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Bride doesn't want to invite all of groom's 'rowdy' family members; AITA?

Bride doesn't want to invite all of groom's 'rowdy' family members; AITA?


Building a wedding guest list can be such a stressful task for couples that it's tempting to just ditch the entire plan and elope in Vegas...

So, when a conflicted bride decided to consult the moral compass of the internet otherwise known as Reddit's 'Am I the As*hole' about her wedding guest list, people were eager to help deem a verdict.

AITA (Am I the As%hole) for not wanting all of my fiancés large family at my wedding?

My fiancé and I got engaged a month ago. For the most part he is not all that interested in wedding planning. However, there is one major part of our wedding that is causing lots of issues between us, and that is deciding how large of a wedding we should have.

I've always imagined a medium sized wedding of maybe 60 guests. The idea of planning and paying for a wedding with 100+ sounds exhausting and wouldn't create the wedding I've always dreamed of.

The problem, however, is that my fiancé has a very large family that are all fairly close. He has 6 full siblings, 3 older half-siblings, 4 younger half-siblings, 3 stepsiblings plus 2 former stepsiblings he's close to.

He has 14 nieces/nephews and 6 great-nieces/nephews. His dad is one of 9 so he has lots of cousins (1st, 2nd, 3rd). He has 3 living grandparents (+4 step grandparents) and 3 living great-grandparents.

This isn't a family that only see each other at weddings, funerals and the occasional reunion, they are actually in each other’s lives and have a close bond.

The family he wants to invite is already way over 60 and that's before we even consider some of their spouses.

My family is a lot smaller. I have my parents plus my unmarried younger sister. My dad has one sister who is married with one daughter and my mom has a brother and a sister and they each have 2 children.

I have one living grandparent and am not close with my more extended family so will not be inviting them to my wedding.

My fiancé and I also have a large group of friends and our non-negotiable friend invites come to 27.

I've suggested to my fiancé that he should pick 30-40 family members he wants in attendance so that his family isn't so heavily represented compared to mine. He will still have double the family I do if he does manage to narrow it down.

I also suggested doing a seperate party at his dad's house in his hometown before or after the wedding where he could invite any of the family he wants, and they wouldn't have to travel far.

However, my fiancé thinks I'm being an as&hole because I don't want 70+ of his rowdy family members at my wedding.

One of my friends also agrees with him and thinks a larger wedding will be fun and that my fiancé won't enjoy the day as much if he feels there's people missing.

My future FIL has also been pressuring me about a larger wedding and has offered to pay to facilitate this. I don't think I'm being an a@shole about this and neither do my parents, they agree that the groom’s family shouldn't so heavily outweigh mine. AITA?

Here's what the jury of internet strangers had to say about this mess...

LetsGetsThisPartyOn said:

YTA. Sorry but it’s his “family.' They are a close knit family that see each other a lot. His father has agreed to pay. His family is part of his package. You will be having them all at every other function! It’s his wedding too. Not just yours!

theas$holethrowawa said:

YTA: mainly because you repeatedly called it your wedding as if your fiance isn't also getting married that day as well. The only way I would agree with you is the cost but his family said they will pay.

So you have no real reason on not wanting them to come outside of you don't want your husband having more support than you.

Walktothebrook said:

YTA. You are not just marrying fiancé but his family as well. Welcome to marriage and that magic word called compromise. Take FIL up on the money offer.

TheOneAndOnly75 said:

When you marry someone, you marry their family too. I am sounds like they are close. You can't really cut them out. YTA.

Background-Permit499 said:

Also it’s clear why you dont want much of his family there. You gave it away with your judgemental tone: “rowdy.' Y are most definitely TA.

shammy_dammy said:

YTA. They're a package deal. This is part of marrying someone who has a very large and active family, and this is just the beginning. (yes, speaking from experience).

LythysNZ said:

ESH. It's his family and also his wedding. You don't pick and choose important people as a lottery.

BUT It's also his wedding. He can't expect to order you to organise and cater for his needs on top of yours when he's the one with the higher standard. He wants a big wedding? Then he needs to pick up the load.

So, there you have it...

Everyone agreed here that when you marry a person, you should expect to marry their family too. Good luck to everyone involved a candle for no runaway brides or 'speak now' moments.

Sources: Reddit
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