Bride calls off the wedding, refuses to forgive fiancé for 'drunken slip-up' at bachelor party. AITA?
"AITA for not forgiving my fiancé for his 'drunken slip-up' before our wedding?"
I called-off my wedding. My fiancé and I have been together for five years and were supposed to get married in just two weeks. Everything was planned like the venue, the dress, the guests flying in from out of town. I was so excited to start our lives together. Then, his bachelor party happened.
I wasn’t the type to put strict rules on bachelor/bachelorette parties. I trusted him. His best man organized a weekend getaway in Vegas with his close friends. I figured it would be the usual drinking, partying and dumb stories I’d hear about later. Instead, when he came home, he acted...off.
Avoiding eye contact, being extra affectionate, like he was trying to make up for something. My gut told me something was wrong. I asked him if anything happened, and at first, he said no. But after a few days of me pressing him, he finally admitted that he had slept with a stripper at his party.
He claimed he was "blacked out drunk" and "didn't mean to cheat." His exact words were: "It wasn’t intentional. I barely remember it happening. The guys told me she came onto me, and I was too drunk to stop it." I was horrified. He cheated on me, and instead of taking full responsibility, he blamed the alcohol and the situation.
His friends backed him up, saying "It was just a stupid mistake, it meant nothing," and that "a lot of guys mess up at their bachelor party." Even my future MIL told me to consider forgiving him because "it was a one-time thing and doesn't define your relationship." But I can’t just brush this off.
This wasn’t a minor mistake. I feel this was betrayal. If this is how he acts when he’s drunk and surrounded by bad influences, what’s stopping it from happening again? Marriage is supposed to be about trust, and now, I don’t know if I can ever trust him the same way. I told him the wedding was off.
He broke down, begged me to reconsider, and swore it would never happen again. He even offered to go to therapy or do whatever it took to prove he was sorry. But to me, the damage was done. I just want to know if AITAH for not forgiving my fiancé for his "drunken slip-up" before our wedding and decided to move-on?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
Flynn_JM said:
I don't think you just sleep with a s$% worker. I think he or his "friends" paid her for this service. Did you get to look at his phone? Check pictures, videos, venmos? I think I would need more details before I consider any sort of reconciliation. Were you in contact during this weekend? What day did it happen?
whocaresgetstuffed said:
Stick to your guns. You're the one who has to live with your final decision, so make it one with little to no regrets. Not worth your life wondering if you did the right thing by yourself because you were pressured by other people. His friends should have been looking out for him, not letting him get into such a situation. Ridiculously selfish frat boy behavior on all their parts.
Immediate_Key8833 said:
NTA. If you forgive him for this transgression now then I'd be sure it would happen again in the future given he would then know your stance/forgiving nature and could take advantage.
Sure he may never do it again but are you willing to take that chance...can you ever fully trust him again? Sad situation but no, you're definitely NOT the ahole. You aren't the one who cheated on a bachelorette party and then didn't own it properly.
Sea_Firefighter_4598 said:
NTA. The was paid for and planned. Find out by who if you want to. Something isn't right here.
Caspian4136 said:
NTA. He cheated on you, plain and simple. He's doing his best trying to come up with "legit" scenarios where he's somehow the victim though lol. Strippers are paid to do what they do. If they were intimate, it was paid for by his friends and/or himself.
iseeisayibe said:
NTA. Bottom line is he broke your trust. No amount of alcohol can get my husband or me to cheat on each other. You deserve that, too. You don’t want to spend the rest of your life worrying about him going out with his friends.
To play devils advocate, what he described sounds like someone who was too drunk to consent. So does he want to press charges to save your relationship? Because if he was attacked by this woman it isn’t the same as cheating. But he won’t do that because no stripper just is intimate with a random guy at work for free.
EfficientSociety73 said:
NTA. Let me guess, he slipped and it fell in?? I’ve been on the receiving end of the I made a mistake argument. I forgave the ahole and we stayed together. After I FINALLY broke it off, I got an invitation to his wedding that was set for about two months post breakup. You were right to move on. He would likely do the same thing again, and not tell you because he got away with it the first time.