Bride plans to confront coworker for wearing white to her wedding, 'and bringing no gift.' AITA?
"WIBTA if I confronted my coworker for wearing white to my wedding and then bringing no gift too?"
I (29f) just had my wedding this past weekend. It was so much fun, but I couldn't help but notice that my co-worker (27f) that I invited was wearing a floor length white dress at the wedding.
I didn't say anything, but I was very taken aback. Especially since I had vocally told her the dress code after she asked me and it was on our wedding website. My maid of honor also commented on this to me, but I just let it go because I didn't want it to put a damper on my big day.
Now a couple days have passed and we've been going through our gifts and all the cards we received, compiling a list so I can get the thank you notes all in order. I noticed that she also didn't give us anything.
Now I fully understand not everyone is in the best place to give a gift, but I still think giving at least a card saying "congratulations" that cost maybe a dollar would be an appropriate thing to do. It has nothing to do with being materialistic but just the principle of the matter.
I'm a little baffled and put off by the whole thing. Especially since I would consider her a friend at work and we have known each other for over a year and a half. It is why I wanted her to be there on our special day. Would I be an ahole if I confronted her about this or should I just let it go? I don't want to come off as crass.
EDIT:
Thank you for all the insight on how my response to this situation would influence the outcome. It has been very enlightening. I'm definitely going to distance myself from her and keep our relationship strictly professional from now on. One thing I want to add.
Since a lot of people were mentioning her financial situation while I'm normally not privy to people's financial stuff. She is one of the few exceptions. She's been vocal in the past about how much her husband makes and how she chooses to work, but doesn't have to and things like that, so I don't think it's a financial hardship.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
Having-hope3594 said:
YWBTA. The wedding's already done. If anything, she made herself look bad with what she chose to wear. And it does seem petty that you’re going to confront her for not giving a gift or card.
Because she’s made a couple wrong choices, she could make some other irrational choices at work towards you. Would only likely cause her to be defensive and create strife. You don’t want to be working somewhere if someone’s giving you cold shoulder or seeing themselves as a victim. Just back off the friendship.
QT314FTW said:
YWBTA if you bring up either. And it is considered acceptable etiquette to send a gift within the first year after the wedding.
Outrageous-Victory18 said:
YWBTA. What’s the point of confronting her? She can’t turn back time and un-wear the dress. And she may have a reason for not giving a gift. Even if she doesn’t, it would be incredibly rude to bring it up considering gifts may be customary but they’re not mandatory.
KBD_in_PDX said:
YWBTA - ask yourself, what is the point of bringing this up? What is the ideal outcome you're looking for? Are you going to go up to her and say, "why didn't you get me a card for my wedding? Where is my gift?"
That IS materialistic and it's also immature. If you had an issue with the dress she wore...that should've been addressed then and there, if it was going to be discussed at all.
ncslazar7 said:
YTA. If you confront a coworker (friend or not, it will create issues in the workplace). Just move on for your own sake, she's clearly an inconsiderate and tacky individual. If you want revenge, maybe you'll be invited to her wedding one day, and you can wear white, though that's a long shot as your "friendship" is likely going to end the second you are no longer coworkers.
MyCatSpellsBetter said:
Be content in the knowledge that she only made herself look really bad at the wedding, not you. You have to let the gift thing go, too; gifts are not obligatory. Yes, a card would have been nice; on top of the fact that she's clueless on etiquette, she might not have the funds for a gift. YWBTA. Congratulations on your marriage!