Me (27f) and my finance (28m) are getting married in month. This post concerns my bridesmaid and twin sister (27f). She works as a tattoo artist, and has a pretty alternative style. I've never had a problem with this, and I truly want everyone in attendence to look and feel like themselves.
Every bridesmaid was allowed to pick their own dress as long as it was in one of our 3 wedding colors, or at least close (red, terracotta and navy). My sister picked a red dress with short sleeves, which I had no issue with. I know that her tattoos are something she's extremely proud of.
My fiancé felt the same, despite some of the older members of his family being more conservative. We've had a strict policy of "they can suck it up" when it comes to anyone judging my sisters looks.
Now the actual issue is her hair, which, since high-school, has been almost every color of the rainbow. For the past 3 years or so, her hair has varied from blue, to navy, to ginger or dark red. Those are, according to her, the colors that look best on her and that she feels most comfortable with.
Fair game, I even triple checked before picking our wedding colors that she did, in fact, plan to dye her hair one of those 4 colors for the wedding, to which she said yes. Now I feel stupid for not reminding her of this agreement more often.
I strongly considered her preferences when picking the theme since I really wanted my twin sister next to me in most of the photos, and for said photos to look stunning since we're paying a lot for them.
Last night, she posted an Instagram story where her hair is dyed bright green. It's almost neon green, like a very, very bright emerald shade. I panicked and texted her asking if this was an old picture.
She said no. I asked if she's planning on dyeing it again for the wedding and she said "Not really, I've been getting bored of the old blue and red." The only time she's had green hair before was when she went as Beast Boy for Halloween in uni.
I'm trying really hard not to act crazy. Her changing her mind, the color choice, and the fact that she's now going to look like the Grinch (red dress and green hair) is really getting to me. It feels personal, even though I know it's probably not. My fiance saw the picture, laughed, asked if this was a prank then instantly went quiet. We're both mortified.
WIBTA if I ask her to change her hair color to one of the ones we previously agreed on or at least tone it down to a more neutral shade? Or, as a last resort, agree to having it toned down in post?
I'm willing to pay for a professional to do it and return it to green after, buy a wig, hair powder, photoshop, maybe even buy a dress that isn't red, whatever form of damage control she agrees to.
I feel like a huge a$# for even considering this, since I swore I would never be ashamed of my sisters style. It's a winter wedding and while I recognize this coincidence is objectively hilarious, it's also causing me a lot of stress.
Winter_Dragonfly_452 said:
NTA. OK I’m going against the grain here and I don’t care if I get down voted. I have tattoos. I have also dyed my hair different colors. However, this is for a wedding and she’s just now decided to go bright green before your wedding knowing she has to be your bridesmaid and wear a red dress. This is not OK. She could’ve done this after your wedding. I would not allow her to continue to be a bridesmaid.
duke113 said:
NTA. Normally asking someone to change their hair color would be. But, she had previously agreed her hair colour would jive with the wedding colors.
Hairann said:
YWNBTA. You triple checked to make sure she was planning on having a hair color that would match well with the wedding colors. Then she randomly picks a color out of left field. Have you brought the grinch comparison to her attention?
I would do so sooner rather than later as it might just fix all your issues if she sees what the problem is. You mentioned plenty of different options for her to choose from. Considering you're willing to work with her instead of just demanding, she changes it to specific color, I vote NTA.
Competitive_Papaya11 said:
NTA. Why? Because you specifically chose your colours knowing what would look good with her usual hair colours. You checked with her before you chose them, you double checked she was going to have one of those hair colours for the wedding. You went to effort to accommodate her usual style, to flatter her and make sure you both looked your best.
I would remind her of all of that, and that now you are concerned that she won't look her best in the photos, because of the colour choices that you had made and which she had agreed. The easiest, cheapest option is a headwrap in fabric matching the dress. Then a wig. Then a dye job back to one of the agreed colors. Suggest all of them. See what she says.
fallingintopolkadots said:
NTA. She's your twin sister and you've always loved her and appreciated her style. You even planned your wedding colors (!!) around what colors she likes and chooses to dye her hair.
It is not that hard to not dye your hair neon green when you KNOW you are your twin sister's bridesmaid in a month and she has a set color scheme that she basically designed around you. She could have dyed her hair neon green in a month and one day.
It's not that hard to be considerate a month out from an important day in a loved ones life. And I say this as a gal with a more alternative style. A wedding is not about me, and I take that into account when dressing for a wedding. By all means photoshop the photos if you have to, or have some in black and white.
eme1109 said:
NTA for asking, but if she says she's not willing to dye it or have pictures edited after the fact (which I feel like is more than reasonable given your previous agreement that she would have it one of the 4 wedding colors) then YWBTA if you continue to badger her or pay for edited pictures anyway without her agreeing. Black and white edits would make for a pretty photo album if she doesn't agree.