'Bride didn’t invite me and my friend (we are both bridesmaids) to bachelorette party. Am I overreacting?' UPDATED
"Bride didn’t invite me and my friend (we are both bridesmaids) to bachelorette party. Am I overreacting?"
So my best friend, A, (or who I thought was my best friend) is getting married in a little over a month. My other friend, B, noticed a few weeks ago that A had a bridal shower and B and I were not invited.
The bridal shower photos were posted on Facebook and that’s where she saw them. B lives very close to A so there was no reason for her not to get an invite. So I texted A about the bridal shower and she said it was a last minute thing that her mom threw for her.
So I was like, okay that makes sense and I forgot about it. But this weekend A went on a bachelorette party without telling me and B. B and I saw the photos on Facebook again. And now we are both feeling slighted and left out and hurt by this. I texted A and asked her why we were left out.
For more context, B and I are both bridesmaids for this wedding and we also haven’t heard any other details about the wedding itself even though the wedding is a month away.
I also gave A a pretty generous wedding gift. Additionally, out of 4 total bridesmaids (me, B, and two other girls), the two other girls attended the bridal shower and 1 of those two girls was at the bachelorette party, no one else. Add to that the fact that I had already bought the bridesmaids dress and a flight to get to the wedding.
And on top of that, the bachelorette party was planned. They went to a separate state and the outfits looked planned too. She posted on her story “Bach day 1” and “Bach day 2”. It wasn’t a dinner that turned into a night out unplanned. Am I overreacting? Is it normal to leave out the bridesmaids from the bachelorette party?
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
Bridesmaids didn't get invited to the bridal shower or bachelorette party??? Huh??? That doesn't even make sense, why doesn't she just have these other broads be bridesmaids instead then?? That's ridiculous, sorry OP.
Capable-Wolverine-32 (OP)
Thanks for the response. She has 4 bridesmaids and only 2 of them were invited to the bridal shower and one of those girls went on the bachelorette party.
Friend B here! I might add that the bride-to-be along with OP and I are in a group chat. The reason we believe we are bridesmaids (besides her asking us) is that she checked in on us the other day to make sure we bought our dresses and shoes ahead of the wedding. Otherwise, I would assume we aren’t anymore? It’s confusing honestly.
You are not overreacting. "I texted A and asked her why we were left out." Did she respond? This seems weird. Not getting an invite to a last min shower is one thing but the bachelorette party is a pretty big omission. Don't be surprised if the answer you get is unsatisfying and if the friendship dies after the wedding.
Capable-Wolverine-32 (OP)
She has not responded yet. I’ll update the post when she does.
The next day, the OP returned to provide more information and screenshots.
A has responded to my texts and her reasoning was that she thought it would be too expensive for me to go and she didn’t want to drag B in it because B is pregnant.
What do you guys think? Does this make sense and is this a valid reason to be left out of the bridal shower or the bachelorette party? We also still don’t know any other details about the wedding. I don’t know if I should accept the reasoning she has given and still participate in the wedding.
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
I feel like her response is so nonchalant with the bridal shower. She never apologized for not inviting you or gave an explanation, she just made an excuse. As far as the bachelorette party, her excuse is total BS. You and bridesmaid B are both adults capable of making your own decisions, who does she think she is just making those decisions for you guys without even talking to you about it?
At the very least she could've been like "hey, here are the details for the bachelorette party, but you guys have already done so much that I would completely understand if you can't make it and I want you to do whatever is best for you". Excluding you once sucks. Excluding you twice is intentional.
Capable-Wolverine-32 (OP)
Yeah. It doesn’t makes sense. She didn’t even tell us about both events. We found out through facebook. And also after I texted her, she deleted her photos from the bridal shower.
i kind of get her reasoning behind B, being around a bunch of your drunk friends while youre pregnant and cant drink might not be very fun, but regardless she should have let you both know to give you the option to come or not.
Three months later, the OP returned with a final update.
Everyone on my previous posts said that B and I shouldn’t go to the wedding. But both of us did end up going and I have some updates. Some more important details for this story: Bride had 4 total bridesmaids including me and B. Here are the bridesmaids: Me, B, Carley (fake name), Susan (fake name).
Carley and Susan both went to the bachelorette party with bride and B and I didn’t even know about the Bach party. But when we got to the wedding, we found out that Carley’s sister (who is not a bridesmaid) also went to the Bach party.
So I was a little hurt again by that even though I tried to put all of this behind me for the wedding. Because how was Carley’s sister invited but me and B weren’t even told about it? Literally made no sense.
So then apparently there was some drama at the Bach party. B and I found out when we were at the wedding rehearsal that Susan is no longer part of the wedding party.
Apparently Susan got in a fight with Carley’s sister at the Bach party. And she was also outraged with the bride because bride wasn’t agreeing to cover hair and makeup expenses for the wedding.
Also Susan didn’t pay her share of the Bach party either. So basically she ghosted the bride and they stopped talking before the wedding. Which made me even more confused and angry at the bride because how are you gonna invite this witch to your Bach party but not your good friends?
I don’t agree with bride and what she did to me and b by excuding us. But I’m glad I showed up for her for her wedding day because if B and I also dropped out of the wedding, she would have only had 1 bridesmaid.
Nothing was awkward at the wedding and we just interacted like everything was normal and didn’t even talk about the Bach party. But I am still confused why b and I weren’t invited.
It just makes no sense and I think I will forever be confused. At this point, I just have to believe that the trip was planned spontaneously and they randomly went as a group and it wasn’t really a real Bach party.
I think I got even with the bride though. During the day of the wedding a guy that was doing hair and makeup for everyone in her family and was taking too long. The bride wanted to have a first look with the bridesmaids but we didn’t end up doing that because I waited to get my hair and makeup done by the guy.
Carley ended up doing her own hair and makeup and even though I had brought my own makeup, I waited for the guy to get mine done. So because of me, all the bridesmaids (me, B, and Carley) were late to do the first look and we couldn’t do it anymore. So I’ll say that we are even now.
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
You’re kind of a doormat. You gave her an expensive gift and still showed up for her after she treated you quite badly.
You seem like a people pleaser, and the bride seems to have been pleased by you and B showing up to the wedding despite being shunned from the pre-wedding events, so win-win.
This isn't the flex you think it is. Frankly, it's just sad how much of a doormat you and your friend B are. Grow a spine and maybe get better friends.
You shouldn’t have gone to the wedding. The bride doesn’t value you. She basically called you broke and excluded you. You rewarded her behavior by attending the wedding.
I have no idea why you showed up. Who cares if she would have had one bridesmaid? That would tell her something about how she treats her friends. And your “revenge” wasn’t revenge at all. Just bad timing.