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Bride freaks when her best friend confesses his love to her right before the wedding. AITA? UPDATED

Bride freaks when her best friend confesses his love to her right before the wedding. AITA? UPDATED

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When this bride to be is freaked by her best friend's confession, she asks the internet:

"I am freaked out. My best guy friend just told me he’s in love with me… two days before my wedding. AITA? + UPDATE."

I’ve been with my fiancé for three years, engaged for a little over a year. My best friend and I have known each other since freshman year of college (we are all in our early 30s). This morning, I woke up to a long ass text from my guy best friend that he had sent around 6am.

Basically, it was him pouring his heart out. He said he’s been in love with me for years, but always hoped I’d end up breaking up with my fiancé and finally noticing him. He asked me to call off the wedding and run away with him (??). It said, “I needed to tell you before it was too late.”

I just feel gross. And sad. I have no feelings for him beyond platonic love. I’ve drafted a response and deleted it, over and over.

I haven’t even told my fiancé. I don’t want him to have to worry about me so soon to our wedding. I know I need to, but I don’t know what to do or how to phrase it. What’s worse is that he’s become my fiancé’s friend, too. I’m also pretty pissed that my friend chose such an unfortunate time to cause me such distress.

There were so many times over the years he could’ve just bucked up and told me how he felt. But waiting until right before I’m married? Like I would just cancel my wedding and leave my fiancé because of a goddamn TEXT?

I want to tell him to not come to the wedding. I can’t trust that he wouldn’t try to pull something. I don’t even know if I want to talk to him again, but the thought of losing my best friend is heartbreaking. Hell, the thought of not having him at my wedding is really painful.

He’s put me in an uncomfortable, impossible situation. I wish it wasn’t on me to deal with his feelings for him. I wish he had either stopped being friends with me when he realized us ending up together would never happen, or had told me a while ago.

I don’t want to kick him while he’s down, but I need to make it clear that I have no feelings, the wedding is still on, and I don’t want him to attend. We have been friends for over a decade. I’ve been crying over this all day. I feel almost disgusted, knowing that this whole time he had ulterior motives.

How do I even go about dealing with this? I’m supposed to get married in under 48 hours…Edit: I’ll be showing the text to my fiancé after he gets home from his brother’s. I won’t send anything until he’s here with me.

Before we give you OP's udpate, let's take a look at some of the top responses:

fare55 writes:

It's always been shit like this that makes me constantly suspicious of any woman who says she has a male best friend that's not gay, because inevitably either one or the other harbors romantic -and often unrequited- feelings.

I'm sure there are very rare exceptions out there, but in my lengthy experience, such has always been the case.

There are orbiters, and then there's someone like this guy. He needs to fuck off, and both you and your fiance need to make that very clear to him. He's had all the time in the world to speak to his feelings, and that's not a very good friendship anyway if he's been hiding this from you.

Best friend, my ass. It's your wedding and you can invite or disinvite whoever you want, period. I wish you and your fiance all the love in the world nonetheless.

every54$ writes:

I had this same thing happen to me, with one slight variation. I was in love with the guy years ago and he rejected me. I dusted myself off, remained friends with him, and over the next 3 years, we became closer and closer.

But I was able to move past my feelings for him and accept that he didn’t feel the same way. It was a purely platonic relationship after that with zero flirting from either party.

Then I met my husband. Started dating. 13 months later, we are engaged. Six months later, we are getting married.

And this guy decides to tell me 12 days before the wedding that he was hoping the relationship would end so he could make his move and that it was a mistake to reject me 5 years ago. That he realizes now that he loves me.

I was enraged because - what, I’m only attractive to you because someone else wants me? When I was single as the day is long, you were adamant about not wanting me and now I’m GETTING MARRIED. I don’t have those feelings for you anymore, bro. I’m in love with my fiancé.

But - I simply said, “Okay. Can you still be my friend after I get married, or will that be too hard for you? If it’s too hard, I understand, and this is where we part ways.”

He said he’d rather have me as a friend than nothing at all and we are still friends today. My husband knows about all of this and has even shown him extreme kindness by going out of his way to do favors for him.

