Bride implies that friends are being 'cheap' about her wedding. AITA? 'I spent thousands of dollars on theirs.'

"AITA for implying my friends are being cheap over my wedding?"

I (38F) am marrying my fiancée (38m) next year. I’m the last of my friends to get married and honestly, I’d made my peace with being single and getting a dog before I met my fiancee.

I am part of a group of six girlfriends who have all known each other since college. We’ve been through everything together, breakups, holidays, weddings, babies, promotions. When I told them I got engaged they seemed happy and sent me congratulations messages, but when everyone else got engaged they threw them parties or went out for dinner to celebrate, they didn’t in my case.

I gave them nearly a year’s notice on my bachelorette party, which I’m keeping low key as I don’t want a big thing. We’re going for dinner and drinks at one of my favorite restaurants in our city. However, slowly, all of my friends have been dropping out, saying they can’t get a babysitter or they have to work late or they’re on a work trip.

I’ve obviously invited them all to the wedding as well, which is a small affair, and one has already messaged the group chat saying she’s not sure she can get a babysitter for that day. My wedding is months away and I’m finding it really hard to believe that she knows that far in advance. Two others have also said they’re not going to stay for the reception as they "will be tired by then."

Here’s where I may be the ahole. The straw that broke the camel’s back was when I sent the link to the registry. My fiancé and I already have a house together, so we’re asking for mostly small things, nothing goes beyond $50 and we're delighted with anything that anyone chooses to buy us.

They sent a message into the chat saying they were going to band together to get me an air fryer as a group gift. It costs $40, so I was a bit surprised that they seem to be chipping in about $8 each. Over the years, I must have spent thousands of dollars on their weddings, two of which were in overseas.

I have attended dinners and brunches to celebrate their job promotions and bought gifts for their babies, all the while feeling terrible about myself watching my friends celebrate the happiness I never thought I’d get.

I sent a message just asking for clarification if it was all of them buying it together and one replied asking if I was calling them cheap, and then there has been dead silence since.

That really wasn’t my intention, but it really feels like because I’m last, they’re just over having to do these events and it’s really feeding into my insecurity at getting married so late. But they do have legitimate reasons for these things, they all have lives and kids and maybe not as much money as when we were a bit younger and maybe I’m just letting my insecurities get in the way. So, AITA?

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

AndriaRenee said:

NTA, these people aren't your friends. Find a new friend group. Oh, and they are cheap.

Thistime232 said:

I was willing to consider for a bit that maybe having kids made things different now from when they were all getting married. But buying an air fryer as a group gift? That's cheap. NTA.

BKRF1999 said:

NTA. Just cancel their invitations before they cancel on you. You can't find a babysitter months away, get out of here with that nonsense! You can go overseas but they can't make the effort to be there?

Dynamic has changed. They are the memory of the friends that you had. I would make it to my friend's wedding given enough time to plan for it.

sammyyybae said:

NTA. Your friends should know how important this is to you, especially after everything you've done for them in the past. It's understandable to feel hurt and insecure, but it's important to communicate with your friends and express your feelings in a non-confrontational way.

It's not about the cost of the gift, but the thought and effort that counts. Don't let your insecurities ruin what should be a happy time for you. Congratulations on your upcoming wedding!

Material_Cellist4133 said:

NTA. To be honest send them a breakdown of everything you spent on them. And then be like…“I wish I knew how shitty of friends you all were then I wouldn’t have wasted my money on people who are so greedy and selfish."

KindlyCelebration223 said:

NTA. Are you calling us cheap? No no. Not at all. It’s the thought that counts & I’m just confirm you all think of me worth $8 of thought for my wedding.

dazed1984 said:

NTA. They’re supposed to be your close friends $8 is insulting I would spend more than that on someone who I wasn’t that close to and they’ve had loads of notice. And as for the excuses to not come to your wedding and to leave early yeah really rude.

Unfortunately it turns out to be true that when you have a wedding you find out who your friends really are, you’ll see the people that make the effort for you, sorry these people you thought you were close to aren’t as good friends as you thought.