercream anyway because chocolate pineapple is such a strange flavor combination. The problem isn’t your flavor choice as much as it is forcing it on half your guests.
Family sucks because they shouldn’t have let their complaining get back to you though. Also, not having a real meal for your pastor was shitty, caterers offer vegan options.