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Bride doesn't invite parents to wedding, 'they seemed largely disinterested in me.' AITA?

Bride doesn't invite parents to wedding, 'they seemed largely disinterested in me.' AITA?


"AITA for not tellling my mom about my wedding?"

I (22F) got married to Matt (22M) last weekend. We met in university, same course, and we’ve been inseparable ever since. He’s my best friend and the best partner one could ask for. We both live with my parents or rather they live with us since my dad got an opportunity for work in our city and they have not been able to rent somewhere yet.

Matt’s family are quite well off so bought him a big 3 bed flat in our city when he started university which I moved into when we got serious and now my parents moved into the spare room which we used as a workout space. When I was a kid, my parents seemed largely disinterested in me.

Over time, I stopped telling them about my life hoping they’d become invested as I grew up but it never really happened and our relationship was what it was. I guess I’ve carried that sentiment into adulthood too - they don’t know anything more than my job title and that I’m in a serious relationship.

They’ve never once offered to take us to dinner or try get to know Matt which I don’t expect them too but it would be nice. When it came to the wedding weekend, we invited our friends and my older siblings (I have 2 older sisters) and Matt’s family.

I’m very close to them, basically a daughter they never had. I get invited to their family trips all the time and I’m in their groupchat. It was only an intimate wedding, Matt’s parents hosted the ceremony and we all went out after for dinner and drinks to celebrate. Both of us didn’t want anything too extravagant and were more than happy with this.

We had dinner at the restaurant we dined at for our 1 year anniversary. We told my parents that the flat was theirs for the weekend because we were going out to eat and celebrate with friends and staying in a hotel. I did not mention our wedding at all. I wanted them to ask more if they wanted to but they didn’t.

Come today, I put up a framed photo of everyone in our wedding attire on the wall in the living room along with some other photos. My parents saw, asked and flipped and told me I should have said something. I wasn’t in the mood and told them they never asked.

My mum told me I should have said something and they would have come, but I just repeated myself and walked away. I’m now getting texts from my older sisters that Mum is really upset she missed out watching me get married and I should apologize. Am I really an ahole for this?

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

JacqueOffAllTrades said:

NTA…It’s your wedding and you can invite who you want. But this is super weird. You live with them and left for the weekend and never mentioned it. Then you put up a picture so they would know they had been excluded. This would be super strange behavior from a random roommate. Toward your parents? I can’t imagine…

This relationship is not healthy. I understand why your folks are upset. But in the long view, it’s obviously their fault. They haven’t been there for you. Nevertheless, the dynamic here is unhealthy. You’re young still, and it sounds like you have every right to feel hurt.

I suggest you encourage your folks to live elsewhere as soon as it’s feasible. Then, I suggest you get therapy if you can afford it. It sounds like there’s a lot wrapped up in this and it won’t all be sorted out on Reddit. All the best to you, and congrats on your marriage, regardless of the conflict it might have generated.

fakegermanchild said:

YTA. But not for the reason you think. YTA to yourself for letting them live with you despite the fact that their lack of interest is clearly hurting you, deeply, every day.

rheasilva said:

Kinda ESH because...your parents live with you & you didn't bother to mention anything? Your siblings didn't ask why your parents weren't there? You all sound weird.

cobaltaureus said:

YTA for this incident specifically. This whole situation is so strange, either you wanted them there or you didn’t. You wanted them to know or you didn’t. You can’t expect them to ask if you’re getting married that weekend. The other stuff is on your parents for sure, but you chose to act this way about your wedding.

youjumpIjumpJac said:

NTA your parents have never cared about you and that hurts a child deeply. You can’t be expected to get over that and you can’t be expected to pursue them for attention. The odds are that your mother isn’t even upset because she missed your wedding.

It may be because she missed seeing other people at your wedding or because she’s embarrassed that people now know that she is a terrible mother… just remind her that you reap what you sow. You can explain that you have people who actually care about you in your life now, so no need to invite her.

I understand why you’re letting them live with you but it’s not good for your mental health. They need to leave ASAP. They also don’t get to live with you and then complain about you to your sisters. You’ve taken better care of them than they deserve. It’s time for them to live with one of their kids that they actually cared about. If I were you, I would go NC because they will never give you what you want or need from them and will just continue to hurt you.

ItsEasilyEntertained said:

I mean, YTA, this sounds kind of petty. They live with you, so your relationship can't be that bad, i feel like your expectations of them to do stuff like take you out for dinner or on vacations might be skewed from the fact that your new in-laws are more wealthy and can do that stuff.

When you get older you realize people aren't perfect and sometimes if you want a relationship with someone you need to work on it too. Have you ever offered to take them out to dinner?

The opinions were definitely divided for this one, but most people agreed that all sides were at fault in some way. What's your advice for this situation?

Sources: Reddit
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