Bride has her heart set on a wedding venue, fiancé gives it to his brother, 'I'm the crazy one.' AITA?
"AITA for being mad that my fiancé gave his brother the wedding venue I loved?"
Backstory - I was engaged 11 months before this situation and looking for the right venue. On a trip I fell in love with a venue, and said to my fiance out loud that we should look at it.
My brother-in-law heard me say this, then pulled my fiancé aside and said that his girlfriend wanted to get married there and if we could get married there after them (I found out about this convo weeks later). Keep in mind they weren't engaged yet, but supposedly the girlfriend wanted to get married there since she was 12.
So then when I emailed the venue my fiance told me about the convo and said if I really want to...but it was said in such a way that it really wasn't an option. I think of my life with my fiance as separate then his family. We are our own unit with little overlap of friends.
In addition, after that comment it wasn't really if I could use the venue or not, it's that I could have it after them. So I then had to wait for their wedding and another year in between at least because the family lives abroad and cant make big trips like this twice a year bc time and money.
How am I supposed to know that venue wasn't allowed? My heart was set on it, but now my fiance thinks I'm the crazy one to think they took it from me because they had "dibs" on it since she was 12 and wasn't engaged.
In addition, my fiance didn't defend me to his brother during a conversation about it (which I'm finding out about now). Instead of saying "hey she loved it and imagined her wedding there and you asked a brother favor from me."
So you can see why my fiance would be mad that she didn't get her wedding there and you should understand that" and instead said "I don't agree with my fiance and she's crazy to be mad that I promised you that you could get married there first."
Now I'm mad that my fiance doesn't defend me and called me crazy, or see my side of the story, and to me it seems like he chose his brother's happiness over mine. Then my fiance is mad at me for making a big deal out of this when he said it was their venue first. AITA?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
Lopsided_Tomatillo27 said:
NTA You’re engaged to a child. If he picks his brother’s hypothetical future wedding over you, understand that he will always put you last.
CandylandCanada said:
NTA. BIL and his non-fiancée are both whackadoodle. Their request is so far from reasonable that it couldn't be found even if you had GPS. No idea what fiancé is thinking. You have a lot of uncomfortable facts to ponder before you can decide how to proceed.
Sunnyandbright007 said:
NTA. Make him your ex. Apparently, he puts everyone over you.
agathafletcher said:
NTA but you'd be foolish to marry him. He has shown you where you land on his list of priorities.
CForbesssss said:
NTA, they’re not even engaged they have no right to claim a venue above you who is engaged and actively looking for venues.
noonecaresat805 said:
NTA. But if you marry him this will be the rest of your life. You will always be the dramatic and crazy one. And his family will always be right. His family will always have dibs on everything even if it wasn’t communicated to you. This will apply to everything even if you have kids. You still have time and know if this is really how you want to live the rest of your life.