Bride ices out father and 'spoiled' sister, 'she wants to walk down the aisle WITH ME.' AITA? UPDATED

"I’m refusing to talk to my father and spoiled sister who wants to walk down the aisle with me in white..."

Growing up my sister (29f) and I never seemed to get along. It was always a competition with her and she found a way to have it her way all the time because I was a push over and my parents were always busy so they just assumed I didn’t mind.

Once a boy she liked asked me out and because I knew she liked him I turned him down and even offered to introduce him to my sister. I understood that she would be a little upset but instead she goes around our school and family friends talking about how I threw myself on the guy she likes and what a whore I was.

When I graduated high school, I got into a pretty good college on a half scholarship. I posted about it on my Instagram and even got treated to a fancy dinner by my cousins. All this while she was still living with us and attended a community college after my parents persistence.

When she found out about the posts and dinner she went crying to my dad who has always favored her and took her side and threatened to not pay for my college for flexing and being ungrateful.

There would also be times where he’d buy her whatever she wanted for her birthday like a new phone or diamond jewelry but if my mom or relatives bought me anything for my birthday he’d make a face and mumble to himself about how much money I waste. For my 16th birthday my mom bought me a diamond necklace with my name on it.

My sister acted like she dropped it when I was away and damaged it by messing up the lock. We tried returning it and getting it fixed after but they quoted my mom a very high amount to get it repaired.

My dad somehow forced my mom to just exchange the necklace into money for “family reasons” which was really just to throw my sister a bigger 17th birthday party while he didn’t even throw any party for my 16th birthday. His reason? “You need to focus on your exams."

Many years later I moved out, took out a student loan and got a job. My (28f) fiancé (29m) are getting married in May and I love him a lot. I recently arranged a girls trip to Vegas for my bachelorette party with all my girls.

When I told my parents about this plan, my dad insisted I let my sister come with me too because a marriage in the family is a family event. My sister already booked tickets without even asking me if she could join us which I found extremely annoying because I felt like I had my hand forced into allowing her to come.

After talking to my fiance about it I decided I would let her come on our trip also because she’s been spamming my phone practically begging me. On that trip we were also going to go pick up my wedding dress and dresses for the bridesmaids. During the shopping she was acting very rude and constantly commenting on the body shapes of other bridesmaids and making comments about how certain types of dresses would not look nice on them.

She also picked the most cleavage showing dresses that I was not very comfortable with on my wedding. A few days after shopping I find out from the store manager that we had two white dresses to be tailored. I was confused and asked her what she meant and she told me that one dress was the one I picked and the other was a short lace mini white dress.

I called up my maid of honor (my best friend) and she tells me that she saw my sister check out white dresses at the store. I called her up and asked if it was hers and my dad joined the call and said it was only fair if she also walked down the aisle in white because she was getting older and is still single and may not have the experience of doing it in her 20s and as a good sister...

...it is only fair for me to want to do it with her as it shows our close sisterly bond. I told my bridesmaids and fiancé about this, and they were all shocked at my father’s behavior. My mom has been pretty quiet about this whole situation but was also upset with my dad.

I informed some of my cousins and they all tried to talk to my dad about how that’s a bad idea and he said that he won’t let us do it at our decided venue (we’re doing it at our family vacation home in another state to keep costs low) if we don’t let her.

I never had big parties or celebrations. It was always my spoiled sister who had the big parties and gifts. I picked my family vacation house because it was my late grandmothers house that my dad now owns.

My family and friends are offering to help us cover the costs of finding a bigger nicer venue but my mom is asking me to work it out with my father and sister who are refusing to talk to me because I’m being an “egoistical bride."

When I heard that I got really mad and yelled at him for all his short comings as a father in my life and blocked both of them. His side of the family has been calling me non stop to calm down and talk to them as well. Am I overreacting? Should I just talk it out and convince her to pick another dress?

UPDATE:

I sent the link to this post in my family group chat with all my distant relatives too. They all saw it and read it. I got a lot of support from my moms side and my dads side just stopped calling me and are quiet. I think the whole family is just really upset with my sister and father right now.

My mom has also moved in with her sister after my aunt scolded her for not standing up for me. I’ve called my dad and sister with my fiancé and explained that they are not invited to my wedding and that they will never get to be part of my new married life, know my future children or see them grow up, and have lost me as family.

The lady at the bridal store cancelled my sisters order for free after I told her about this situation (I put a password on the order that only I know too). I’m having a small courthouse wedding and using all the extra money to a grand honeymoon traveling Europe since my fiancé and I love traveling and met that way too :) thank you so much for your support suggestions and advice it means so much to me.

EDITS:

My maid of honor is related to my sisters ex and when we all met up for lunch this afternoon I got to know that this crazy idea of wearing white to another persons wedding has always existed.

When I was away for college apparently there was a time she showed up in white as a plus one date for her ex boyfriend (my maid of honors relative) at that time. I don’t even think this is some grudge against me but some severe attention seeking problem.

So a lot of people have been asking about this so I thought I’ll just mention it here. Growing up (like I think until I was a teen) we were in a very weird financial situation and money was tough.

My sister and I were born back to back and because of our short age gap and our parents being in their early 20s while entering parenthood, I always felt like I was the reason for our financial position. I was more or less the unexpected unwanted child of his. While my sister was planned...

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

[deleted] said:

Uninvite your sister and father from your wedding and from your life. And all of your dad's crappy family. Tell them to go kick rocks with open toed shoes. This is a decades-long issue in the making. Talking isn't going to do stuff. The time for conversation has long since passed. These people have disappointed you for the last time.

Enjoy your wedding and invest in your husband and new found family that loves and respects and sees you. Leave your dysfunctional toxic one behind you and don't look back. NTA.

Freeverse711 said:

Ditch your sister and dad, and honestly your mom too, because she’s been a huge pushover your whole life and couldn’t care less as long as your sister gets what she wants, tell them all to go pound sand and accept your friend’s help with the venue.

Working-Librarian-39 said:

NTA. They are not welcome to your wedding, because they've never made you welcome in their life. They will continue to upset you, your day and your life.

giantbrownguy said:

NTA, but you need to do a better job at standing up for yourself. You've been letting yourself get steamrolled by your sister and dad in the hopes of getting your dad's approval or sister's love at some point, but they don't care about you - only what you can do for them. You need to start focusing on yourself and blast your dad to your family and what he's doing.

FoggyDaze415 said:

NTA. Grown up kick them out if the wedding and your life. What do these people bring to your life? If you can't answer a single positive thing then don't have them in your life. And for the record their family is not an actual positive thing.

Agreeable-animal said:

NTA but I would let your sister know how pathetic and desperate her trying to wear white to your wedding looks. Or give in and have one of your besties spill red wine on her as you’re getting ready.