Bride kicks sister-in-law out of wedding after she shows up sick, 'she was in all the family photos.' AITA?
"AITA for kicking my SIL out of my wedding when she showed up sick?"
31F. I got married two weeks ago and it was a great day, but unfortunately, there was some family drama. My (now) husband John has a brother named Ryan. Ryan has a wife named Molly and a niece named Julia.
Ryan was my husband's best man and Julia was the flower girl, so before I tell the story, I'll note that Molly's family was obviously very involved in the wedding. I personally like Molly but I know she doesn't get along well with my husband's family.
Molly and Ryan got married young (around 23), which my in-laws weren't too happy about, because he got into a PHD program across the country and she wouldn't move with him until they were married.
Molly's feelings were (probably understandably) hurt, and she hasn't really repaired the relationship with my in-laws. She pretty much avoids family events at all costs and doesn't really include my MIL in Julia's life (i.e. there was a grandma's day at kindergarten and Molly invited her mom but not my MIL).
I personally have no issues with Molly, but am giving this context to explain why she may have been so hurt at my wedding. After the ceremony, I noticed Molly was wearing a mask, and when I tried to hug her she told me to stay away because she was sick.
I assumed it was the cold or a flu and didn't think too much about it. She was in all of the family photos (without a mask). At some point, someone asked what she was sick with, and she said Covid.
My husband's family was understandably concerned because they'd been sitting by her and taking pictures with her for hours and no one had any idea. The worst part is John has an aunt named Michelle who is like a second mother to him. Michelle doesn't have kids, and pretty much views John as a son as well.
Sadly, Michelle was diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer last year. She just went through another round of chemotherapy, and is very weak and sick at the moment, but really wanted to come to the wedding.
She was sitting behind Molly for the entire ceremony. So when the family learned about the illness, they were furious. My MIL asked John and I if we'd tell Molly to leave because she was worried about her sister getting sick.
At the time, it seemed like the right thing to do, so we approached Molly and told her we didn't feel comfortable having her at the wedding because of her illness. She was upset, and said that her husband was the best man and her daughter was the flower girl, and she shouldn't be excluded.
I explained that we love her and her family, and it wasn't about excluding her, but keeping all of the guests safe and healthy. When Ryan found out Molly was being kicked out, he screamed at my husband that everyone is horrible to his wife and he wasn't going to put up with it anymore. They left, and it obviously put a damper on the evening.
We've tried calling and texting Molly and Ryan multiple times, but they won't respond to our messages. Luckily, Michelle didn't get sick, but one of John's other aunts did. I think I did the right thing under the circumstances, but I'm not sure, and feel horrible about the whole situation. Am I the ahole and do we owe Ryan and Molly an apology?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
Opposite-Quantity795 said:
NTA I don’t think anyone should show up to events sick and risk infecting others. She was not putting others first or keeping them safe with her mask because she had the mask off for pictures and to eat.
I don’t care if it was any regular sickness like the flu or a terribly bad cold why be so selfish as to intentionally expose others to your nasty germs. If you are sick stay home especially if there are immunocompromised people.
Queasy_Listen_6166 said:
NTA. Molly should be ashamed of herself. There is no justification for putting everyone at risk and possibly causing your wedding to be a super spreader event. You handled the situation perfectly and Molly and John owe you and your husband a big time apology.
No-Educator-8094 said:
NTA. She should have asked you before she showed up to your wedding sick ESPECIALLY since your husband's aunt is so vulnerable right now. With that says, it sounds like your husband's family have been assholes to Molly for a while and this was the straw that broke the camels back for her and your brother-in-law.
Hopefully Molly and your husband/in-laws can work on their relationships, but it's not you're responsibility.
tiggergirluk76 said:
NTA. She showed up sick to an event where everyone was in close proximity for hours, where at least one known vulnerable person was present. She is TA 100x over.
ferin_xx said:
NTA. While it was unfortunate and caused a scene, you prioritized the health and safety of your guests, especially those who were vulnerable like Michelle.
ogo7 said:
NTA. When she found out she was sick, she should not have come to the wedding. Minimally she should have called you to tell you and let you make the call whether she attends or not.
MainEgg320 said:
NTA. Your SIL is a selfish, inconsiderate, self absorbed AH who should be ashamed of herself. Your BIL is equally as big of an AH for enabling her. I wouldn’t waste one more minute trying to get in touch with them. They owe YOU a HUGE apology not the other way around.