One of the reasons I married him is because he’s so amazing. But anyway. Everything is back to being platonic between my friend and I and it’s been fine. I’ve been married for 3 years.

You can give him the option of remaining in your life as JUST a friend, or show him the door. But he doesn’t get to do this to you before your wedding and have the audacity to think you’ll call it off for him. You don’t have to even speak to him until you feel like it, whenever or if that ever comes. You can be done.

My friend did not attend my wedding, but that was fine. He’s been cool ever since.

sunflowers65 writes:

I would consider his invite (obviously) rescinded. Perhaps look into getting security at the wedding too to prevent your friend from crashing and ruining it. He’s clearly desperate for your attention and may do something stupid.

It sounds like your friend is quite delusional. This isn’t a Hollywood RomCom movie, this is real life. He can’t just do this, because you are a real couple with memories, likely a lease or bills together, who love each other very much.

The fact that he’s so self-centered to assume he could step in and make your life you’ve been building with your fiancé no longer matter with a long text message is offensive.

Your friend clearly does not respect your relationship with your fiancé if he just figured it would not work out.

Not only is waiting until 48 hours before your wedding disrespectful and inconsiderate, but the suggestion that you should give up your life and reputation and leave someone you love at the alter (after paying for a wedding and planning it for a year) is pretty insulting.

I don’t think this “friend” needs to be in your life anymore. He seems selfish and frankly a little idiotic to think that this would work. I’m sorry that you are losing your friend, but do you want a friend in your life who knowingly tried to sabotage your wedding and break you and your soon-to-be husband up?

How would you feel if your female best friend sent that text to your husband? Would you still want to be friends with her? I doubt it.

Also: I know it’s bad timing, but you do need to sit down for a few minutes with your fiancé, hand him your phone, and show him. You cannot keep this from him.

If he finds out later on, he will be upset that you kept it from him. You can’t start a marriage while withholding the truth. He needs to know right away and how uncomfortable it made you.

curiousturka6 writes:

So this actually happened to me: I had a guy friend who was literally in love with me all through high school into our 20s. We had talked about dating but our timelines never aligned. I met my ex husband and it was a wrap.

We agreed to be just friends, as we always were, and my husband at the time was aware of this conversation.

Fast forward 8 months into my marriage and this dude tells me the day my grandma died that he was in love with me, wanted to be there for me, offered to fly me back to my family and pay for my divorce. I was happily married at the time… like what?

I sat on it for a few days and told him I’d think about it. Why? I wanted to examine if there was anything I’d done to make him think he could f-g ask me to leave my marriage as if it were no big deal. Did I lead him on?

Did I say or act differently than I had for 10+ years? I told my husband and he laughed, said “I know you aren’t leaving me,” kissed my forehead, and told me he trusted me to say the right thing.

I’ll copy and paste (I wrote it in a note first to show my ex so that’s why I still have it), edit as you need to. I added some stuff from your perspective too- throw out whatever lol this was fun to read through again:

Firstly, thank you for being honest with me. I’m sure that was hard to type, it would’ve been hard for me. Or maybe it was easy for you to finally speak your truth, either way I appreciate you being vulnerable.

Now to the hard part- my answer is no. We’ve been friends for years, over a decade, and you choose NOW to do this? We’ve talked about this, revisited multiple times, you said you understood.

You said you were happy for me, that I found someone who loved me the way I needed. You talked me through when I needed another male perspective. You’ve hung out with him. You know him. You’re friends.

Why now? All this time and you waited this long? It’s not for me to narrate your experiences, I won’t invalidate the way you feel, but what I can do is raise concerns and instill boundaries.

I love my husband, I do not love you. I chose him because he’s honest and kind. In all our years of friendship, at no point did you stop and think, “I love her. I know I do. Maybe if I tell her there’s a chance?”

You didn’t, or maybe you did and you knew the answer would be no. You didn’t trust me enough to be honest about your feelings. You don’t respect me enough to be upfront and instead are attempting to back me into a corner by telling me days, hours before my wedding.

What did you hope for, that I’d cave and confess back? I deserve more than a text declaring love. Love doesn’t do this, it doesn’t coerce or run from tough situations. Love is a catalyst, it makes us want to be better, to run into the fire of the unknown and come out better.

