Bride kicks parents out over background check on 'bad news' fiancé; AITA?
Running a background check on your daughter's fiancé because you don't trust his political beliefs, motorcycle, or nail polish is a new one...
So, when a conflicted recently engaged woman decided to vent to the moral compass of the internet about her parents' latest invasion of privacy, people were ready to roast them.
AITA (Am I the Ash*ole) for cussing my parents out for doing a background check on my fiance?
My (24F) fiance (24M) is bi and was kicked out when he was 13 after being caught kissing a football teammate. He did a lot of 'stuff' to survive on the street and to cope he developed a drug/alcohol habit.
An aunt found him and took him in round the time he was 16 and she helped him get clean an into therapy.
We met in college and my parents have never liked him. They're pretty conservative and an ultra liberal sorta fem nail polish wearing bisexual guy with a motorcycle isn't their ideal guy to say the least.
He proposed to me a few week ago and I've never been happier even though my parents are against it. They came to visit over the weekend.
I thought I was just gonna get a talking to about saying yes to the engagement but they apparently did a background check on my fiance through connections they have in law enforcement and got a hold of his juvenile records and which of course had some drug/alcohol charges along with charges for other 'stuff.
They started going off about how they knew he was bad news and that I have to break off our engagement.
I was enraged and I cussed them out. Especially about how they invaded my fiance's privacy and how they knew fck all about him. That he did those things to survive.
They started telling me how he was just using me for a leg up and they were trying to protect me. I told them to get the hell out and that they were pos's for doing what they did.
My siblings have been calling me saying I overreacted and that mom and dad are just trying to look out for me and I should apologize. AITA?
Are these parents under the impression that their daughter is still in high school and they're attempting to keep her locked up in a tower from the emo theatre kids? Here's what the jury of internet strangers had to say about this:
C_Majuscula said:
NTA. If his juvenile records were sealed, someone needs to get busted.
MojoInAtlanta said:
NTA. What they did was a huge invasion of privacy and they’ve broken your trust, but also your partner’s. You’re an adult, and part of being an adult is making your own decisions and finding out stuff on your own.
Your parents need to respect this and be supportive. They should apologize, especially to your fiancé.
mdthomas said:
You're old enough that your parents don't have any authority to tell you who you can and cannot be with. Time to go low contact or no contact with them. NTA.
thundery_crow said:
NTA. That’s a hugely inappropriate thing to do. You clearly already knew about and understood the circumstances of his past. Besides a perfectly “clean” background check is a guarantee of nothing. Some people are just good at not getting caught.
cuervoguy2002 said:
NTA. I feel like doing these background checks, and even internet sleuthing, has gone too far. Unless you asked for it, they overstepped.
SheiB123 said:
NTA. Your parents thought they were doing research to support you. They went too far when they tried to tell you that you have to break off the engagement. They have no right to do that and you kicking them out was the right action.
Tell the rest of the family who are in your face that they should be careful because they could be next. Then block them. Congratulations on your engagement.
So, there you have it...
Everyone agreed unanimously here that these parents crossed a line and they're going to have to try harder if they intend to break this couple up. If they're lucky enough to get an invitation to the wedding...everyone better brace themselves for some drama in the father-of-the-bride speech.