'AITA for telling my father I don't want him to talk me down the aisle?'
"AITA for telling my father I don't want him to talk me down the aisle?"
I'm 28F getting married in 2 months. My relationship with my father 56M has always been complicated. My parents divorced when I was ten and my father wasn't around much after that. He started a new family and I felt like I was no longer a priority. My mom raised me pretty much on her own.
As my wedding day approaches. My father has expressed how excited he is to walk me down the aisle. This is where things get complicated. My mom has been my constant support and I’ve always envisioned her walking me down the aisle. She was there for every important moment in my life while my dad was mostly absent.
I had a heart to heart with my father and told him how I felt. I explained that I wanted my mom to walk me down the aisle because she’s the one who’s always been there for me. My father was heartbroken and accused me of punishing him for the past. He said he thought we had moved past everything.
My siblings and some family members think I’m being too harsh and that I should let him have this moment. They believe it’s a chance for us to mend our relationship but I can’t shake off the feeling that my mom deserves this more than anyone. Now I’m torn. I don’t want to hurt my father but I also want to honor the person who’s been my unwavering support.
Later, OP edited the post to include:
He never really apologized for anything. he just started showing up. He visits I let him in. He says something I respond and that's it. For some that assumed my mom the reason I hate him(I don't). She never told me anything bad about him. I used to call/text him and no response.
I drove 4 hours to try and have a heart to heart conversation with him when I was 19. And he told me and I quote "I don't know what's wrong with you but I'm sure therapy can help and I can pay for it" on my way back home he texted me one word "Sorry". And I never heard of him again until he showed up at my door when I turned 22.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
My ex messed with my kids heads. I'm probably going to be in your dad's shoes someday. My ex caused all the problems with my relationships with my kids. So does your dad have a therapist? Your mom? I have a feeling your mom doesn't and never has. She probably caused tons of problems.
I assure you she never told me anything bad about him. He did this part himself when I used to call or text him and no response. When I drove 4 hours to try and have a heart to heart conversation with him when I was 19.
And he told me and I quote "I don't know what's wrong with you but I'm sure therapy can help and I can pay for it" and on my way back home he texted me one word "Sorry". And I never heard of him again until he showed up at my door when I turned 22.
Wild_Black_Hat said:
You are not punishing your father, but rather rewarding your mother. Why wouldn't she get to have her moment? NTA.
Vandreeson said:
NTA. Your wedding isn't a therapy session for your dad. It's not the place to heal relationships. This is supposed to be the happiest and most important day of your life. Whoever walks you down the aisle should be someone that's been there for you and supported you. Your mom's been there for you through thick and thin, your dad hasn't.
GodofBoody said:
NTA. your wedding your choice? Lol besides he wasn't there for you as a parent so why should he get the HONOR of walking you down?
Odd_Connection_7167 said:
NTA. Your wedding, your decision. And this happens to be the right decision. Mom deserves this moment much more than he does.
StellaStew said:
NTA. Your wedding is about honoring the person who has been your primary support. It’s your day, and it’s important to follow your heart and recognize your mom's unwavering presence in your life.
dncrmom said:
NTA you are over the past because you have invited him to your wedding. He doesn’t get to pretend the past never happened.