If I were to leave my husband now what do you think I’d be to you? Had you thought about what the future may be like? Any disregard I show for my marriage now would turn into regret and resentment toward you - we would not end well. I took vows.

I’m committed. I love and I like the guy, more than anyone could know. I’m sorry, but this is the end of our friendship. I deserve more than this, and I know that that looks like because he already promised me forever.

I’ve loved you like a brother for years, and I’m sorry that we never got to see what our potential is like. It sounds like you’re still mourning that, I am not. I encourage you to heal and move past me, and maybe that space you create for yourself will allow you to find your person.

When that day comes I’ll be happy for you from a distance. I wish you all the best, you deserve that and more, and so do I. Be blessed.

soggyath writes:

I'm 2 hours late, and everyone has already said what I wanted to innitially touch on, 'show your fiance the texts' and 'mute him after letting him know your true feelings as he has done to you'.

But now I need to say that nobody has mentioned that for a guy who seemingly has so much love for you that he just couldn't contain himself and just had to tell you before his head exploded into a million pieces of the possibilities he seemingly missed out on...

(even though you are 100% correct in saying he has had time to say something and used this one all important moment in your life to make it about him and to mar it with hurtful memories of his deciet), he sure af does not give a crap about your feelings or respect you...

your boundaries, the people you love, and the relationship you have with him enough to swallow the bullet he took when he decided his feelings or 'love' for you weren't stronger than his fear of rejection. He'd rather take the chance of ruining someone else's life because he was too selfish to see the friendship for what it was.

And his mother never taught him that "if she would leave him for you, she'll leave you for another him".

And now, OP's major update:

My husband (I love being able to say that now) and I got back from our honeymoon yesterday! I turned on my phone and opened the Reddit app and it was still signed into this account, so I had an “oh yeah” moment and figured I’d post an update.

So a lot of people here really helped validate the icky mess of feelings I was having. Thank you for that. Posting here really helped put my thoughts into words.

So that night my fiancé got home from his brother’s. I let him sit down and then I showed him the text. He read it and I watched his eyes get bigger and expression angrier.

Of course, I started apologizing like an idiot and he told me I didn’t owe him an apology for anything. We talked and he told me he figured the guy had a crush, but kept it respectful.

And really, he had. We were close, but beyond a side hug during greetings and goodbyes, there was no physicality. I even let him read out past messages just to see that there was no emotional affair or me leading him on.

I never even vented about my fiancé when we would have arguments because I knew better than to do that. I’d talk to my mom, lol.

So my fiancé asked me what I wanted to do. And I said that while it did sadden me, I didn’t want him at our wedding. I was afraid that he would try some nonsense.

We typed up a very brief message. It said: “[Friend], I’m sorry that you mistook my friendship for something more. The wedding is going to happen, and it’d be best if you didn’t attend. To be clear, I let [fiancé] read this message and he stands by my decision to uninvite you.”

We wanted to make it clear that it was me who wanted him to not come, not just my fiancé. Knowing him, he’d probably claim that fiancé forced me to uninvite him.

He read the message and left it on read for a while. I honestly started getting pretty anxious over it and fiancé asked if I wanted to block him. Part of me wanted to, and part of me wanted to hear him out.

And when he finally responded, the text was so long that I had to click on it to read it. It was horrible. He called me a liar for leading him on for over a decade, that he hoped my fiancé left me and that we were infertile. It was just horrible thing after horrible thing and I started crying.

Fiancé took my phone into the other room while I sobbed. I think he called him, but I’m not sure. What I do know is after about an hour he came back in, handed me my phone back and told me that friend was now blocked on everything, would not be attending, and the best man and my maid of honor knew of the situation and would handle it for me.

It was like a weight lifted off of my shoulders, honestly. After reading that message, I really wasn’t so sad that friend wouldn’t be attending anymore.

And our wedding f-g ROCKED. We had the time of our lives, surrounded by people who loved us and we loved them. It still feels like a dream, to be honest. And if friend tried to show up, I never heard anything of it.

I guess that’s the update! It’s not nearly as dramatic and crazy as what people hoped for, I feel like, but I’m happy.

What do YOU make of OP's story? Any advice for her?

Sources: Reddit
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