So, I (28F) have naturally very light gray-blue eyes. It’s something people have commented on my whole life—some say they look striking, others say they’re a little “unnerving.” I never thought much of it until I got engaged to my fiancé (30M).
His family is very traditional, and recently his mom pulled me aside and kindly suggested that I wear colored contacts on my wedding day because my “icy” eyes might look “too intense” in the photos and "soft brown would be more elegant." I laughed it off, thinking it was a weird joke.
But then my fiancé brought it up too, saying his family thinks it would look better if I went with a more ‘warm and inviting’ look for our wedding day. I told him absolutely not—this is my natural eye color, and I’m not going to alter my appearance just to please his family. He said it’s not a big deal and that he doesn’t personally care, but he thinks I should do it just to “keep the peace.”
Now his family is acting like I’m being difficult over something small, and my fiancé is frustrated that I’m turning this into an argument. But to me, it is a big deal. Why should I have to change something about myself just because they don’t like it? AITA for refusing?
WinterSeries1153 said:
NTA. Your eye color is a natural and beautiful part of who you are, and it’s unreasonable for anyone—fiancé’s family included—to ask you to change it for their own aesthetic preferences.
Weddings are about celebrating the union of two people, not about catering to arbitrary demands from family members. Their fixation on your eye color being “too intense” is frankly absurd and feels like they’re trying to control an aspect of your appearance for no valid reason.
Your fiancé suggesting you do it to “keep the peace” is concerning because it shifts the burden onto you to appease his family, rather than addressing their unreasonable behavior. Stand your ground—your wedding should reflect who you are, not what someone else thinks you should be. If this is the hill they want to make a big deal about, that’s on them, not you.
stne-829 said:
NTA at all. This is your wedding, and you shouldn’t have to change your appearance just to make other people happy, especially when it’s something as personal as your natural eye color. Your fiancé’s family is being super out of line for suggesting that you alter something about yourself to fit their ideal of “elegance.” Honestly, it’s your big day, and you should feel like yourself and be comfortable in your own skin.
Your fiancé should have your back on this—if they think it’s a small thing, they should respect your decision and not pressure you into doing something you don’t want to do. It’s not about making peace, it’s about respecting your autonomy and the way you choose to express yourself. Plus, “icy” eyes are beautiful, and if they’re worried about the photos, they’ll adjust. You do you, girl.
Breezewild said:
NTA. Your eye color is a part of who you are, and you shouldn’t have to change it to appease your fiancé’s family.
Willowstardream said:
NTA. Your eye color is a part of who you are, and you shouldn’t have to change it to appease your fiancé’s family. It’s disrespectful for them to suggest that your natural appearance is somehow “unacceptable” for their wedding. Your fiancé should be supporting you and standing up for you instead of pressuring you to conform to his family’s expectations.
RJack151 said:
NTA. Wearing contacts takes a while to getting used to. So unless you already wear contacts, you would have to be measured and fitted, then try to get used to them. I tried contacts and as soon as I put them in, my sinuses went nuts. Eyes were watering and nose was running. Got used to wearing them for 2 hours but was constantly blowing my nose.
Ok_Childhood_9774 said:
NTA, but your fiancé is. Your inlaws request is ridiculous, but his reaction is even more troubling. He should have shut them down immediately instead of telling you to keep the peace. I'd think long and hard if this is truly the man for you.