'Daddy's girl' Bride chooses grandparents to walk her down the aisle, 'mom hates it.' AITA?
"AITA for calling my mom out for not being fully honest about the reason she wants her husband to walk me down the aisle at my wedding?"
My wedding is coming up and my mom has been campaigning hard for her husband, my stepdad, to be the person to walk me down the aisle. I already asked my paternal grandparents.
My mom knew I was going to ask them and knew when I had. But she has not given up on the desire for me to ask her husband. The other day she told me that it would make the most sense and she feels like he is the correct and most worthy person to walk me down the aisle.
I called her out on that and said she should be more honest about why she wants him. The reason, I know, is because she knows her husband and my dad hated each other and she believes I should have been loyal to her husband over my dad. She especially believes I should have given all the loyalty I had to my dad to her husband after I lost my dad at the age of 7.
BG: My parents broke up (never married) and my mom got married to her husband when I was 2. My dad and her husband hated each other. I was always aware of the fact. But it became especially bitter for me when I was 6 and my dad was diagnosed with cancer.
I don't remember a lot from that time. But I do remember my mom's husband showing up to see my dad when he was in the hospital and I remember him yelling at my dad. I know prior to that the two were as bad as each other and the animosity was mutual.
When my dad died I didn't automatically start to care more or feel closer to her husband. He did try and I think part of his hatred for my dad was I was such a daddy's girl and never looked at him being in my life as having two. I spent equal time with both my parents when dad was alive.
I never got closer to my mom's husband. He was my mom's husband and my half siblings dad but even though I don't remember a time where I didn't know him, I never saw him as my dad.
He always hated my dad too. I heard him grumble about him over the years. Even saw him spit near a photo of my dad once. Eventually he gave up trying and decided I wasn't worth his time, which I felt was better for everyone.
But my mom hates it. She hates that he's just her husband and I haven't embraced him as my dad. One time she said it can be so hurtful to lose to a dead man and be rejected in favor of a dead man.
I asked what she meant by that and she told me I never picked her husband over my dad and I never let him feel like he won against him in one thing. I told her he had; he was still alive while my dad was gone.
I think my mom still wants that win for her husband, especially when his hatred for my dad still burns strong. I believe my paternal grandparents are the right people to walk me. I have been close to them my entire life.
My mom is mad that I called her out and tried to make her be honest. She said she was not lying and I was being rude. AITA?
Here's what the top commenters had to say about this one:
theitguy1968 said:
NTA. What a wonderful thing to do by asking your paternal Grandfather to walk you down the aisle. Why would you want a man you have never seen as a father and who hated your Dad to do it. You have made the right choice.
Icy_Hovercraft_6379 said:
NTA. Your stepfather sounds like an AH. Spits near a photo of your dad? Real classy.
GreekAmericanDom said:
NTA. "Mom, quit it. I love you. I don't love your husband. It is time for you to accept that and be okay with it. Why? Because if you keep on pushing this bullshit, you will only manage to push me further away. He and I are fine with this status quo. It is time for you to be too."
Impossible_Ask_3564 said:
NTA, that's so childish and actually really insensitive to the fact that her own child lost their father so young.
Ok-Profession-9372 said:
NTA. Your mother and step-father are completely unhinged. You were never close to him as a father figure.
And he still hates your dad all these years later. I'd love to know why but it's not relevant for the decision. You've made the decision to have your paternal grandparents walk you down the aisle, which is lovely and honors your dad.
Your mother is trying to force someone on you who hated your father and wasn't a parental figure to you so he can get a "win" at your father's expense. Mother-of-the-year right there.
Tell your mother it's not up for negotiation and you understand if she'd prefer not to come to the wedding. And hope she takes you up on it.
Echoededge said:
NTA. It's your wedding...You can choose whoever you want to walk you down the aisle, even if your dad was still alive, your not obligated to have a specific person do it. Your mom is being very pushy, I'm not sure why she thinks her husband is entitled to your respect, when he clearly hasn't earned it.