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Bride excludes father's partner from wedding, 'I was concerned he was dating someone my age.' AITA?

Bride excludes father's partner from wedding, 'I was concerned he was dating someone my age.' AITA?

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"AITA for not inviting my dad's partner to my wedding?"

I (F25) had a close relationship with my dad (M55) until he started dating Taylor (30). When they started dating, I was living at my dad’s house and had just graduated college in 2020. I was shocked. The age gap surprised me, plus they met bc he was their boss. It was serious and he was planning for Taylor to move in and he gave them a permanent (nonseasonal) position at his company.

I was concerned that he was dating someone my age, and also continuing a professional power dynamic and having them move in so quickly. I voiced my concern to my dad and asked him if Taylor had a good relationship with their dad, and he said their dad abandoned them in childhood. I worried, but tried to be friendly when Taylor moved in.

I guess I failed to hide my awkwardness bc right away Taylor started avoiding me and asked my dad if we could talk. I agreed: I wanted to make it work. Taylor said I was being unfriendly by wearing AirPods in common areas and not asking enough questions to get to know them. I apologized and said I felt awkward and unsure how to navigate the new living situation. After, I made a huge effort to be outgoing even though I’m an in introvert.

Days later, my dad asked me if I was willing to talk to Taylor bc Taylor was upset again. Taylor came into my room and told me they didn’t like how I spoke to my dad bc I sounded ungrateful and “that’s not how children should speak to their parents.” This was bc I had cried bc I asked my dad to go grocery shopping with me and when I was ready to go he told me he and Taylor had gone without me. I admit it was childish, but explained I had a lot of other things going on and I was lonely bc I wasn’t allowed to socialize (my dad and Taylor took quarantine very seriously) and my dad had been my only company outside of work.

Time went on and Taylor had more and more reasons I needed to apologize. I moved out bc I was miserable. I went to therapy with my dad, sent some letters back and forth to Taylor, and conflict lasted years until I finally stopped engaging. 1 year in, Taylor told my dad that they weren’t ok with me going to his house (my childhood home) to visit him, even when Taylor wasn’t home. My dad was devastated but agreed.

When our family therapists told my dad he needed to stick up for himself he always just said: “I think we can work everything out.” But all he did was repeatedly ask me (on behalf of Taylor) to apologize. I had apologized already for a lot and it couldn’t go on like that. He even agreed and said it was a pattern in their relationship that he always had to apologize and couldn’t share his side. But they are still together and I am still banned from the house.

I live on the other side of the country now. I met my fiance and invited my dad to the wedding. He asked if I was inviting Taylor. I said even if Taylor was willing to come, my wedding wasn’t the place to suddenly decide to speak to me again! In the end my dad wasn’t upset but I felt bad. AITA?

EDIT:

Taylor identifies as non binary.

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

Longjumping-Lab-1916 said:

NTA. I understand why you wouldn't want her there. It's your wedding and you decide on the guest list.

after7hours said:

NTA. Honestly who tf does Taylor think she is? Honestly, both you and your dad gotta start having a backbone and establish some boundaries with her.

Accomplished_Two1611 said:

NTA. Your dad needs to find a backbone and Taylor should address their daddy issues through therapy.

Inevitable-Place9950 said:

NTA! Rarely do I think it’s a good idea to exclude a life partner, but when that person has blamed you for so many things and then banned you from your family home, it’s entirely appropriate to exclude them.

chippy-alley said:

NTA and stand your ground. If it makes your dad face the facts of his situation, so be it. It's not your place to be the bufferzone between his choices and the consequences of them. As the wedding gets closer, its likely the attempted manipulation will increase. Screenshot/Broken record technique works well. Repeat the same answer, adding in a count if you like. "This is the 23rd time I've said this. The invite is just for you. That won't be changing."

TarzanKitty said:

NTA. She has been nothing but awful to you. She doesn’t belong at your wedding.

Everyone was on OP's for this one. What's your advice for this wedding drama?

Sources: Reddit
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