'Is the Bride TA for cutting ties with the Aunt who trashed her at her own wedding reception?'
"Is the Bride TA for cutting ties with the aunt who trashed her at her own wedding reception?"
The Bride (32F) had a small wedding in the mountains which included only immediate family and close friends, 20 people total. Three weeks after that ceremony she had a larger hometown reception. Both events occurred in October.
Mother of the Bride invited her brother and his wife (aka Aunt) to the mountain wedding in January. The answer was a strong “no, we are not coming.” There were no hard feelings at this response. It was understood because it is a very long trip for them, 2000 miles from their beach home to the Rocky Mountains.
Fast forward to May. Aunt (72) sends text message to the bride and asks if she can come to the mountain wedding. Bride responds that all the plans for the meals, outings and lodging were already made to include the people that confirmed in January.
She then suggested that the Aunt join for the hometown reception (in the Midwest) since she will know several people in attendance as it is the Aunt’s hometown too. Aunt replies “Sure”. Bride replies “So glad you will be there to celebrate with us!” Aunt likes the comment.
Two hours later, Bride gets notification that Aunt “removed the like” from the comment. Side note - Aunt has a long history of bullying, passive aggressive comments and false accusations made about niece, the Bride, which have largely been ignored by Bride to keep the family peace. So Bride was prepared for what came next.
Friday evening before the hometown reception the couple hosted a “welcome night” event. When Aunt arrived she walked up to the Bride and said “you are so pale, are you sick?” No Hello or Congratulations, just an insult.
Aunt proceeds to tell several close friends of the Bride that her feelings were deeply hurt because she was not invited to the mountain wedding or that she was told she was not allowed to attend.
Neither statement was true. She was among the first to be invited to the mountains. She was never told she was not allowed to attend, the Bride merely pointed out that the plans were already finalized.
The next day at the hometown reception, Aunt loudly repeated her false claims to the Mother of the Bride’s closest friend. She then suggested to some guests that they should leave the reception and go with her somewhere else for drinks.
When no one responded to her she sat at the table and watched television on her phone during the reception. Finally, she got up and walked out without saying goodbye to anyone, including the other relatives sitting at her table.
Fortunately, most people the Aunt encountered already knew her tendency for attention seeking behavior so no one was really that surprised by it but they did inform the Bride.
The next day the furious Bride sent Aunt a text that she no longer wanted a relationship with her. Aunt then took to Facebook, blocked the Bride’s family and continued to bash the Bride and the rest of the family.
Aunt posted a screenshot of the text, complained about the money she spent to attend the reception, calling the Bride a Drama Queen (while Aunt is the one airing this on Facebook) and calling Bride a coward on a keyboard for sending the text message (again, Aunt is the only one putting this on Facebook). She conveniently forgot to mention her own actions that sparked the Bride’s text.
Aunt has always fancied herself as the epitome of class and sophistication. Isn’t it considered rude to decline an invitation and change your mind 5 months later and expect to be accommodated?
How could the Aunt’s behavior be interpreted as anything but an attempt to criticize and humiliate the Bride? It gave the feeling that she attended with the sole intention of trying to ruin the couple’s special day. Is the Bride the AH for going no contact with the Aunt?
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
NTA. That aunt clearly thrives on drama and disrespect. Cutting ties is self-care, not mean-spirited.
WHY would the Bride be TA for cutting off a “bullying, passive aggressive,” lying individual who has gotten away with said behavior bc everyone else chose to keep the peace for so long (thereby enabling said bully)? Seriously.
To answer your questions, it is not rude to decline an invite, but it is rude to demand an invite that the invitee declined already. The Aunt’s behavior could be seen as attempting to criticize and humiliate the Bride as well as attention seeking. The Bride is NTA for finally choosing peace than appeasement.
The aunt is an absolute nut case , but this could've stopped a long time ago. When she made the accusations in front of the bride's guests, the bride should have reached out for her hand patted it gently and said "auntie, dear, that's not quite how things happened, you seem to be having some trouble with your memory are you sure you're all right??" Then she could have explained what actually happened.
It would have accomplished 2 things. It would have cut her aunt off entirely without making the bride look like she was being rude or vindictive (as the aunt likes to say) and it would have royally pissed the aunt off that she made her look like a doddering old woman with memory issues.
Historical-Plum-6910 (OP)
Excellent point, it should have been stopped long ago. Sometimes keeping the peace is not worth the price.
Please tell me that family members set the record straight!!
Historical-Plum-6910 (OP)
Fortunately most of the people that were told the Aunt's story already knew what had happened. No one knows how many people she cornered at the reception.
NTA A narcissist will always make everything about them. And a thrive on destroying events that are not about them.
The Aunt is a nut. She declined and then changed her mind. Asked if she still come. All ok. But to not accept the brides answer and act like that is horrible.