Bride kicks mom out of her wedding, 'she FLEW ACROSS THE COUNTRY to crash it.' AITA?

"AITA for kicking my mom out of my wedding after showing up uninvited?"

I (26f) have been estranged from my mom for almost 3 years now. I cut contact with her after finding out she stole $10k from me and put me on over $50k debt by stealing my SSN. She has always been very emotionally abusive, and she has tried everything in her power to split up my husband (27m) and I before we got married. For these reasons (and more) I decided not to invite her to my destination wedding.

Last week was the big day, and about an hour before the ceremony, my maid of honor lets me know that my mom has shown up uninvited. Meaning she FLEW ACROSS THE COUNTRY to knowingly crash my wedding.

I had my MOH bring her to the bridal suite, then I spoke with her privately and told her that if she doesn’t leave, I will make a scene and embarrass her in front of her entire family. She cried and gaslit me, but inevitably left.

After the ceremony, several family members confronted me about it and told me I’m in the wrong and that I should’ve just let her stay because she just wants to see her first daughter get married. I know this wasn’t the reason, that it was just a power move to reinsert herself into my life.

Her side of the family has been blowing up my phone since, telling me I’m wrong and that my husband and I need to apologize. AITA?

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

wlfwrtr said:

NTA. Ask family, "Apologize for what? For stealing $10,000 from my daughter? No, that was my mom. For stealing my daughter's social security number and putting her in $50,000 in debt? No, that was my mom.

For trying to break up my daughter's relationship? No, that was my mom. For flying across country to crash the wedding of two people I tried unsuccessfully to break up? No, that was my mom. What exactly do I have to apologize for?"

jensmith20055002 said:

Here is my Venmo and my cash app. Anyone who feels I should forgive her can repay the $50,000 she stole. Why isn't she in prison? NTA.

PumpkinPowerful3292 said:

NTA - But you didn't go far enough in only cutting off your Mom here, you need to just cut off the rest of her family if they cannot respect you for throwing her ass out of your wedding. What I would at this point is ghost that whole side of the family, return any gifts back to them and just tell them all to get lost.

Either that or they will forever rain grief down upon you. At this stage they collectively aren't worth your time or consideration. So, apologize? Huge LOL's in their faces.

bamf1701 said:

NTA. It was your wedding and you can choose who to invite and who not to. Anyone with any sense of manners does not show up to an event uninvited. In addition, if she had wanted to reconcile, a public event like a wedding is the wrong place to do it. The fact that it was a public place meant that she probably wanted a spectacle and not and not anything substantive.

In any case, what happened afterwards is truly telling: all the family members calling you. She outsourced her bullying you to the family. Don't listen to any of them and, if you need to, block them and just move on. You owe no one any apologies.

Nester1953 said:

Yeah, right, she wanted to see her first daughter married and you wanted a mom who wasn't a thief who stole from you and put you 50K in debt. Sorry, your family members don't get a vote. Tell them that if they give you back the 50K, they can invite your mom to one of your events. Until then, they can forget about it.

Meanwhile, have you talked with a lawyer and the police? This shouldn't be your debt; it should be (and is) your mother's debt. Please don't let your biological connection with a person who steals from you keep you from putting this debt back where it belongs. Congrats on your wedding, and on having a backbone! NTA.

Objective_Attempt_14 said:

NTA, tell them she stole $50k from you. Also I hope you filed a police report and got it removed from your credit report. and locked your credit.

ironchef8000 said:

NTA. This was an attempted control power play. You handled it well.

OhmsWay-71 said:

NTA. You did nothing wrong but protect yourself. They have let her in their life, so they want you to be weak too. Congratulations, and well done. Sh$t%y thing to have happen on your wedding day, but you handled it beautifully.

FasterThanNewts said:

Ignore anyone who says anything against you. Block them or just refuse to respond. You did the right thing. NTA.