"AITA for only inviting family members that I’m close to to my wedding?"
I recently got engaged, and now that we’re planning the wedding, we’re putting together the guest list. My fiancée and I went over the family and friends we’d each like to invite.
I have a big family with a lot of aunts, uncles, and cousins, but I’m not super close to most of them, so I’ve decided not to invite a large chunk of extended family and only focus on close family and friends.
The ones I’m closest to are my brother and sister, who are both older than me and each have kids. My sister has three, and my brother has one. They’re all adults now and I'm really close to my sisters kids so because of this, I’m inviting my sister’s kids, but not my brother’s daughter.
I’m not close to her, and honestly, she’s never shown much interest in our side of the family. When my dad was seriously ill a few years back, she didn’t visit or even check in and didn't even attend the funeral when he passed.
Over the years we tried making an effort with her and it wasn't reciprocated. She doesn't even see or talk to my brother on Christmas or his or her birthdays etc.
I also feel like she tends to make things about herself and needs to be the centre of attention at all times and I don’t want that kind of energy at my wedding. We haven't spoken in over three years.
I explained this to my mum when she noticed my niece wasn’t on the list, but she suggested I reconsider so my brother wouldn’t feel hurt seeing his siblings’ kids there but not his own.
I told her it’s my wedding, and I didn’t want her there—it’s my choice. My fiancée also wondered if it might be better to include her just to avoid drama, but I stood firm.
My brother understands, but his ex (my niece’s mum) reached out asking why I was excluding her. I told her it’s my decision, she doesn’t have a say, and I’m not discussing it further, then blocked her.
My niece messaged too, saying she was hurt not to be invited, but I explained I don’t want her there, and that’s not going to change. She said I was being cruel, but I told her again she’s not invited and to please drop it. AITA for only inviting close family to my wedding?
yarone7 writes:
Weddings are tricky, because while it's supposed to be your day, there really is a lot of etiquette that revolves around other people.
I think YTA for how you went about this because generally wedding etiquette means if you invite some of your sibling's children, you should invite all of your sibling's children.
If you really aren't close to this person, there's a good chance they may not have attended even if you sent an invite. Instead, you chose to exclude them which is something multiple people noticed, and when confronted you spoke really negatively about said person and blocked someone over it.
Now it's going to be a thing for sure, and you shouldn't be surprised if members of your family feel a certain type of way about your choice and how you handled it.
lamagrio writes:
NTA. That girl isn't even close to her father and doesn't even talk to the family either, but now she's throwing a tantrum because you didn't invite her to your wedding???? She definitely wants to be the center of attention and the wedding hasn't even started. Don't let that brat anywhere near your wedding.
condrat writes:
NTA, because it is your and your partners wedding. But, it will create problems (more or less) in the future. Especially, if the not invited relatives would not get an explanation about it from you/ your partner.
Worse would be to just ignore them completely, so that they get the information about the upcoming/ hold wedding through an other family member.
I was at such a position 2 times - and both times sucked very much. It was less hurtful when a child of one of the siblings had their wedding (because i also did not invite every uncle/ aunt to my own wedding). But as a niece/ nephew or sibling - and to know that all the others were invited - that creates much damage.
alergison writes:
YTA for how you've handled it with your niece. There are tactful ways to go about things, and from how you've put it, you handled it in the least tactful way.