Bride denies MOH a plus-one to wedding, causes a 'huge rift in friendship;' AITA?
Between the cost and time spent planning a bachelorette, bridal shower, and group chat, being a maid of honor can be a lot of pressure...
What happens, though, when you can't even have a date on the dance floor after your speech? So, when conflicted maid of honor decided to consult the moral compass of the internet otherwise known as Reddit's 'Am I the As*hole' about a plus-one dilemma, the petty people of the internet were ready to weigh in.
AITA (Am I the As*hole) for asking my friend if I could invite a date to her wedding in which I was the maid of honor?
My friend and I (met in college) had been best friends for a few years, and she asked me to be a maid of honor in her wedding. She had two MOHs, one of whom was a childhood best friend so I was 'second.'
This didn't bother me because I was just honored and excited to be part of her big day.
I fulfilled all of the MOH duties, planned an engagement party, planned an awesome bachelorette weekend, and helped her with various wedding planning activities.
She had a huge bridal party, and everyone was allowed to bring dates, so a couple months before the wedding I asked her if it was okay if I invited this guy I was dating.
He was great, and she had never met him because she moved a few months before. We had talked about him a lot and she told me she was excited to meet him.
After I asked her she freaked out on me, told me I was a terrible friend for even thinking I would be allowed to invite a date, my attention needed to be fully around her the whole weekend.
'Why would I expect her to want to meet this guy I am dating on her wedding weekend?' 'This was so last minute and there wouldn't be enough food'. It was over two months in advance and the wedding was buffet style.
I was annoyed because the other MOH was bringing a date, but decided not to fight her on it because ultimately it was her wedding and it wasn't worth it to me. I apologized and accepted I would be the only dateless one in the 24 person wedding party.
This caused a HUGE rift in our friendship for the next few months till the wedding. She basically ignored me and every time I would reach out and try to talk about it, she would totally shut down and say how horrible I was and that our friendship will be changed forever.
When the wedding came around I was ready to be the best support and help she could ask for. Whenever I would try to do anything she would tell me she didn't need my help, her mom was going to help her so I should just go enjoy myself and have fun. This also really annoyed me, but I once again let it slide because it was her wedding.
Almost a year after the wedding with no talking she reached back out to me and said she misses us being friends and she is willing to forgive me for WHAT I DID. I asked her what I did and she said she doesn't want to talk about it because it was so upsetting to her...AITA?
Here's what the jury of internet strangers had to say:
StrikingDebate2 said:
NTA. Your 'friend' completely over reacted here. No friend stops talking to you as soon as you ask to bring someone to a wedding. Sounds like you could use a better friend.
itsmellbitch said:
NTA. Your “friend” sounds absolutely nuts. She seems unhinged and over dramatic, and if that’s something you want in your life then go ahead and be friends again but honestly it sounds like she’s an attention- seeking narcissist.
BingandBong123 said:
NTA. Your friend sounds like a stereotypical bridezilla, and the 'I'm willing to forgive you for something that was clearly my fault' message suggests she's a crappy person all round. You're better off without that friendship.
njclay21 said:
NTA, never hurts to ask and bridezillas are the worst. I’m sure she has a lot going on but seems like she still treated you harshly.
poodle_kitten said:
NTA. I’m sorry this crazy bridezilla got into your head and made you consider for even a moment that you might be the AH.
It was fine for you to ask to bring a date. She was already the AH in telling you that you couldn’t because you needed to be focused on her. You then went above and beyond by catering to her wishes at the wedding and she became a massive AH.
She didn’t talk to you for a year because you asked to bring a date to her wedding.
She behaved horribly toward you and sounds like an awful bully. You’re lucky to no longer be “friends” with her, and I’d say don’t even bother wasting your breath trying to explain any of it to her - just ignore and move on.
MagicalMonarchOfMo said:
NTA. Being able to bring a +1 to a wedding is almost universally standard, especially if you're in the wedding party, and especially if the other MOH got to bring one.
Very strange on your (ex?)friend's part. Woulda been one thing if you'd insisted on bringing a date anyways, but sounds like you were extremely polite.
Apotelesama said:
NTA. Your friend sounds like a psychotic bridezilla honestly. You just asked a simple question and when you were told no, you accepted it yet she kept going because gasp how dare someone not look at her every single second on her wedding day!