Bride is FREAKED OUT when SIL demands they wear the same wedding dress; 'First we marry TWIN brothers and NOW THIS?!?!' AITA? UPDATED

When this bride to be is upset with her SIL, she asks the internet:

"AITA for refusing to wear my SIL's wedding dress to my wedding?"

I (23F) am getting married to my fiance (24M) in a month. He has an identical twin brother with whom he's keeping a bit of a distance with cause of his past possessive behavior of wanting to share everything with each other, from interests, hobbies and even friends.

His brother eloped with his wife (27F) and even suggested to my fiance to do the same on the same day as him, but of course he shut that down quickly as we both agreed on having a wedding already.

However, I ended up being contacted by my fiance's brother requesting me to wear his wife's wedding dress from their elopement to my wedding, which I obviously turned down, telling him that I've already got a specific wedding dress on my mind.

He dropped the subject and for 2 weeks I didn't hear about it again, so I thought that was the end of it. But yesterday, my fiance's brother and his wife showed up at our house (uninvited may I add), got out SIL's wedding dress and then literally asked me to try it on right there and that they'd make adjustments if the size didn't fit.

Thank God my husband stepped in and kicked them both out of our house, even tho it did turn into a really big argument between my fiance and his brother. I got contacted again later on by my BIL who said that my inability to make any compromises in order for his and his brother's wedding experiences to be intertwined is straining their relationship.

Honestly at this point I'm just getting the creeps from BIL and my gut is telling me that he and my SIL may attempt to sabotage our wedding out of revenge and even my husband's agrees with the sentiment.

We're now strongly considering to uninvite both my BIL and SIL from our wedding, but my husband's still a bit reluctant to do it yet cause of the inevitable drama it'll cause with his family. AITA?

Before we give you OP's update, let's take a look at some top responses:

daghas writes:

NTA. This is incredibly bizarre behavior and there must be a mental health issue involved. The BIL needs therapy. Your fiancé needs to talk to his brother and if he can’t get through you may want to go NC.

thaliagorgon

NTA! This is super creepy! Like BIL needs to learn to be his own person and let your fiancé be his own person too! Set these boundaries now and set them firmly! If you decide to invite them to the wedding I’d get a couple of friends you trust to watch them and prevent any insanity.

My friend invited her dad to her wedding, he was not on good terms with much of the family and had caused drama in the past, and had me and my two brothers stick by him all night and keep him out of trouble, luckily there wasn’t any but I strongly suspect this is because he knew were were babysitting him.

Allaboutbird

NTA. This is bizarre behavior and if you don't nip it in the bud you're going to wake up at 2am to your BIL standing over your bed trying to cut and style your hair exactly like his wife's. These people are unhinged - keep your distance.

Low_Cook_5235

NTA, he definitely sounds like he has a bit of a screw loose. Part of me even thinks it’s some weird sexual thing.

Serious-Currency108

NTA. Your fiancé and BIL are not 5 anymore where they have to wear matching outfits and share toys. This is you and your fiance's wedding, not your BIL and SIL. They had their day. You have yours the way you both want without your BIL inserting himself. BTW.. what is your MIL stance on all this?

OP responded here:

According to my fiance, their mom always found it adorable how his brother wanted to share and do everything together with him when they were children and I don't think that stance from her has changed. Especially cause my fiance is sure she'll completely object to him uninviting his brother from his wedding if it gets there.

gbstermite

Make sure you have very good security on the day and DO NOT LET THEM IN. No one that obsessed is going to change no matter what they claim. They will pretend then strike. Do not advertise that they will not be invited until the last possible minute.

Update:

Ok, so a lot has happened in these past 2 days. So to summarize: Me and my fiance decided to uninvite BIL and SIL from our wedding.

Neither me or my fiance trust them not to cause a scene at the wedding and my fiance already had a very strained relationship with his twin brother, including recent conflicts that include his brother trying to convince him to cancel our wedding and instead have us elope on the same day as him and his wife and my fiance not having his twin the best man at his wedding.

We told the fiance's parents about this incident and it was a mixed bag. On one hand they'd agreed with us that my fiance's brother went too far with this whole twin thing this time.

But, they also begged my fiance not to disinvite his twin brother from his wedding as it would irreversibly destroy their relationship and that they could talk to him to tone down his behavior.

However my fiance told them that he was tired of always having to keep the peace and that inviting his brother to our wedding would only cause him unnecessary stress while not fixing any of their actual issues.

So he's gonna keep his distance from him from now on. He also told his parents that we're gonna hire security at our wedding and to not try to help BIL and SIL sneak in otherwise they'd also have to escort them as well. My fiance's mom literally threw a tantrum over this decision and outright blamed me for trying to break up their twin relationship.

Thankfully my fiance stood up for me and told her that his brother is the only one responsible for breaking up any relationship and that if she keeps talking to me like that she'll be free to join him and his wife on the blacklist of the security guard from our wedding.

Surprisingly my fiance's dad actually took our side and scolded his mom as well and both of them managed to get her to apologize to me and accept my fiance's decision (however it's safe to say I'm not her favorite person anymore).

Today I received a new message from my future BIL and ... it wasn't pretty. Idk if I can even share everything here, but he sent me a long text message where he called me, among other things, a worthless sl*t and that he'll pray each day that my future children with his brother will be miscarried. I showed my fiance his text and he was absolutely enraged.

He immediately called his brother and that convo ... it wasn't pretty either, but this time it was from my fiance's side. He called his brother names, curses and threatened to call the police on him if he ever dares to contact him or me in any way, shape of form, all while I could clearly hear his brother sobbing on the phone.

Both of us ended up blocking him on all social medias (not before taking screenshots of the message to have proof for the police in case it gets there) and now my fiance is planning to change our locks and even install cameras (we never gave his brother a key, but my fiance doesn't want to risk it regardless).

We also blocked SIL after she made some comments on my social medias where she also called me a sl*t whose only purpose in life is to break up families. We talk with my fiance's parents about these comments and while his father said he'll try to convince BIL to get into therapy.

He finally seems to recognize his behavior as unhinged. His mother said that she thinks it was just a drunken comment from him and that he's just hurt and confused over his brother's decision to remove him from his life.

Frankly I could tell that she was subtly trying to pin this on me too, but I don't think she had the courage to do it openly in front of her son and husband. So to wrap this up, we're still gonna have our wedding.

But now, we're gonna have to spend even more money for extra security (both for the wedding and our home) and it only took for over half of my fiance's close family to start hating my guts.

Readers continue to weigh in on OP's update:

Aloe-Painter175

Babe, I wouldn't even worry about the wedding at this point, this man sounds like he'd be willing to attack you in the middle of the street for "getting in the way" of his relationship with his brother, you might want to consider moving to another city without telling anyone where (especially your fiance's parents).

IllustriousComplex6

The mother's final comments really confirms why the brother is the way he is.

MRandomRedditAccount

Oh this is exactly what I was thinking.

Mom probably played up the “twin” thing too much growing up and that’s definitely where the brother got it from.

sampathsris

Yeah it's cute but parents with twins need to understand that it's two people who would probably have differing wants and desires. As long as they both want it, fine. But if one wants something different then you've got to teach the other one to respect their sibling's boundaries. I blame the parents for this whole situation.

matchamagpie

There is something wierdly incestual and codependent going on from the brother's side. Thank god OOP's fiance is actually backing her up. The fact that SIL is on her husband's side is wild though. Why the hell would she be alright with her soon to be SIL wearing her wedding dress???

Glittering_Win_9677

And there's no follow-up about what happened at the wedding???? Nooooooooooo!!! Even if it was just to say it all went well without anything happening with the brother and SIL, I NEED to know! What about Thanksgiving and Christmas?? Dang, I need details!